video

[armcollector]

[Magnus starts the video with a friendly wave, grin wide, in the living room of his shared Spire Four apartment. He's apparently in a very good mood.]

Hey! Magnus here. If you haven't met me yet, what's up? You're in for a treat. I'm a delight. Anyway, I've got someone way better than me to introduce to you all! She's kind of shy, but she's a very good girl.

[He turns away from the screen to call whoever she is over.]

Peanut! Hey, Peanut!

[He waits for a couple seconds, then turns back sheepishly.]

She's still learning her name. Hang on. Peanut!

[Suddenly what looks like a black and grey dog covered in way more scales than fur and incredibly large red eyes jumps Magnus and he yelps and laughs, cut off when "Peanut" grabs the phone in her mouth and somehow turns it off.

After a short cut to black, Magnus reappears again, covered in awful scratches. He doesn't seem to mind, though.]

Hey, I got her to calm down! She's super playful. Don't worry, I got her under control now. Look!

[He turns to point the camera at the varren, who is now sitting on the couch looking much calmer than before. The couch, though, happens to have a slash through one of its cushions, and Peanut happens to only be calm because she is currently in the process of chewing through a half-eaten throw pillow.]

Her name's Peanut and she's kind of a handful, but I think it's just 'cause she's young. She's super sweet, though. Man, my roommates are going to love her! Say hi, Peanut!

[Peanut doesn't say hi. Magnus reenters the frame then to take one of her paws and wave it at the camera. She snaps at him and bites his wrist painfully, and he yelps and kicks the phone trying to pull away. Everyone is treated to a final view of the ceiling, the backdrop a series of snarls and shrieks that descend into laughter.]

Comments

[Audio]

[whistlewhilstyouwork]

'Ey. Congrats on the new companion.

[Whistler is blind. For all he knows its a massive guinea pig. Either way the man sounds excited about it so why not send him his best wishes?]

[Audio, technically]

[armcollector]

[Magnus doesn't gather that this man is blind, per se, and neither does Peanut, who has renewed her interest in the phone and is now chewing the fuck out of it. If Whistler could see, he'd just see black interspersed with flashes of teeth and gums. As it stands, the sounds of chewing and occasional canine grunts are the only clue.]

Thanks! I've always wanted a dog, and, well, she only kind of counts, I think, but I've been super lonely being here without my fish.

[video] 1/???? im sorry

[pocketspa]

[It should be noted that the camera turns on like Taako's going to respond. But he doesn't really have words yet. Just this.]

2/??

[pocketspa]

[Gets like. Really close to the camera for a second. Confirming what the fuck he thinks he's seeing.]

3/??

[pocketspa]

4/??

[pocketspa]

5/??

[pocketspa]

[This one is just accompanied by a large inhale that just sound honestly strained.]

6/6 i swear im stopping

[pocketspa]

[He's so. He's just. He's so.]

Magnus, I swear to every fake-ass god in existence, if I ask what that is and your response is the word 'puppy' I'm throwing myself off the nearest cliff.

[video]

[sciencelizard]

[UH. UHHHHHH.]

Uhm... M-Magnus. What is that.

[She is 100% not keeping the fear out of her voice.]

[video]

[armcollector]

She's just a puppy! Less hairy than others, though.

[He scritches Peanut's head, and Peanut does let him this time, having moved on to terrorizing the couch even more, chewing at a leg.]

She just needs some time to adjust. She's only ever known life in the caves, haven't you, Peanut?

[Her response is only huffs and continued chewing.]

Video

[blessedmaiden]

Oh. My. Leviathan.

She is beautiful! [Rydia has... peculiar tastes.] Hey there, little girl! Still... you may want to be a bit more careful, it seems she's still getting used to your touch.

Video

[armcollector]

Yeah, I'm fine!

[His wrist has been quickly bandaged and he's still looking a little worse for wear, but if the scars covering him head to toe are any indication, it's nothing he hasn't faced before.]

