hadriel | 008 [Video]

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008 [Video]

[So the fighting may be over, but that doesn't mean everything is going to be immediately fine. Finally having the time to really think about everything that's happened, and for everything to sink in, is going to make the next few days and weeks just as much of a challenge for some here as the last have been, if not more so.

But that is, hopefully, something he can help with, if at least a little. And there are new arrivals as well, who not only had to deal with the end of the invasion but also everything that goes along with suddenly finding themselves in an entirely new world, not to mention the sudden setting change too.

So he's trying to look as composed and calm as possible, which is a bit of a struggle since--like pretty much everyone else--he's exhausted and didn't get out of the whole ordeal with the Null entirely unscathed. Compared to some people he definitely fared better, but there's still a pretty obvious bruise across his cheekbone and around his eye; it's not too serious, but the main problem is that it's also not very helpful in looking as professional and put together as he's trying to appear.

Still, he's doing his best, and he lifts his chin a little and takes a deep breath before speaking.]

If anyone is injured, or just in need of somewhere safe to rest, the hot springs and the fire station are both serving as temporary locations for the clinic. Additionally, considering the seriousness and extent of everything that's happened in the last few weeks as well as the arrival of new people, it's worth reiterating that I'm a psychologist and so if anyone wants to talk, whether about recent events or otherwise, I'm available to meet.

[A short pause.]

I'm... Not exactly sure where, since my office doesn't exist anymore, and I probably should've thought about this before making this announcement...

[That would've been good planning, if he weren't so tired and scattered, but okay, refocus--]

But that can be decided on an individual basis. Additionally, if you'd like to respond privately, you can do so.

[And he includes a brief explanation of how to make a conversation private. With all of that out of the way, he'll put a filter on the post himself and add another message.]

[Private to friends and coworkers]

I hope you're all okay, and... If anyone who wants to let me know for sure that they are, that would be great.

[He's worried about everyone. :c]

[[ooc: Anyone on the Clinic staff list or who has positive CR will be included in this filter; feel free to assume your character's included if they and Lance know each other and are on good terms!]]

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I guess sometimes I know I'm being irrational. But other times I just snap, or I'm so caught up in it that I can't think straight.

[It's the instability that's part of the problem. Granted there are... many parts to this problem.]

[Lance's usual advice--and the advice given in general for handling anger issues--are not necessarily fair in this situation, so he's kind of struggling to come up with something that will both work and not be an unrealistic expectation. So he nods a little, asking another question.]

In those latter times, is there any sort of common factor? A subject or topic, or the way someone says something, or if they press an issue beyond a certain point?

[There, yeah, that's it. Lance lands on something the clicks. A commonality.]

That, yeah. If they push it too far, if they don't stop. The longer something goes on, the more I'm likely to go off. And when people try to talk down to me, it's even worse. Before, I could just ignore it, but now it's like I can't.

That's difficult to put up with even without being in your particular situation.

[His tone isn't totally scathing, but it's still clear that he understands this struggle. He gets talked down to a lot here.]

Does it make an difference if the conversation is in text, over the phones, or in person?

[It's not difficult if you just pretend it isn't happening and avoid having feelings about it! Too bad that totally healthy coping mechanism isn't an option anymore.]

In that order, really. It's worse if we're in person, because it means I'm more likely to- Well. Do something.

For the former two situations, a simple solution--even if it's another short-term one--is to just end the conversation. Don't worry about being rude or anything, just turn off your phone.

[Because at this point, in this situation, it's more important to keep things calm than to worry about manners, especially during a disagreement.]

In person it's more difficult, but leaving a conversation may be a good choice then as well. If you're already consciously concerned about the possibility of losing control in an in-person conversation, finding the motivation to leave may be easier than it sounds.

[Oh.]

Right, okay, I feel kind of stupid for not thinking of that before.

[It's not said with any serious self-deprecation. He doesn't really think he's an idiot, just wow, good job self.]

What if they follow me, though? Or what if the other person messages me again?

[He hasn't practiced disengaging, so he doesn't know how likely it is to happen.]

Edited (words) 2018-01-17 08:36 (UTC)

[Lance is honestly just really glad he takes this so well; he'd been concerned the solution would've been so obvious that Michael would've already thought about and had a reason why it wouldn't work, and that would make him angry.]

If they message you again you can either put your phone somewhere you can't see it, or write really scathing responses that you delete instead of sending. That can be pretty therapeutic.

[Lance may or may not do that occasionally.]

As for following you, that's more of an issue. Most people aren't going to bother, especially if you make it clear you need time to calm down; just tell them you're going for a walk, and then don't come back. If they do actually continue to follow you, however, you should tell them directly that you're worried you'll lose your temper.

[And the person will then, hopefully, back off. And if they don't, they've at least been fairly warned.]

