hadriel | FIFTH SONG ♫ TEXT

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FIFTH SONG ♫ TEXT

Finally bit the dust.
Guess it was only a matter of time. Kind of impressed I lasted as long as I did without getting offed.

Show of hands, who else has died in this place?
Does it always suck a metric fuckton or is that just me?

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Dying always sucks. No matter how it happens or why, it sucks balls.

Oh, so you are capable of asking intelligent questions.

[And, as something of a peace offering on the heels of his acerbic commentary, he switches to a private channel and gives his actual answer.]

Twice. But it's fine. [This is a goddamn lie.]
What doesn't kill you - permanently - makes you stronger.

[Hoo boy, you just hit on Jason's favorite topic - his death.]

not here

but yeah it was definitely no picnic thats for sure

[ Hooraayyyy... ]

You died before Hadriel?
How'd you come back?

[ What is sensitivity. ]

On rare occasions. I've met my yearly quota now though so don't expect anything smart again for a while.

What if it doesn't?

Yeah.
I'm inclined to agree.
But thanks for the second opinion. Guess you've died before?

yep

got nice and murdered when i was a kid

mystical fountain of youth type thing called a lazarus pit brought me back

i didnt really have any say in it on account of being

you know

dead

Yeah. Not very long ago, actually. How 'bout you?

This marks my second death here. But, the least painful than the previous.

I'm glad it wasn't as painful.
But I'm sorry it had to happen at all.

In the last few days.
I guess it was the ghosts.
Sorry that you had to die recently, too.

That's rough, buddy.

And.
I didn't have any say in this either, so. I feel ya'.

Thanks. It was. Unexpected. But I guess death always is?

As am I. Death adds more complication than is strictly necessary here.

Everyone dies one day. You'll kill someone, someone else will kill you, and then we all get on with our lives because we have nothing else but life and emotional turmoil to give to our parasitic overlords.

Failure to adapt means failure to survive. Do you not wish to survive?

Not really, these days.

[ ... weLP ]

[WELP INDEED.]

I see. I can't claim I understand that sentiment from a personal perspective, though I do understand, logically, that people feel this way, for any number of reasons.

[And the next part ... disclosing it is a gamble. But Mello is actively trying to be better with people. So maybe giving some of himself is worth the risk.]

Before I was brought here, I'd planned to die - the next day, in fact. Not because I didn't want to go on living [which is only partly true], but because I believed in a cause that was bigger than my own life, and I believed that seeing that cause turn out successful was worth the sacrifice I planned to make.

Do you still think it would be now?

I tried to kill myself in the world before here. My packmates saved me. Helped me back up onto my feet and find reasons to keep going, even if I didn't want to. Even if I was angry at them for taking away my choice like that. Even if I thought they were wrong.

Then I landed here, with only a couple of those packmates. Then they left. And I've found it harder to believe in me the way they did. The same reasons I wanted to die then are still present now. In fact, they've probably gotten worse.

I think me dying would be better for everyone here. They didn't. Wouldn't, probably, if they were here, but. They're not and I am and I'm tired of feeling like I'm two steps from snapping and being the monster Yao and Dr. Kite wanted me to be.

I don't want to give them the satisfaction that they were right. I'd rather die.

I want to die and I don't know how to go back to a time I didn't.

Dying here seems to be a milestone for many. Congratulations. But yes, I suppose it does "suck". Both for those who die and those who live.

[Two for the price of one or so Chara thinks.]

[She... doesn't want the person who killed her to accidentally see this, seeing as they technically made up, but...]

i have
not this event it was a few months ago
it was

it wasnt as relaxing as i wanted it to be

No, [ she's quick to correct. ] Not always.

Well, yeah.
We aren't supposed to come back, for one.
It's not the natural order of things.

Already had both happen in Haven, actually.
This time was different.
Maybe that's why it sucks worse than those times did.

[ Why it makes her feel so hollow and bitter; it was a shattered promise. She'd tried to keep it, she had, but the weight of Haven on her shoulders coupled with Hadriel's emotional turmoil - as Sharon puts it - was too great to bear. ]

Thanks.

Well, I guess it sucks less for the living here since we DO come back, but...
They still gotta' go through losing us in the first place. Hm.

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