Castiel; The Fallen (
strangelic) wrote in
hadriel2016-05-18 07:52 pm
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[ The man who appears on screen is wearing white hospital clothes, despite attempts to get him into something a little more him. They're comfortable, he protests. Over this he's wearing a much loved and heavily dry-cleaned (thanks, Dean) beige colored coat, the combination of the two making him look like a businessman - or perhaps a P.I. - who's had a little bit of a mental breakdown. Which...it's not far off from the truth.
In any case, he's sitting in the dark, looking drawn and tired, like he's either been trying very hard not to sleep, or the sleep hasn't been very good. It's a combination of the two, actually. ]
Did you know that human minds are most susceptible to influence when you're dreaming? If you wanted to teach yourselves how to communicate telepathically, for instance, it would be far better to do it when you're sleeping, when your brain isn't fettered by the constant needs of your body. Itching. Twitching. Fidgeting. All its aches and grumbles and complaints. Emotions. Recollections. Listening to other people chatter incessantly. Television. Arousal. You get the idea. It's all very distracting.
[ Seriously. Who let Castiel talk? Like ever.]
And let me tell you, some of those thoughts take up a lot of your time.
I--where was I? Ah. That is to say, I haven't ever slept before. I've visited dreams, of course, but experiencing my own is something else entirely. Something I'd rather avoid, if it's at all possible. So-- [ Deep breath. ] --I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions. Mnemonics, perhaps. The opposite of counting sheep. I'd drink coffee but I'm afraid I've discovered it has much the same effect on me as alcohol, which is to say I'd have to drink most of a plantation in order to have any kind of success.
Your assistance, please. I can't repay you, per se, but... Oh. [ He lifts his hands in front of him, and cups them together, and when he lifts them apart there is a little origami swan between his palms. ] I can do this.
In any case, he's sitting in the dark, looking drawn and tired, like he's either been trying very hard not to sleep, or the sleep hasn't been very good. It's a combination of the two, actually. ]
Did you know that human minds are most susceptible to influence when you're dreaming? If you wanted to teach yourselves how to communicate telepathically, for instance, it would be far better to do it when you're sleeping, when your brain isn't fettered by the constant needs of your body. Itching. Twitching. Fidgeting. All its aches and grumbles and complaints. Emotions. Recollections. Listening to other people chatter incessantly. Television. Arousal. You get the idea. It's all very distracting.
[ Seriously. Who let Castiel talk? Like ever.]
And let me tell you, some of those thoughts take up a lot of your time.
I--where was I? Ah. That is to say, I haven't ever slept before. I've visited dreams, of course, but experiencing my own is something else entirely. Something I'd rather avoid, if it's at all possible. So-- [ Deep breath. ] --I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions. Mnemonics, perhaps. The opposite of counting sheep. I'd drink coffee but I'm afraid I've discovered it has much the same effect on me as alcohol, which is to say I'd have to drink most of a plantation in order to have any kind of success.
Your assistance, please. I can't repay you, per se, but... Oh. [ He lifts his hands in front of him, and cups them together, and when he lifts them apart there is a little origami swan between his palms. ] I can do this.
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But there you go. Typical Castiel, taking the wrong part from the conversation.
He hummed to himself, laying down his chips and turning over the cards, one at a time. It was impossible for him to hide his disappointment, when another ace failed to come up, but he straightened up and faced Dean anyway. ]
I think I'm going to call. [ Rather than raise, indicating he was finally uncertain about his hand, and unprepared to put anything more into the pot. ]
Do you remember your dreams? [ he asked, softly. ] I... I met someone, in mine.
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I'll raise. [ He tossed in two white pebbles for good measure before focusing on Cas' comment. ]
Who'd you meet?
[ Avoiding the topic of his own dreams for now, it was by easier to sink into Cas' as he'd already offered his own tidbit of information. Especially if he met someone worthy of discussion. ]
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He didn't need to take a sneaky cheating peek to know the truth, and he looked apologetically down at his ace. No good this hand. ]
Lucifer [ he said, almost nonchalantly, as though it weren't a big deal, when really it was an enormous deal. If Dean didn't know that Lucifer was here, then he'd be annoyed with Castiel for keeping it from him.
And if it were the other way around, he'd have questions himself. ]
Fold [ he added, quickly, to draw attention to the fact that Dean had won the pot. Typically, the cards would be laid down face down, but Castiel exposed his, and looked curiously, and hopefully, across at Dean. ]
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Shit.
