voice

[am_i_a_monster]

I'm Abigail. I'm new here. Well, new-ish. I think I've been here around three weeks.

[She paused for a moment, not wanting to say too much about her hallucinations from the stings, or the days after when she was convinced she had become mentally ill and everything was a hallucination. She has the worry that she's inherited something from her father, something seriously wrong with her and this place is so strange that a part of her still thinks she's lost her mind.]

I wasn't myself for a while. I thought I had this other life and was back in high school. And I was taking piano lessons too, which was cool. I was learning to play the harpsichord before I came here.

[She paused again.]

I haven't used social media in a while.

[She wasn't sure how long she was in hiding in her old life. It's strange to be interacting publicly again.]

I guess I just want to say hi. So, hi.

Comments

[toiletseat_girl]

After for most people is nice. Sparkly lights, souls floating up into the sky. After for me was more of a pain in the ass.

Yeah, you too.

[am_i_a_monster]

I think my mom went to the sparkly place.

What was after for you like?

[toiletseat_girl]

[probably shouldn't ask, but is going to anyway] What about your dad?

After was a nine to five job with the side bonus of having to witness at least one traumatizing death every day on my lunch hour. And annoying coworkers for both jobs.

[am_i_a_monster]

I don't know. My dad did bad things, but he was sick. Mentally ill.

I'm sorry. I saw too much death too. I've never had a job though.

[toiletseat_girl]

Oh. Shit. That sucks. I'm--well, I'm sorry.

Trust me, you are not missing out on anything. Except for a paycheck, that was kind of nice.

[am_i_a_monster]

Yeah, I wouldn't have minded that part. Or the independence that came with it.

[toiletseat_girl]

Yeah, but I didn't realize how fucking expensive it is, being on your own. It's crazy. Rent alone was two weeks' pay and I lived in a shithole.

[am_i_a_monster]

Being on your couldn't have felt safe either.

[toiletseat_girl]

...it both did and didn't. Did because nothing could really hurt me. I was dead. You can't kill what's already dead.

Didn't because--well, because I was on my own. No safety net whatsoever. And no one to turn to who really gave a fuck.

[am_i_a_monster]

I've never been on my own, but I know that feeling of not having anyone to turn to.

[toiletseat_girl]

Yeah? But what about your mom?

[am_i_a_monster]

[She hesitates for a few seconds. She can't say her dad would have killed her mom sooner if Abigail had told her the truth.]

There was a lot I had to keep secret from her.

[toiletseat_girl]

[yikes]

Yeah? Same here. But my mom wasn't exactly the warm and fuzzy type.

[am_i_a_monster]

My mom was. I wanted to keep her that way.

[toiletseat_girl]

'Cause of secrets?

[am_i_a_monster]

Yeah. She wouldn't have been safe if I told her them.

[toiletseat_girl]

[this completely flummoxes George for a moment. her relationship with her mom wasn't the greatest, but deep down, she knew she could always go to her]

But--why? I mean, you're her daughter.

[am_i_a_monster]

I was my father's daughter too.

[toiletseat_girl]

[fathers are a tricky subject with George since hers just started having an affair. add in what little she knows about Abigail's father and, well...]

And he was--not well. Right?

[am_i_a_monster]

[She nods.]

Right.

[toiletseat_girl]

That had to have been rough.

[mistress of the understatement]

[am_i_a_monster]

Yeah. It was really messed up, especially near the end.

[toiletseat_girl]

That. Well, I'm sorry. That had to suck.