hadriel | Royal Whining

[Kelson looks miserable, he's depressed and whiny on good days, and with Sorrow's resurrection everything he's tried to hold back is overflowing again. His eyes bright with tears, Kelson's struggling not to shed. His crown is lying somewhere, it’s certainly not on his head right now, his black hair undone from it’s normal braid.]

God help me why wasn’t I paying attention? If I was really in control and really a king I would have noticed. I should have been able to prevent it all. But I didn’t. Why hadn’t I been more careful with Llewell? I didn’t think he’d hurt his own sister. I didn’t notice until she gasped and by then he’d already killed her.

And then he had the audacity to glare at me before the executioner cut his head off. He looked at me with such hated. Why did he look at me like that? I wasn’t the one who killed her! He committed sacrilegious murder in front of hundreds of witnesses. I don’t think I can get married in that church again without seeing her blood everywhere.

I’m so tired of killing in order to bring peace. I want to be able to create life, not death. But all too often all I’ve got is death.

[Kelson shook his head, fighting to keep the tears from falling, twisting a woman’s wedding ring on his little finger, the ring once stained with blood, no longer fit to go on another’s finger. It wasn’t a good ring, but he couldn’t let go either.]

I had to killed her father. He wouldn’t surrender, so I shot him. Right there, on his horse. I just cut him down like a dog.

I killed his other son too. I didn’t even allow him to see a priest before he died. I just ordered my sergeant to haul him up on the nearby tree. God knows he deserved it. I know he did, I saw and felt first hand what he'd had done to innocent people. But I was supposed to be better. I took oaths to temper justice with mercy, but I didn’t feel like being merciful. He hadn’t been.

A friend came after me and asked me if I enjoyed it. He actually had to ask me.

[Kelson takes a shaky breath, unsure whether he can go on and keep going but this last one. This was one was most recent and close and painful.]

Do you know what’s worst of all? I knew my cousin was arrogant, I knew he was childish and jealous and I didn’t do anything. I thought he’d grow out of it. That maybe with a little experience he’d grow into a good man. Now he’s not going to grow up at all.

I’m sorry for the wasted life and all the hurt and pain. I’m sorry I had to behead my own damn cousin. I’m sorry he died weeping and it took the executioner 3 strikes to finish it. I’m sorry he left two children behind, that will never know their father. I’m sorry I’ll never be able to see the man I hoped he’d grow up to be.

[He catches his breath, taking a few minutes to try and collect himself, still wracked with guilt. He’s almost surprised anyone’s let him go on this long, and tries some humor, trying to force himself back into good spirits. It’s not working.]

To make it worse, I’ve been stuck here and haven’t gone to Mass in ages. Bishop Duncan is going to have me saying Pater Nosters until I’m fifty.

Does anyone have a sedative? I think I’d like to sleep unencumbered by dreams.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Kelson would have loved to have words with those responsible for her scars. Harming a lady, much less without any cause or recourse, is unthinkable, and is the actions of a man far unencumbered by honor. He would hope the baring of her scars does not cause her more pain.]

You are very strong, my lady. I would wish that you hadn't had to suffer for such wisdom, although I am grateful you are sharing it despite the cost to you.

Guilt. Perhaps I am not yet ready to welcome regret.

(She has been slow to accept them, avoiding mirrors and bathing quickly. But it helps immensely that she is surrounded by those that care about her when she is at her best and at her worst.)

Sharing it makes it easier to bear. Hiding it felt like I was...ashamed. I have no reason to be ashamed.

(She gives him a weak smile.)

Could you also be mourning what could have been?

[He wishes he could heal those for her, but he does not have that talent, even if she'd wish it. Some scars make us who we are, and some create too much pain to bear.]

No, you don't, my lady.

[He took a deep breath, seeing Sidana's blonde hair and small smile, how he started to smile as well, hearing her heartbreaking sobs eventually turn to soft song as she got excited and relaxed. And then it had come to a screeching halt. He mourned the lovely nun too, who was to be his wife. Until his cousin attempted to kill him and married her instead.]

I suppose I am. I can't change what will never be.

[He twisted at that damn ring almost compulsively.]

Royal Whining

Re: (Video; Private to Kelson.)

(Video; Private to Kelson.)

Re: (Video; Private to Kelson.)