hadriel | duel 6. ( video. )

「He's been stalling on this for a while now, not sure of how to address it any longer, back then, when he first had learned about it, he was angry, frustrated, but now, not so much, he just wants answers. Might as well do this before there is more people coming into the city.

He looks thoughtful, mostly, as he stares idly at the camera not caring to hide the Millennium Eye stuck in his left socket as he did when they took pictures at Delmar's home. If everything went right, this would be the last time he would be seen wearing that creepy eye.」

Since everyone seems to be on the topic lately, I might as well remind you that there is a murderer among us. One that remains unpunished.

「Or so he thinks. He cannot keep wondering any longer, he needs to know. He needs to make sure there isn't someone running around killing people just because they think it's right. If that's the case.」

You, the one who killed Yukari, he might have deserved what you did to him, you made him pay for what he did, but you don't have my gratitude for it. Don't think you can hide forever. I will find you, no matter what it takes. And I will make you pay on his behalf.

「The tiredness in his voice, the aloofness in the way he speaks, the passion lacking in his usually prideful speech, doesn't quite make up for a good threat, maybe it's is not intended that way, but, it doesn't mean he's less determined about it. He will find them, he will read every person's mind in this city with the Millenium Eye if he has to. He can, why not simply do it?」

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Compassion leads nowhere, in the end we are all alone, born alone, die alone.

「And Curufin might be seeing what Atem's friends might be talking about, he would never talk to a friend like that, he would never be so ruthless about something like compassion, he had learned that unity and kindness were the only way to sail through life, a better life. He doesn't seem to notice at all, of course. It's his own anger towards Yukari, his own fears and the Eye's influence that clings onto them, twisting his perspective to the best of its abilities.」

Edited 2018-03-29 14:42 (UTC)

[ These are perilously close to Curufin's own thoughts in the dead of night when he remembers the past and has doubts about the future, and he falls into the grip of uncertainty.

But it's a little disconcerting to hear Atem saying such things. There is a discontinuity here, between what Atem normally expresses and what he is saying now. And that is worrisome. ]

How long have you been having these thoughts, Atem?

You too think I'm crazy...

「He says after a pause, in which he looked through and through at Curufin (maybe looking more than he should, and more into his thoughts), then he scoffs.」

Is it so hard to believe that I can too have dark thoughts? The fact that I don't say them doesn't mean I don't have them.

[ He shakes his head. ] No, Atem, I don't think you're crazy. [ Far from it! ]

[ Sometimes Curufin forgets that Atem has ability to read his thoughts at times. But that look reminds him. ]

I guess it's not that hard to believe. Everybody puts up a front, including me. And you, to some extent. We have to. Ordinary life would not be possible without it. But if you have dark thoughts, you are welcome to share them with me. You do not have to be alone with them.

「Well, that surely takes him aback, enough to seem confused about it. His sole healthy eye widening slightly. This is unexpected, his closest friend had thought of him not being himself when he expressed himself like this. He didn't understand that Atem could not possibly be this eternally optimistic being, but Curufin did?

Atem looks away as he seems to deflate a little, still confused, having expected an entirely different reaction.

He just nods after a moment.」

[ Curufin has so much experience with thoughts that are the exact opposite of optimistic that he has no trouble with the idea that others have them. Even Atem. ]

Atem, you're strong, as I was saying. And a strong person has strong emotions -- the whole spectrum! -- joy, sorrow, love, hate, confidence, fear, compassion, anger. You don't have to be less than you are. Not when you're around me, anyway.

「Is he truly allowed to be and feel more than others expect him to? It's such a foreign concept to him. And maybe it's not the first time someone has hinted that at him, but after being raised that way, lived that way, to put others before whatever he's feeling, regardless of what it is, to be kind and just all the time, it's very hard to deviate from that structure.」

It's like you're asking for trouble...

「Not that he wouldn't want the very same from his friends...」

[ Yes, he is allowed! At least, so far as Curufin is concerned. Curufin too was raised in a rigid structure, although in some ways it was a kindly upbringing. He knows the reward and the price of such a system. He will always encourage Atem to feel and be whatever he himself thinks is best, even if that means to break out of the strictures. ]

Maybe. But you have a right to be yourself.

「The right to be himself, but who is he truly? For some, he will forever be the Pharaoh, bound to his duties ever since the day he was born and fated to continue them even after his death; and for others... who is he to those who don't expect that from him? He doesn't know. Perhaps he hadn't finished finding who he is. Did people ever found themselves, he wondered. Maybe, for as long as he was in Hadriel, he could play pretend, maybe.」

I would like that...

「Whatever that means. The bitterness in his voice is long gone now, his features seem to smooth over.」

Thank you, Curufin.

「For everything.」

[ And perhaps finding oneself is a never-ending journey. Curufin is inclined to that belief, and he will fully support Atem on this, whether or not the Pharaoh ever finishes the journey. ]

You're welcome. And thank you as well, my friend.

[ A discussion with a felicitous ending. ]

duel 6. ( video. )

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Want to wrap this one and pick up a new thread?

sure thing

<3