hadriel | MAKE A WISH; VIDEO

[Things have been very weird. There have been a lot of kids? Suddenly? Some of the kids are his friends but they don't remember him? It's weird! Hayden has no idea. What he does know is that he's "do everything for Hope" quest never sleeps. So he's posting a new video waving around an empty jar.

Some former squad members may recognize this as the selfsame mud jar. But it's clean now. Thank God.]

This is my wish jar! Please I am hoping to fill it with wishes for Mister Lord--I mean--I mean--

[He hesitates, practically choking as he stammers in confusion.]

For Hope.

[The sudden lack of titles makes him look very guilty and uncomfortable and he loses his enthusiasm, if only for a second. Then he snaps back to attention.]

I am going to give him many happy things and it will be from all of us and then he will feel better so please tell me all of your wishes and they can be whispered into the jar and they will make him feel much better!

[He's kind of stuck on a repetitive loop here but he's hardly noticed. He just shakes the jar even more.]

Wishes! Please! Thank you!

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Well...I don't think many people are wishing for her right now, so somebody should.

[He fidgets, pawing idly at his jar as he considers his reasoning more. Bear with him, he takes a bit of greasing to really get into ethics. His...somewhat stunted brand of ethics.]

And I think that she is a good even though she did a really big bad that made a lot of people mad at her...she wouldn't have made so many friends otherwise. She still deserves to be happy, I think. Maybe someday things will be better and nobody has to worry about her doing a bad thing again, and she can come back out and everyone will be...um...forgiven! Yeah!

[In an almost stunning instant of clarity, he adds:]

Sometimes the intent behind selfless action only serves to cause more suffering. No matter what she said in her own defense, I'm sure that she does regret how things had to be.

[And then...he chews on his sleeve and the spell is broken.]

[Oh, right, Hayden just does this shit sometimes. Harlan always forgets and it's always very disorienting.

Anyway, sure, he'll get into this. Why not?]

I'm not saying you're wrong, but a lot of people died because of her. Half the city got destroyed. Hope almost died. Do you think we can forgive her for that? [...Or, better question:] Can we trust her again?

Maybe not...

[He looks down.]

But if everyone who died is back again, then can't trust be re-earned? Or once it's broken does it stay broken forever?

[That sort of stumps Harlan for a moment. It's... admittedly a deeper response than Harlan was expecting out of Hayden. He's glad for it, though. This is interesting.]

No, I don't think it stays broken forever. Not completely.

[But...]

Dying wasn't fun though, Hayden. It hurt a lot. It was scary. I watched Michael die, too. I saw one of the Null kill him and I couldn't stop it. I knew you and Delmar and all of our other friends might die, too. [He pauses.] I think that was the most afraid I've ever been. I'm not going to forget that.

[He wishes he could, or at least that he could remember it selectively. He's not a fan of the nightmares, the sudden intrusive thoughts that remind him of that moment. He's knows how this works, though. It's not going to let up anytime soon.]

Trust can be re-earned, but I think that scar will always be there. It's not broken, but it is changed, isn't it?

[He's quiet for another moment, and then:] That's my opinion, anyway. I want to know what you think. It's okay if you don't agree with me.

I know. I found your bodies and...

[No, he doesn't want to think about it. About finding them, and seeing what their bodies had gone through and how painful it must have been for them emotionally and physically.]

I think your opinion is good. And I don't disagree with you or think that mine is better. I just don't want anyone to feel as if they are alone or that they are unloved or unwanted. I think it's the worst thing in the world when you feel that way.

[And he's felt that way for a lot of his life.]

[That's a gut-punch Harlan is in no way ready for. What? He'll, um. The rest of that can wait.]

You... found our bodies? When?

[Hayden suddenly discovers that his fingernails are quite tasty, because he can't seem to stop gnawing on them.]

...I guess I never told you that, did I? I was trying to find you...because I was scared. So I left the bunker...and I found you.

[Found him too late.]

[Yuck. But Harlan isn't about to stop him. It's not like his own coping mechanisms are any healthier.]

Shit. Hayden, I'm sorry. You shouldn't have had to see that.

[Harlan doesn't know exactly what that scene would've looked like, but he knows it couldn't have been pretty. He saw Michael. He felt what the Null did to him. He's had plenty of nightmares about both of these things.]

Are you okay? [He's not sure what the best move is here, so he defaults to his go-tos.] We can talk about it if you want to, but I won't force you.

...it's okay. I saw a lot of people get killed back home. I just thought...

[He fidgets.]

I just thought that...this was a place where those kind of things didn't happen. So when it did happen I got really upset.

You did?

[That's... Mm.]

Um. Well, usually it is that kind of place. Bad things just happen sometimes. [...] And they can always happen again, but that doesn't mean you need to worry, okay? We're fine right now, and I think we're gonna be fine for a while yet. That's what's cool about life. Things can always change. If things get bad again, they don't have to stay bad forever.

MAKE A WISH; VIDEO

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