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Why make we friends, knowing each time it cannot last?

[Henry sighs heavily.]

Saber and Irisviel are gone.

I grew up on tales of King Arthur and his court. Never did I imagine that I would meet King Arthur, or see Excalibur with my own eyes. [He huffs a short laugh.] 'Twas a surprise to discover that she was a woman. It was an honour to fight beside her. It was a greater honour to know her beyond her legend. Saber was an estimable knight, and a steadfast friend.

Irisviel was the kindest woman I knew, lively and never meek. Despite the hardships she endured, she met everything with wonder and joy. [Briefly dry, he adds:] Even ghastly furniture. There was no trace of bitterness in her. Irisviel's spirit shone bright. Her company made it easier to endure this long imprisonment.

Being here was a blessing to them. Saber once spake this to me: their time together was once measured in days, not months. Though perhaps selfish when others suffered distress, she was thankful for this place.

May God rest —and unite again— their souls.

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( She never got to know Saber that well, knew Irisviel a little better but not by much. And now that same old song and dance, people disappearing and they're stuck here, still trying to have a life and protect Hadriel, trying to wait out the time until they can go home too.

And forever caught in that dilemma. Why make friends if it doesn't last? If they go home, they forget this. If they stay, everyone else leaves. Short moments of happiness that get wrenched away all too quickly.

You'd think it would get easier eventually. )

...Drinks?

( What else can they do but drink to another loss? )

Certes.

[He answers emphatically. Though he doesn't drink all too often, it's definitely warranted on this occasion.]

God's blood, Kate. I am running out of people to lose.

( More than warranted. )

Noticed that.

( First Maketh and now Saber and Irisviel, and with Hadriel's random nature, Kate wouldn't be entirely surprised if she's missed someone. Multiple someones. )

Don't need me to be inspirational, do you? Not good at that.

You need only keep pace.

[And let him talk, but hey.]

... Can do that.

( Oh no, Kate, get that competitive edge out of your tone it is not a drinking contest--

... Who are we kidding this is gonna drain the Speakeasy. )

[The tone gets a brief laugh out of him.

He can't help himself either.]

We shall see.

[It's on.]

Because knowing you'll lose something eventually doesn't make it not worth having.

[ Which is obvious enough and he's aware that Henry's question was probably hypothetical, but it merits an answer. And that concept is sort of the basis of how Drake lives, here. ]

I didn't know them outside of the Guard, but I'm sorry they're gone. They obviously meant a lot to you. Do you need anything?

「All hits too close to home. If only it was only about this place.」

It is all not lost when they leave, Henry. Bonds are not broken, memories remain.

You may meet them again.

「He has to believe that himself, otherwise...」

[He knows that, truly. But even if he's in no mood to be soothed, it never hurts to hear it said.]

A path home. A friend who is not vanished the moment all seems well. And yet.

[That's the frustration speaking.]

...But I thank you for asking, Drake.

I know it, Atem. They are precious to me.

[And he does, but right now he wants to be frustrated. Or more accurately, he doesn't want to be placated.]

But I must refuse to entertain the latter. I mean no slight against you.

[ It was a long shot, that there'd be anything he could do to help. He's not close to Henry, despite the respect there. Maybe because of it. Drake's always kept a safe distance from his superiors. Maybe it's time to change that. ]

Yeah, I can't get you those things. But I can listen if you want company.

Or just play punching bag.

「He takes absolutely no offense, their circumstances are different. He can understand the need to be angry about it, feeling something as opposed to be completely desensitized about it. But even so...」

May I ask why?

I used to think the same way. That it wasn't worth it, just knowing that they're going to leave eventually. Everyone does.

[ It's an inevitably of places like these. At least here, Rose hopes they go home instead of into some deep freeze. ]

Sorry you lost people. It's never fun. But, I'm sure you know that loss doesn't always make you give up. Sometimes, it just makes you fight that much harder to keep what you have.

[Nick is starting to regret going out of town -- not that his staying could've helped, but it sure feels like he came back to a lot of trouble. He's never been as close to Henry as he'd like; both of them were closer to Maketh than they were to each other.

Maybe Nick should work on changing that. It's just them leading the Guard now. In the meantime:]

I'm sorry, Henry. It's never easy to lose folks... especially when they were good people.

[The city needs as many of those as it can get.]

I prefer sparring partners to fight back. If you can do that...