Dean's eyebrows rose with interest and considering the fact that he was playing poker, it was by far easier to keep a straight face. He was already trying to do keep an expressionless clean slate and so he remained about as calm as ever before finally nodding a few times as he brushed a hand against his knee. ]
I met the guy, too- I mean, before. We've talked. [ Dean didn't need to ask which Lucifer, considering if he was stating he'd just met him, then the one from home couldn't be taken into account. But they were both playing it oddly cool; meeting Lucifer was anything but miniscule in the grand scheme of things and Castiel at the very least would be effected wholly by it.
Stealing the opportunity to focus on the cards, Dean only quirked a small grin as he offered Castiel a show his own cards and thus, his straight. He couldn't really deny him the chance to see and Dean didn't truly mind breaking a rule or two. ]
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I knew you had a good hand.
[ Which was...well, it was a long way from how terrible Castiel had been at this game when they started, and meant he was truly beginning to understand it. He took the cards back from Dean, folded them into the pack, and then passed it across to him to shuffle--he was the dealer now, after all.
He skipped the accusation. He was enjoying the camaraderie too much. ]
About me. He came looking.
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Taking the deck from Cas, he began his own shuffling, focused on the cards while he spoke. It was easier that way, to push everything else aside and pretend he didn't have his own things to think about. Which he did. A multitude of them, but Castiel didn't seem distressed by whatever it was that he and Lucifer had done. Which, he supposed, was an incredibly good thing. ]
You came up. [ Shuffle shuffle shuffle-- After another second, he dealt out the cards and lay down the river. ] It turn out okay?
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He lectured me. [ A simple answer, but it was full of so many things. So many shades of doubt, and guilt. ] I don't know what to make of him yet. He cares for humanity... It's... It's just another peculiarity of this place.
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He lectured you? That's a new one. [ And likely means a thousand more things that Cas isn't saying, but it's not as if Dean is speaking many words of his own, either. ] I'm pretty sure his... whatever you want to call it, doesn't have shit to do with being here.
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[ Castiel froze, going almost white in the process, and then he pulled his knees right up toward his chest and changed the subject. The last time an archangel had spoken to him that way, Castiel had burned him out of existence with a thought. So no, it wasn't a great subject to go lingering on. If his heart were his own, it would be beating faster, but in fact Castiel only felt his spirit pulling taut, like a piece of thread reaching breaking point, threadbare and trembling with the effort of holding itself together. ]
I raise, [ he bluffed. Castiel had a pair of threes this time, but if he bluffed well enough maybe he could make Dean think it was a pair of Kings. Cnsidering they'd only put a small blind - an opening bet of one brown stone each - into the pot so far, it was courageous of him to try it on. The river was a four of hearts, a two of spades and a nine of clubs, but there was still a chance for either of them to make a low straight, even if a flush was out of the question, and more than enough of a shot for Dean to make a higher pair. ]
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Instead, he turned back to his cards, a 3 and Ace of diamonds, playing at their edges with the pad of his thumb. There wasn't much he could accomplish himself yet, but Castiel raised, something Dean looked over curiously, searching out a tell tale sign that might give a glimmer of indication as to whether or not it was worth his own hand to do the same. Which it undoubtedly was, as Dean was unwilling to step out of the game quite yet. ]
I'll call. [ Turning over the next card in the river- ] Met more people than I can keep track of.
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But even he, determined to avoid any kind of acknowledgement of the situation as it was, couldn't hide his response to Dean's comment. Met more people than he could keep track of? He raised his eyes toward him, and narrowed them pointedly. ]
Lucifer isn't people. [ He was more than a little affronted by the offhandedness, even if he'd done just the same thing himself a moment before. He didn't think he needed to repeat what Lucifer had done to each of them, to be honest. It wasn't easily forgotten. ]
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You think I don't know that? [ This time he did truly sound offended, somewhat surprised that Cas would think that of him. ] Isn't even close to what I meant. You met Lucifer, an archangel. I met other people. You didn't want to talk about him anymore, so I dropped it, started somethin' else.
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[ The angel went very quiet, lowering his eyes down into his lap instead. He'd gotten worked up over nothing, it seemed. Except was that true? If anything, Castiel was feeling ashamed of himself, and projecting. He'd been afraid of Lucifer, and yet things hadn't stayed that way. It had surprised him, and he was almost angry with himself for letting it go as easily as he had. Just because this Lucifer had turned against the hallucination, he shouldn't make things as easy as he had.
