hadriel | Dictation - 4 [Text] (Forward Dated to the 7th)

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Dictation - 4 [Text] (Forward Dated to the 7th)

[When he had blinked back into life upon Hope's altar, Rosen had felt neither joy nor sadness at the fact. He had stared dumbly at the ceiling, noting with vague surprise and disappointment that death seems to do nothing for alleviating a person's mental and emotional exhaustion. They, or at least he, simply felt the same heaviness and dull discomfort that seems to come with owning mortal flesh. Mortal flesh that has aged and withered, had grown gaunt and grey.

There was no ceremony or eagerness to the way he pulled himself up, sat for another moment or so, and gathered himself onto his feet.

There was a slight haze. A disorientation that felt like heavy fingers gripping lazily at the back of his brain, just tightly enough to be a constant drain but not an actual impairment, and with the same slow, apathetic demeanor he had begun the trudge back to the spires, climbed the steps, opened the door, then tucked himself away inside his apartment, slumped into a chair at his kitchen table.

What now?

Should he call someone? Inform someone that he was back? In his tired fog he couldn't really see a point to telling anyone. What difference would it make? Was it even important? His empty apartment almost felt, in that moment, like evidence confirming that no, it was not.

At some point his fingers crept into his sweater pocket and fished out his phone, and at last he typed out a simple and emotionless text]

Has anyone seen my satchel?

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If it is more about the gods and their nonsense then I don't want to know until absolutely necessary

[They currently rank at the bottom of his priorities list, and Rosen doesn't see the point of pretending otherwise]

Were there many casualties? Of the..the ghosts.

[Well, Lance feels even better about the decision not to go into it just yet.

His gaze shifts to the table briefly at the question, thinking over a few conversations he'd had during that whole event, and then gives a weak shrug.]

I don't know. Few people came into the Clinic for any sort of assistance, and although I spoke with some who did about what their plans were I'm not sure how many decided upon what course of action in the end.

[So there's very little way for him to have tracked how many deaths there were. He hopes not many, but realistically it was probably at least a few.]

[Lee knew that at least Ronan had chosen the same course of action, but couldn't be sure if anyone had managed to save him or not. Same for Sans. And the children, what became of Frisk and Duck?

He takes in a particularly sharp, wavering breath at the thought but does not voice his fears.]

And I assume you spoke to Will.

[The question had to be asked at some point]

[He notices that reaction, but doesn't ask just yet. There are a lot of things he's waiting to address until later, and so he just nods at Rosen's words.]

I did.

[A few times.]

He wasn't aware you'd return.

[That gives Rosen genuine pause, leaving him blinking slowly for a moment.]

No one told him about the rules of life and death here?

[He's even fairly certain that the phone's guide mentions it]

Though, the honest truth is I wasn't certain if I would come back or if I'd be sent away like Kate or Flick. However I was betting on the likelihood that I would eventually.

[Kate and Flick hadn't needed to die to be sent away, after all. So it suggests those rules are different.]

Apparently not. I thought he'd read the guide, so I didn't mention it either; someone else told him, though.

[So he'd found out soon enough, at least. Lance is quiet as Rosen continues, then gives another small shrug and looks off to the side again.]

I'd lecture you on taking the chance, but I probably would've done the same thing.

[He admits it quietly, but it's not like Rosen probably couldn't have guessed anyway; if Lance had seen any of his friends or his adoptive parents there's no way he would've been able to bring himself to kill them, real or not.]

[Rosen opens his mouth to speak but closes it again.

'Taking the chance' seems to strangely imply he had had a choice. He had, of course. In the literal sense. There was an option b, an option c even. But in the less literal world, there had been no there option left open to him.]

I could never kill my own daughter, even if it was perhaps only a copy of her.

[He chews at the corner of his lip]

I wasn't father of the year for any year of her life but... [He reaches up a hand to rub at his face] ...I never have and never could raise a hand against my own child. Not for anything. And certainly not to save my own ass.

[That's a response Lance approves of, for several reasons, and he gives a small nod of both understanding and agreement.]

You had no way of knowing if she was real or not, either. I'm not sure if there's a professional opinion to give here, but personally I think you made the right choice.

[If there's any sort of 'right' choice here, but hopefully Rosen gets what he means. And even after the event, who's to say how 'real' the ghosts were or weren't? What even defines being 'real?' Where's the line that makes it acceptable--or not--to decide these ghosts' lives aren't important?]

[In all honesty, Rosen would have found a professional opinion much less valuable]

Thank you

[The words are dropped quietly against his knuckles, hand still rubbing idly at his jawline]

[Lance smiles, just a little, trying to be reassuring, but he's not sure if it's working. Either way he lets silence fall for several seconds before speaking up again.]

Would you like to stay at my apartment for a few days?