[He's definitely interested in the latter. Edward's words about trust sit at the back of his mind; he'll consider the former. Maybe.]

[There's a pause, before Henry says:]

You may.

[Then he switches to a private channel. It's still not easy for him to offer trust, but he took Edward's gift to heart.]

Mere weeks afore I was dragged here by the Door, someone I... [he halts, knowing what he will say is intensely private, but he's no coward. He huffs a short breath, then continues.] a woman I loved died. So when I learnt that those dead whence they came found themselves returned to life in this city, I sought sign of her every month. How I longed for her to be brought here! Yet what was it but my unwillingness to accept that she was gone? It certes honoured her not.

I paid for my folly. Because I failed to face my grief and clung to that despair dressed as hope, the gods and other infernal beasts tormented me with her memory. Even with Maketh's help, it took me much too long to understand I must let her go. I will not see her again in this mortal life, 'til heaven thereafter. No longer can she be used as a weapon to strike me.

[He barks a humourless laugh.]

The same must apply to Maketh. And to Saber and Irisviel.

「Oh... How odd, he hadn't thought of the implications that such premise —bringing the deceased back to life in this place— could bring. Being one himself, his train of thought never went that way. He can listen the sternness in Henry's voice, this is not easy for him to speak about it. How human of him to keep someone long gone so close to his heart. For a mere moment, Atem's thoughts wander towards his friends, hopefully his departure didn't affect them as such, especially not his partner. Acceptance was hard to achieve, it hadn't been easy for him either. He was guilty of the same thing, he hadn't let go, maybe that's why he was stuck in between...

Heh, but this is not about him.」

Henry... To wish to see a loved one again, even after their death, is not a sin. It makes you human. It was unfortunate that things went that way but, do not let it harden your heart.

Forgive me, I brought these concerns up to torment you again. It was not my intention... I didn't meant for their return to this place, and I certainly hope their memories are never used against you again, but I still believe, that under different circumstances, you can meet them again, in heaven, in the afterlife... I should have expected that you would believe in such...

「There is something close to fondness in his tone when he says that because apparently, not everyone did, it is still more than a disconcerting for him.」

I'm sorry, Henry.

[ He didn't know either of these women, but he certainly knows loss. And what it's like to be the one left behind. ]

I've been wondering lately, why we're the ones left here. It doesn't seem like there's any reasoning behind who the Door takes, or when it sends us back. People who want to stay are sent away. People who want to go home are trapped. At least they had some time together here. And you got to meet them.

If you want company, know you still have friends here. I've got time.

[Henry reigns in the frustration in his tone. He knows that she has been here a long time too, and so must understand how it feels to go through it time and time again.]

I know it.

[Not that his restraint lasts long, and soon it's back in his tone. His patience with their whole situation wears perilously thin.]

'Tis no easy battle to endure.

'Tis impossible to grow accustomed to this. Even a castle's walls feel the toll of continued wear.

[It's frustrating to lose so many of the people he was close to. He fears becoming wearied when there is no respite from the life they lead here, and losing control over his restlessness.

He sighs heavily.]

Saber is a great loss for the Guard as well.

A loss we can hardly afford. We'll see if we can't pick up a new recruit or two this month.

[No recruits will be Saber, but something is better than nothing.]

Hopefully, we can find some when the Door opens again. Maybe ask around once all this business with these orbs is over and done with.

[she didn't know either woman, but she knows plenty about losing people she cares for]

I'm sorry your friends left. They sound like really good people. I hope they get to be together. Y'know, like you said.

Edited 2018-03-03 01:25 (UTC)

[There is more he could say about Iamarl's death, the risk she chose to take for his sake, but he has no desire to. Still, his silence is thoughtful.

Eventually he huffs a laugh.]

I did not think my beseeching God was subtle. [More seriously, he says:] ...Though I am afeared that we are far from His kingdom here.

[As a medieval catholic, the prospect that he might be effectively excommunicated terrifies him in the darkest hours of the night. Having died here twice, he cannot shake that worry.

It's another thought he does not want to linger on, and so he wards it off by remarking with sharp humour:]

I shall be well prepared for Purgatory.

[The same thoughts have lingered in his mind too. There's a small pause before Henry says:]

...I would like that, Pell. You and Irisviel were alike in kindness.

A fine plan. It shall be a good time to, with our new headquarters settled into and the watchtowers a familiar duty.

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