hadriel | video;

[ The man who appears on screen is wearing white hospital clothes, despite attempts to get him into something a little more him. They're comfortable, he protests. Over this he's wearing a much loved and heavily dry-cleaned (thanks, Dean) beige colored coat, the combination of the two making him look like a businessman - or perhaps a P.I. - who's had a little bit of a mental breakdown. Which...it's not far off from the truth.

In any case, he's sitting in the dark, looking drawn and tired, like he's either been trying very hard not to sleep, or the sleep hasn't been very good. It's a combination of the two, actually. ]

Did you know that human minds are most susceptible to influence when you're dreaming? If you wanted to teach yourselves how to communicate telepathically, for instance, it would be far better to do it when you're sleeping, when your brain isn't fettered by the constant needs of your body. Itching. Twitching. Fidgeting. All its aches and grumbles and complaints. Emotions. Recollections. Listening to other people chatter incessantly. Television. Arousal. You get the idea. It's all very distracting.

[ Seriously. Who let Castiel talk? Like ever.]

And let me tell you, some of those thoughts take up a lot of your time.

I--where was I? Ah. That is to say, I haven't ever slept before. I've visited dreams, of course, but experiencing my own is something else entirely. Something I'd rather avoid, if it's at all possible. So-- [ Deep breath. ] --I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions. Mnemonics, perhaps. The opposite of counting sheep. I'd drink coffee but I'm afraid I've discovered it has much the same effect on me as alcohol, which is to say I'd have to drink most of a plantation in order to have any kind of success.

Your assistance, please. I can't repay you, per se, but... Oh. [ He lifts his hands in front of him, and cups them together, and when he lifts them apart there is a little origami swan between his palms. ] I can do this.

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Oh, so we should just give in? [ she scoffs. ] Fuck that noise.

Not at all, but it seems to me that it's pointless to be angry at your fellow captives, no matter how willfully they surrender. It's...their way of coping, I suppose, but they're no less trapped here, as you are.

I'm going to be pissed at anyone that willfully supplies these assholes that torture us with energy, thanks, and maybe after you've suffered enough at their hands, you'll feel the same way.

But if it's unwilling, and you drive them out of starvation to torture with more frequency to support their growing appetite, that's better, and you'll forgive the people around you?

Edited 2016-06-03 20:17 (UTC)

No, but I'd feel as if we were on the same wavelength. [ that they were allies rather than extra, useless baggage. ] I don't forgive, or forget, though. [ No, she's much more the type to simply accept them if they change, but forgiveness? No. ] ]

[ This is not a good moment to ask how humans can be on wavelengths if they're not made of light. ]

Why not?

[ oh castiel, you beautiful unknowing angel you. ]

Because people rarely ever deserve forgiveness. [ They are rarely ever truly sorry for their actions. ]

That's...an unfortunate way of looking at the world.

[ If his voice is a little quieter, it's because, oh right, that's his guilt stabbing him in the heart. ]

To you, maybe. [ but she sees it as a way to protect herself. ]

It's unfortunate for others, not for you.

How so?

Guilt can be...overwhelming. Lonely. Forgiveness is its only absolution, but apologies shunned can be more devastating still. Forgiveness under false pretenses, however, is by far the worst.

I've done a great many terrible things myself. The only thing that helps me to carry on is the hope that some day I'll be forgiven for them.

[ it takes her a moment to reply. a part of her empathizes, but the rest of her swallows that feeling up, drowns it. ]

Apologies don't fix things, and neither does forgiveness. If you feel guilt, you're meant to live with it.

And use it--to fix things?

[ He knows that inherently, he's jjust hiding from his responsibility. ]

It's better to use it than wallow in it.

So I hear. I'll think about it.