[Mostly because he still doesn't think it's the best idea for Rosen to be alone, especially if the emotional side of everything hasn't kicked in yet.]

[Lee swallows with some difficulty, beginning to feel more than mildly frustrated with how he can simultaneously feel like himself and very much not feel like himself at the same time, then nods.]

Are you sure?

[Last time he'd stayed there had been when Lance was in the worst of his recovery. And at that time he had been, at least in theory, serving a function. Now he would just be- well he's not sure how to finish that thought.]

I wouldn't have offered otherwise.

[Even if he didn't already owe Rosen a lot for all he's done for him here he still would've offered, because it's the right thing to do in this situation and being there to help when needed is part of what goes into being friends.]

[Rosen moves to stand then]

Could we, um, could we go now? [A beat] Please?

I don't want to be here.

[He's a little surprised at the sudden enthusiasm, but nods and gets to his feet as well.]

Of course, sure. You should grab some spare clothes and things.

[Lee draws in a low breath but silently goes to do just that, using a drawstring bag he normally uses to carry spare things he finds for the clinic. He halfheartedly folds a few shirts and pairs of trousers, along with the odd cardigan and jacket.

He then walks back out to the kitchen, the bag gripped before him with both hands. He looks half like a kid waiting to be taken camping and half like he is lost in his own home. His last memories here were of being sick in bed and of Danielle and of dying.

He doesn't have it in him to process that right now, so now Rosen watches Lance expectantly, just wanting to get out of here. ]

Edited 2017-07-05 19:46 (UTC)

[While Rosen packs Lance wanders over to the piano, not bothering to sit down and just tapping a few keys here and there, in a very slow start to the first song that comes to mind which is made pretty unrecognizable by the slow pace and lack of chords. He looks up again when Rosen reenters the room, noticing the lost look, and tries taking the lead a bit.]

Is there anything else you'd like to bring? If not, let's go.

I, uh,

[His head turns slowly, looking around in a vague search for nothing specifically]

I think this is everything.

[Besides, if he's forgotten something, it is not too difficult to run back and grab it.]

Okay.

[That decided, Lance leads the way to the door and waits for Rosen to go first so that he can lock it behind them, then takes back over leading way toward the second spire. He shoves his hands in his pockets, glancing over at Rosen to make sure he's following, but he's content to walk in silence unless Rosen wants to say anything.]

[Unsurprisingly Rosen is short on the conversation as they walk, now and again just staring around at the cave but never remarking on it.

It is only when they begin the final approach towards Lance's door that he attempts some lightheartedness]

Roomies again.

[But his tone falls flat and it ends up feeling forced though he hadn't meant it to. Instantly he looks apologetic and drops his gaze back to the floor]

[Lance glances over an offers an encouraging smile, ignoring the forced tone and responding with his own light one.]

Yeah, although I'll warn you I'm probably going to be a lot more annoying a roommate now than I was last time.

[It's a joke, but might also be a little true; even as much as he'd complained about being stuck on bed rest--and as much as he'd run off to do things anyway--he'd still been in too much pain and feeling too sick to be particularly active, or even all that talkative while Rosen had been staying with him. Now that he's feeling better, his odd hours and breakneck pace of doing things might be a little trying.]

[There's a half smile at that though it is not followed by the snarky comeback that one might normally expect from him. No jokes about living with children or know-it-alls.

Right now he will take any situation with Lance, annoying or otherwise, than his empty apartment. After the whole issue with the ghosts, seeing Danielle again, he can't seem to rip his thoughts away from the emptiness that has dogged him the past year or so. In a way that it had never bothered him before, now it is as if a harsh light has been aimed directly at the fact that he has gone from a large house that is meant to hold an entire family but only contains himself, to nights alone in an office, to a prison cell, and now at last to Hadriel where he now has an empty apartment.

When did he become this way? It is like one day he looked up and everyone had left the room and he's not sure when they did.]

I don't think you'll annoy me [He murmurs]

You say that now.

[Lance unlocks the door to his apartment and leads the way in, and his apartment looks pretty much like it did last time Rosen was here except somewhat more organized and a little more decorated. It's simultaneously more lived in and more maintained.

There's still very little edible here, though, which might be a problem; he wasn't planning on any guests, after all.]

[And that is almost instantly the first thing Rosen thinks of as he follows Lance inside]

We will need to go grocery shopping

[He doesn't even need to look in Lance's fridge to know this]

[Well at least Rosen's still himself in there somewhere.]

I'm not sure if that's the term I'd use, but yes. Probably.

['Shopping' is not exactly what happens here, after all. He did find some cans of stuff that's reasonably decent, but he knows Rosen has slightly higher standards than he does for this sort of thing.]

[Rosen hums a bit distractedly at Lance's comment, setting his back down and wandering over to the counter]

What have you been eating?

[He had been dead for over a week, after all, so he's not sure how desperate the situation has gotten]

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