Is that what you do? Writing and deleting things?

[He normally would regret saying that, but regret's not his strong suit right now. Oops. Maybe he just doesn't want to feel like he'd be the only one doing it.]

I'll try to walk away, I'll try to stop talking, but sometimes, in the moment, it's hard to think about anything else. It's like I get single-minded. Which makes sense, I guess, since that's... what it does.

[The question is a little bit of a surprise, but he doesn't mind answering it.]

Sometimes. Writing things out, whether in that form or in a journal, can help deter hyperfocusing or obsessing over a conversation and how it makes you feel.

[Without having to deal with the consequences of actually saying it. He's quiet for a few moments at the last part, deciding how to approach the point he wants to try making.]

If it were a situation in which the person you were talking to was unstable or violent, and might be dangerous to you to react with anger toward them, do you think you could resist acting or would the single-mindedness still be too strong?

[Michael's only ever used a journal for more nefarious purposes, like keeping track of the Visitor's targets. If anything, that just exacerbates the hyperfocusing, but it's... different. Anyway, deleting a text is probably easier.

He guesses if it comes to it, he can just tell Harlan how he was planning to tell the other person off. That'll at least get it out. Unless the person he was going to tell off was Harlan.]

You mean if I thought they might hit me back, or get revenge or something?

[That's uh. A tough question to answer.

No it's not, he knows perfectly well what the truth is.]

I don't think it would have much of an effect. That's... Not an entirely new development, either. [He shouldn't be sharing this.]

Not that I normally like starting fights, I usually avoid any kind of confrontation, but I'm not really afraid of getting hurt.

[Okay, well, that answer is not only not helpful in the point Lance was hoping to be able to make, but it's also worrying. They'll have to go back over that later, but right now they have the more pressing issue to focus on.]

Alright. What if it were to protect someone else, who you care about?

[Yeah, he figured this one was going to be a do-over.]

You mean if the person I was arguing with might hurt them? I don't know, I would hope I'd be able to rein it in. But if I couldn't, I'd just... try to make sure it was directed at me instead. And if that didn't work-

[Ugh, this one's going to be a do-over too, isn't it?]

Then I guess I'd try to make sure I acted first.

[Michael averts his eyes a little. He's not sure which part is more shameful, the fact that he'd jump to violence or the fact that he's not even sure all of this is a part of his current condition. He can't think of a time he wouldn't rather himself get hurt than someone he cared about, or that he wouldn't be willing to physically put a stop to someone else trying to hurt them.]

[...Yeah, also not a great response, and only slightly more helpful to the point Lance is trying to get to than the last one was. Unfortunately he doesn't think he's going to be able to carefully lead there, so it might better to just say it.]

Although admirable that you would try to defend your friends if necessary, I was asking because an important part of anger management or avoiding obsessive behavior is recognizing when and how you control it. If, in an extreme situation, you can prevent yourself from acting on it, then you're able to do so at any time if you truly want to do so.

[Which is often encouraging to someone who truly feels out of control, because the might realize they have more control than they thought. It also, of course, calls out people using it as an excuse, but that's another issue.]

Oh.

[Yep that's not at all the point Michael thought they were making. Not that he really had any idea what the point was in the first place.]

I guess that makes sense. So if I can stop myself sometimes, then in theory, I can stop myself every time.

[Which is comforting for his current situation, but has some unfortunate implications for certain other aspects of his life. Which he should not bring up. He shouldn't. He's going to.]

What if it's less like stopping yourself and more like resisting something? If you can do it once, does that mean you can do it forever? What if the thing gets worse?

[He's getting ahead of himself a little. Without realizing it, he's started to tap his finger against his knee, rapidly. He still isn't quite meeting Lance's eyes.]

Right.

[In regard to the first part, anyway. He's once again glad that Michael seems to take that okay, although his next questions are definitely not easy to answer.]

Were this not a situation where they could truly be an outside influence, rather than your own emotions or desires, then I would say yes. But what you're dealing with is more complicated, and so I can't give you an answer either way.

[It's clear in his tone that he wishes he could, but he can't. The outside influence of the other being, as well as the potential of additional effects caused by Hope messing up the resurrection, takes this more into the realm of an external influence such as would happen during an event, and Lance doesn't consider it fair to expect people to resist them.

However, that said--]

For now, though, it might be best not to separate the issues; resisting a compulsion or urge from an external source is different from resisting your own desires in terms of personal responsibility and culpability, but the mechanism for doing so is pretty much the same. So if you go into it with the attitude that you can think about and remember the reasons why you don't want to act on your anger, you have the best chance of successfully controlling it whatever the cause.

[And unfortunately, it's pretty much the only option right now.]