She just needs an adjusting period. She'll calm down soon enough! She's still young.

video;

[restinglichface]

[Lup's out of the apartment when Magnus' broadcast goes live, probably taking scenic selfies by the lake to spam at people later, but the minute she sees her friend's name flash across the screen, she abandons that to tune the fuck in.

And holy shit. Lup's nowhere near her twin but she can just feel him having an emotional breakdown somewhere else within the city. This week really hasn't been very kind to Taako.]

Hail and well met, Lil' Peanut. [The thing isn't completely hideous. If Lup kind of tilts her head to the side and squints she could almost pretend it was a dog. Almost.]

Magnus, you know no one wants that thing in our house, right? It's going to literally eat you in your sleep.

video;

[armcollector]

Excuse you! Peanut would never hurt me.

[Magnus' wrist, meanwhile, is still bleeding into its quick bandage job, and would beg to differ.]

Come on! She's a sweetheart. At least spend some time with her. You guys will fall in love with her before you know it.

video;

[weedbgon]

[ ...... yeah sure, why not round up his death count to an even 70 with a couple of Peanut incidents. Magnus couldn't just get a ficus like anyone else?

How can he prevent this. ]

Now, you're gonna have to feed it and walk it every day. I'm not cleanin' up anyone's carcasses when she's through with 'em, and I'm sure not gonna stop anyone from killing you for revenge after she turns their buddy into a chew toy.

video;

[armcollector]

Thanks, Merle, for your support in these trying times.

[Seriously. Just. The most unimpressed look ever.]

I know how to own a dog. I have so much animal handling skill you would not believe it. Also, she is not going to kill anyone. She's a sweetheart.

[To punctuate this, Peanut can be seen in the background eating the shoelaces off someone's sneakers.]

video

[am_i_a_monster]

I think that was her way of telling you she doesn't want to say hi.

Is she dangerous?

video

[armcollector]

Oh, incredibly dangerous!

[Sup, he's recovered. Somewhat. Peanut seems more interested in the couch again.]

But it's fine, she's not that different from any domestic dog with a tendency to bite. I definitely think she's tamable, it's just gonna take a little work. I think she's just excited 'cause she's still getting used to the change in environment. Nothing I can't handle! I'm very proficient in animal handling.

[A +5 is barely "very proficient" but it is proficient at least.]

.video

[noctyourking]

[ His face about says all he's feeling; yet Noctis pushes through and comments nevertheless: ] I have concerns.

[ He clears his throat and sits up straighter, whereas before he was leaning into the video feed as if he could get an even better sight on the creature. ] Are you... alright? Peanut looks like .. he's capable of gnawing off your arm there.. she really safe to have around?

.video

[armcollector]

Don't worry. I'm almost an expert at taming animals. I just have to be a liiiittle more careful in handling her. She's very excitable right now, but she'll be fine! Give me a few weeks and she'll be eating out of my hand. Literally. She's a dog.

[A beat.]

Or, well, mostly a dog. Also kind of a lizard. Which is also very tamable. She's like two pets for the price of one!

[wormintheglass]

She looks adorable.

[Bianca has two pet hyenas and a faceless eldritch cat-thing, she's not judging.]

Can I be of assistance? I've had some experience persuading large carnivores to settle.

[armcollector]

I know, right!?

[Finally, someone around here with some sense.]

At first I was like, I dunno if you should cross lizards with dogs, but once I found out she was just like a bald puppy I was instantly won over. Anyway, if you wanna help out, you're welcome to! I'm pretty good with animal handling, I just have to ease up on her for now since she's kinda excited at the moment.

video;

[ritualized]

[Irisviel debates turning the camera on at first. It doesn't seem like Magnus will be coming back to the phone right away...In the end, she does it anyway, thinking it might help.]

Oh, Magnus! I recognize your name. I believe I have something that you made!

[She looks like she's good at patiently dealing with someone who's gotten in over his head. Magnus seems very much like he's gotten in over his head.]

She looks like you've been taking very good care of her, but I'm not sure she actually wants to play all the time. Maybe she needs somewhere to run around? I bet she hates being cooped up...I know I would hate it.

video;

[armcollector]

[Magnus manages to make it back to the phone surprisingly quickly. He's even bandaged himself up a little, and Peanut has returned her attentions to the couch.]