But. His voice lowered into something a little more fearful and uncertain. ]
You didn't mention him. You made it sound as though...you forgot. Or it didn't matter. [ He looked off over his right arm, hands curling tightly against his cards. He'd bend them if he wasn't careful. ] I'm sorry.
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Glancing back up, he once more gave Cas an easy look, trying to ease the angel up once more. ]
Oh, it matters. Believe me, it matters. [ It matters more than words can possibly say. ] I don't know how to feel about him anymore than you do. You even more than me, if i'm gonna take a shot in the dark. But if you don't want to talk about it, then we won't talk about.
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Okay, he'd decided. ] We can talk about it. I just didn't want to talk about Raphael.
[ He lowered his eyes, and slowly his shoulders relaxed the rest of the way. ]
You said you'd talked. What did you talk about?
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Still can't wrap my head around it.
[ Blatantly avoiding eye contact, Dean kept his gaze away, rooted to the cards. This wasn't something he wanted to talk about and so he breezed over it in his own way, choosing words that were important enough but picking them specifically so as not to reveal anything in particular. ]
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Even if when he glanced up, Dean wasn't looking at him. Maybe the cards really were drawing his attention, but that wouldn't explain the tension across his shoulders. Dean was hiding something from him, and it would be difficult, in this situation, to convince him to actually spill it. Castiel didn't have the confidence to shake it out of him, either.
So he moved back to his explanation. ]
There's nothing to say that this version of Creation is the only one, or that is was even the first. It's quite possible that this Lucifer is merely from a... A draft copy.
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And so he didn't, head bowed but gaze pulling back up to find Cas' before he snorts. ]
What, the version with all the spelling errors and the ink that got spilled over half the book? I mean, c'mon Cas, he can't be this-- [ What's a good word for it. ] Nice.
This good samaritan Lucifer thing is just weird.
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He sat up, admiring the card slightly, and failing at any kind of bluff. But hey, he'd thought his ace was going to win the previous hand so maybe Dean wouldn't suspect.
He blinked up at Dean again a moment later. ]
I suppose we'll come to discover, in time, just what his motivations are. I'll raise.
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Which makes it painfully hard to pay attention to the game at hand, finding himself staring for too long, thinking of a hundred things at once, doing everything in his power to think of nothing and therefore losing track of cards in the process. ]
I'll call.
[ Did it matter anymore? He didn't know. He didn't care, he needed-- he didn't know what he needed. ]
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He's been not probing deliberately since the game started, but now as concern meets his own expression he stares at him, desperately trying to work out what his averted gaze is hiding, what's worrying him so much the he can't think past it.
What he meets is a wall of denial and self hatred a mile long, and with no true center. Whatever it is that is upsetting him, Castiel can't piece it apart. But it's an odd feeling to come to blows against, either way. There's rarely anything new to be felt from Dean that he hasn't experienced before. Maybe it's just another consequence of the Mark on his arm. ]
If you don't want to play any more, we don't have to... [ Although he was disappointed. He wanted to talk about Dean's bad dreams, and somehow apologise for his own actions within them. ]
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And so he tries, though he fails, to be quick about it, to scrounge together the parts of himself required to make this work. He falters for too long, trying to climb over his own self hatred, surmounting the heights he's crafted from his own mistakes. He finally makes it to shaking his head, laying down his own cards as well and offering Cas a hapless sort of smile that almost speaks to the pride he has for Cas knowing he's won. ]
Nah, i'm good. Your turn to shuffle.
[ Stacking them all back up into a pile, he hands them over purposefully, looking for all the world as if Cas best not try to talk him out of this, they're playing another damn hand. ]
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I wanted to ask...
[ His confidence faltered, just slightly. It was a big, scary topic. If he remembered visiting Dean's dream, then maybe Dean remembered visiting his own. Both had been unpleasant. But more than that, it was admitting that some part of the horrors Dean had seen had been part of Castiel and not just his own imagination. Castiel had killed him. ]
Do you remember any of your dreams?
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After a second, he accepts the cards he's given - a jack of spades and a six of diamonds - nothing worth much, but he looks up to Cas' question, eyebrows raised.
Oh.
Well, alright. Let's do this, then. He doubts the topic is one that Cas wants to go into but if he brought it up then it's one he's truly serious about. And one that Dean needs to confront seriously, lest he ends up hurting Cas more in the process. ]
Think I remember all of 'em.
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Then you remember...finding Sam and myself dead, in the... [ He frowns, giving his head a bit of a shake. ] Wherever it was that we were.
[ He didn't want to talk about it, but maybe if he faced this topic first he wouldn't have to speak about his own. ]
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