Remembering the reasons you have for not acting, and trying to keep those in mind as being more important to you than the immediate but temporary satisfaction you would gain from giving into anger, is the best strategy to try first.

[Lance is using pretty clear logic, and he isn't calling Michael's experiences into question, so the advice is pretty easy to swallow so far. But there's a part of what he says just now that sticks in Michael's throat just a little.]

Wait. I get what you're saying about remembering the reasons and all that. [Especially the part about the immediate but temporary satisfaction.] But back up a step.

What do you mean it's different in terms of responsibility and culpability? If I give in to it, isn't that still my fault? Even if it's not me who wants to do it, even if it's an outside influence, it's not like I'm just a passive vessel here. I have the final say. So that's on me, right?

[He is... only slightly still talking about the current situation.]

Edited (i'm good at html) 2018-01-30 08:23 (UTC)

[It isn't a particularly odd point to focus on, but the way that Michael does so makes Lance a little suspicious about the reason for it. But he focuses just on answering for the moment, watching Michael's reaction carefully as he does so.]

It's complicated, at best, to give an answer to that, especially since many of the situations here don't exist in my world.

[So there's no generally agreed upon way to deal with them and such.]

But generally, it seems unfair to hold an individual responsible for things done under duress by an outside cause. Mundanely, without magic or anything of that sort, an example would be if someone were forced to commit a crime by someone threatening them or their family. Technically, they could've said no and chosen not to do so, but if they don't is it really their fault?

[It's a weird grey area, but one in which the answer is generally a no. So similarly considering magic, the effects of the gods, and those sorts of things, Lance can't consider it reasonable to blame someone for their actions in those situations.]

[Under duress by an outside cause. Yeah, that much is true. But it feels like Lance still doesn't grasp the situation, and that's frustrating, even if a good deal of the reason is that Michael hasn't exactly explained it.

His tone turns suddenly sharp.]

No one's threatening me or my family. Nobody has a fucking gun to my head. It's not some kind of ransom, it's just me taking the easy way out. And say somebody does kill someone because they're being threatened or something, they still did it, that doesn't change anything.

[Michael stops and takes a breath. God, what were they just talking about?]

[The tone causes Lance to go tense and still, though more out of wariness than actual fear this time, carefully watching Michael's reaction in case things go further than just some snappishness. He can deal with snappishness.

He decides not to argue the last point, even though he disagrees; that's a fight for a different time. For now, instead, he focuses on the first part, cautiously challenging.]

If it were just a matter of taking the easy way out, then you wouldn't be so worried about being unable to control it.

[Lance doesn't quite realize that Michael is potentially talking about two different subjects at this point, even if his erratic behavior is indicating some disconnect.]

[Thankfully Michael doesn't take it any further. Practice, or whatever. He does seem clearly agitated still; where earlier he was simply tapping at his knee, now he's sort of clawing at it.]

I'm worried about controlling me, not it. I keep telling you people I'm not possessed.

[Ugh, he's gotten way off topic. But it's still bothering him, and he can't let it go.]

This isn't- I'm not necessarily talking about the anger thing right now. I'm just saying that if someone does something, even if they were pushed to by something else, then they still did it, and it's still their fault.

I don't think this is necessarily the best time to discuss that.

[Especially if it's not directly related to the reason Michael came here, although mostly because Lance doesn't agree but doesn't have the desire to argue about it right now. He neither has the mental energy for it nor wants to press his luck with Michael's anger issues.]

But if it's truly about controlling yourself, then you have everything you need to do so. It's a matter of remembering why you want to resist acting on your emotions, and then deciding not to do so.

[Michael is used to people arguing this point into the fucking ground with him, so Lance's sudden stop catches him off guard. The momentum of his anger falters, and for a second, he's not sure what to do.

In the end he winds up feeling a little bit chastised. Which he rightfully should, he guesses.]

Right. [He doesn't apologize, though.] Guess that's the best we can do for now.

[He feels like he's forgetting something. Oh yeah.]

Thanks. For the advice, and for putting up with this.

[On a better day Lance would definitely engage in the arguing, but right now he has to choose his battles and is glad that it turns out to be for the best in this situation.]

You're welcome; I just hope it helps. And if you find yourself angry at someone or something and want to vent about it instead of doing anything you might regret, you can always send me a message or call.

[Because listening to some complaining is a very easy way to--hopefully--help.]

[The offer is unexpected, even if it shouldn't be. Lance has listened to him so far, despite his outbursts, why wouldn't he listen some other time? Michael knows he isn't likely to use it. He doesn't think he should put that shit on other people's shoulders, and Lance probably has his own problems.

... But it's nice to know the option exists.]

I, um. I appreciate it.

[He shifts awkwardly, and then abruptly stands.]

Probably shouldn't monopolize your time. I'm sure you have other people to deal with, given the general mental state of this place right now.

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