Oh! Huh! Did you get it from Shadow? I thought the friend he was giving it to was more of the dude persuasion, though... Maybe I'm remembering wrong?? Balls.

[As for her advice, though...]

You know, you're probably right. I just don't want to risk her running back to the caves and getting hurt. She was all on her own in there, and she's pretty small for her, uh, species, whatever that is, so I bet a different monster would probably mess her up if she ran back...

text

[ghostlocked]

[Whoa. That sure does look like something Harlan and his crew would have to take out while storming some asshole demon's pocket dimension. Cool!

He's allergic to phone calls and Facetime, though. Sorry Magnus. Doing anything but texting in response would be way too much effort.]

wtf is that?
shes cute tho.
or ok cutes the wrong word. shes ugly as sin but like in a cool way.
whered u get her?

text

[armcollector]

you take that back.
she's cute in her own way. she's like a bald puppy.
and i got her from the caves. she was separated from her pack i guess.
at least it seemed that way. try as i might i don't speak dog. or... lizard-dog.

video;

[hotspurred]

[The look on Henry's face is dubious, but he recalls Magnus' desire for a dog. Why they can't have ordinary pets show up he doesn't know.]

It seems Peanut is much in need of training.

video;

[armcollector]

Yeah, I mean, obviously. She's still a wild animal. She's young enough that any training she does get will probably take better, though! She's 100% tamable. You can quote me on that.

[audio]

[onlyanautomaton]

Are you all right?

[audio]

[armcollector]

[Magnus sounds about as enthusiastic as before, so take that as you will, whether his words are trustworthy on this or not.]

Yeah dude! I've gotten bit by way scarier things than a li'l puppy. And she's not really trying to hurt me, or I'd be really mangled.

[Video]

[lifetothefullest]

[Lance likes animals, but he's staring very dubiously at the screen at this entire display.]

Is that a varren?

[He's heard stories about them here and what he saw of Peanut seems to fit the description, but if so...]

Are you sure she isn't dangerous?

[Video]

[armcollector]

A what? Barren?

[He doesn't know what her species is called, he just knows her name is Peanut and he loves her.]

Anyway, she's plenty dangerous, she's a wild animal. But 100% tamable. Just watch, she'll be indistinguishable from a domesticated dog, just give it a few weeks.

video

[sheathes]

[ Though, well, she figures he might not be in a position to see the phone right now, but she hopes he can hear her voice. ]

Sir Magnus! Are you injured? Do you need assistance? [ Wait, that sounds like... laughter?? Now she feels like an idiot. ] ... I suggest you keep the creature away from your neck and face.

video

[armcollector]

[He's still laughing a little when he makes his way back to the phone, even bandaged up a little. Peanut is minding her own business once again.]

Yeah, I got it! Don't worry! I've had worse bites for breakfast. Besides, she's just nippin'.

video

[so_dark_a_road]

[ He can't decide whether to laugh or cry. Finally, he laughs. ] Yikes! You've adopted a varren???

[ He's gotten his ass chewed by her kind, and he's killed a lot of them, but he has to admit the young animal is energetic and admirably determined to be herself. ]

video

[armcollector]

I guess! I didn't know what they were called! What matters is that her name is Peanut. She might even learn it someday.

[Just. A dreamy sigh. He's got his family here, and all he needed was a dog. He's still working on making it domestic bliss, but he's sure he'll get there.]

video; hey is it ok if i tag this 50 yrs late

[survivorsguilt]

[Ellie is shook, dude. Just looking at the varren is enough to inspire some killer (hah) flashbacks. Her stomach drops and then pretty persistently swirls and rumbles like it's prepping for upchuck. Oh boy oh boy.]

Magnus! [First time she's called him his real name, she thinks.] Dude!! Someone has to have told you this already, but that thing is not a dog. It's fucking dangerous!

of course it is ❤

[armcollector]

That thing happens to be my new daughter, and her name is Peanut.

[He folds his arms.]

She's gonna be fine, Angel! I'm gonna train her super well!