hadriel | ✫ 002 [text] thank you, i'll say goodbye soon

[And as with all events, everything ends. Alphys wakes back up in the house underground, and everything from the last 10 days is revealed to be a fake. She sighs as she pulls herself out of bed, ready to get back to some sense of normalcy.

It takes her a few hours to figure out anything’s wrong, because it’s not abnormal for Sans to sleep too long, or not come out of his room-- well, Papryus’, but it’s for the both of them now-- until late or necessary. She makes something to eat, settles in to read and relax, and thinks nothing of it until she tries to text him later and nothing comes up.

Alphys scans the contact list once, twice, and climbs off the shared couch, soul feeling tight in her chest as she approaches his room. She knocks, waiting a minute for his answer, because he must just be asleep, before knocking again, putting too much of her weight on the handle when the door finally swings to nothingness.

She spends the next hour tearing through the apartment, piece by piece, unwilling to believe this is happening, knowing what she knows about where he’s going... or, well, a lack thereof. It feels wrong for her to be in here, pawing through everything in a desperate hope, but she knows what this means. That one day someone can be here and the next simply be gone.

The house is doubly quiet, she finds in horror, the more she searches, the more she looks. Four gone. Four of her closest friends. Four that just never came back from that lovely town of nowhere.]

[She can’t bear to put herself on video for this, not when she’s crying, not when she can barely speak. So she types instead, hands shaking heavily, having found a batch of letters and items she feels important to be delivered.]

hhey so
for anyone who knknew sans
hes nnot here anymore
he went
he went away
napstablook too
if people are looking forthem

sans uhm
... he left a bunch of gifts for people with
they look like ggoodbye letters
i can check if you think he mightve left onef or--
theres too ma ny to list
im sorry

[She thinks about ending it there, and then adds one last addendum.]

i know theres a lot of people here who didnt like him and. im sure there was reasons for you tto not to get along
but please dont i
i dont want to know
not rightnnow

please

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Just as I told Sans a while ago there is nothing you need to hide from me. I do not judge. You could stab me in the chest and I may not forgive you but I will not blame you for it. It is not sacrifice or consideration. Actions may define a person but it is the future actions that matter. Judgement can come later, Miss Alphys, for whoever you answer to in the end even if simply death. Do you know why I liked Sans? He made me laugh. I saw what he was capable of. I saw him push me away. Yet he still made me laugh.

ive done a lot i should probably be judged for.
here and not and
i dunno
i guess its not necessarily your job or anything
i just kind of expect it by now??
even though everyone here doesnt know about everything
and i kind of want to keep it like that
is that... dishonest?
that not everyone who knows you doesnt know the worst parts of you?

you feel the need to be punished? even if it was my job I would find a hard time doing it. Then again that is and isn't true. you don't have to tell me anything about yourself even if I ask. It's very dishonest but you have to ask yourself does anyone have a right to know. Will you do it again? No one has any right to know what I have done unless I feel they do dishonest or not. what's wrong with just enjoying the company of others? Even if I were to find out you'll always be Miss Alphys just as Sans was Sans.

Edited 2017-08-18 17:59 (UTC)

ill....
ill try to keep that in mind
im sorry
i want to be a better person
but i dont want people to know me and then
get disappointed?
or be hurt
i dont want to do these things again but what if they happen anyway
what if i just
carry that destruction?

I'll never understand trying to be a better person. Usually who you are works just fine. And if it doesn't work it's not you, it's them. Humans lack a proper perspective. It reflects in monsters too. I have no answer for that. I destroy. I always do eventually. It matters not if I try to help people or not.

[This... takes her aback a little. She's never met someone so shameless about this sort of thing. Maybe it's her culture, or her worldview. But she's just never seen it.]

but dont you want to try and do good?
i mean
i do at least
ive always wanted to be the heroine and save everyone
but maybe thats just not who i am
even tho i dont... really know how to deal with that

I don't go out of my way to be who I am. I just am who I am. I find that most heroes are often heroes that aren't actually heroes. They aren't self sacrificing. They do it for themselves and less for others. A little glory never hurt anyone but it is often for the wrong reasons. A true hero is depicted on what they do in a great time of need. Most heroes run and save themselves. None actually try to do any good. The true heroes are the ones that are still standing after all their good intentions come crumbling down despite the blaming populace that use to exalt them with praise. Because of that most don't want to be a true hero. It isn't a glamorous life. You lose a lot to obtain it; Friends and family included.

[She reads over the words, ruminates on them closely; he’s not wrong, in what he says. And she knows she hasn’t been entirely selfless in her actions; there have been plenty of times she’s run and hid when the going got tough. But she’s… she’s done some good, even when she could have ran. Rosie, saying you saved my life after she tricked the monster away and helped drag her to the clinic, bloody and nearly unconscious. Sans’ smile in the kitchen, just after she arrived, the most sincere thank you she’s ever received from him. But then, of course, there was the resolution she never got back home. The Amalgamates. The running she did then, so no one ever knew what happened.

Maybe she’s not there. Maybe not at all, and she never will be. But she’s trying. She’s rapidly approaching a year in this city, a year to make up for all of the mistakes she made back home, and she’s trying, desperately so.]

i dont
i dont think i would really want any glory
i just want to make the world better
i want to see my friends smile and not have to worry about anything
i want them not to hurt so ill do everything i can to take that from them
idk if its heroic or anything
but my world wouldnt be whole without them in it
i couldnt go on if they werent by my side

they are my strength

[It's funny how much he's talking about Allen Walker right now. Allen was similar to one of the shonnen in Alphys' graphic novels and anime. Yet there was a strange way of both not understanding if he was praising or insulting that type of 'hero'. A hero wasn't exactly a hero in his book.

Either way he's patient as she reads everything over. He has all the time in the world and he's very good at reading in between the lines.]

Well then it's a good thing you still have friends here then, yes? After all it would be a shame if you just disappeared. They people I meet. The people I destroy to ensure my world stays whole. That makes everything worth it even if it barely matters in the end. Indulge in what you love to see. Just like I said at the party it is nice to dress up every now and then even if it is a false smile.

Edited 2017-09-12 06:31 (UTC)

[It would be a shame if you just disappeared.

Hah. If only he knew she already had.]

youre... youre right
i should fight for what i believe in
keep my friends safe and

i hope you find some peace too
in what you have to
i hope you have friends by your side

[He's a little oblivious when it comes to that. He would never consider doing it to himself even if he lost his Noah or his powers.]

It's always a pleasure to talk to you. So stay strong. Thank you, Miss Alphys. I have at least one friend that keeps me company. Maybe two.

[Maybe it's better that way.]

thanks
really

ill remember those words
advice from a friend =^w^=

But of course, Miss Alphys. Good evening or as well of one you can have.

ill do my best
thnx
<3