010 [Text]

[lifetothefullest]

[Lance doesn't typically post to the network within a few weeks of a previous post, partially because talking to so many people is exhausting and partially because he usually doesn't have anything to say so soon after. But this time he has two brief announcements that happen to be time-sensitive, so here goes.]

Hello everyone. The list of who is available and willing to teach particular skills is now available, and I'll continue to make changes to it as requested; it isn't too late to volunteer, if you'd like to. Where possible I've provided references to the initial responses, so be sure to look at the details of what someone is offering.

[And that's the main announcement. The second one he's still nervous about, even though he's been set on doing it for awhile, and it's part of the reason this is text; it's easier both to choose his words and not back out if it's through text.]

I'm also going to be taking a brief break from non-emergency counseling. This will only be for a few weeks, and if a situation is very pressing or serious I'm still available to meet; please don't hesitate to contact me, and don't second-guess yourself about whether it's serious enough to warrant doing so. The last thing I want is for someone who really needs help not to get it because I decided to take a vacation.

[And he really, really means this; the entire idea is making him nervous all over again about the decision to take a break, because if something happened to someone because he wasn't available to meet with them he's not sure he would forgive himself. But people here survived a long time without a psychologist around, right? Surely everything will be okay.]

Comments

[lifetothefullest]

[That sounds really not good, although again a little too vague for him to make many conclusions.]

What happened? If you want to talk about it.

[If she doesn't, that's fine and he wants that to be clear.]

[am_i_a_monster]

Can you promise you won't think I'm like him?

[lifetothefullest]

[He considers that for a moment, not because he doesn't want to say yes or even thinks that it's likely to be a problem, but it's difficult--and wrong--to promise something he can't be sure of. So he decides to be honest, and hope she understands.]

It's difficult to give you any sort of promise that will mean anything without already knowing the situation. But I can tell you that, with what I do know so far, it's extremely unlikely I'm going to think badly of you.

[He's not a fan of victim blaming, and he's pretty sure he made it clear on Tim's post that he understands how murky and grey things can get in extreme situations. If it's a matter of being in a difficult situation and doing what she had to to survive, he's not going to hold it against her.]

[am_i_a_monster]

My dad did a lot of bad things, then killed my mom and cut my throat. I survived.
People said I was like him, even spray painted words on my childhood home.
The whole nature/nurture thing.
But I'm not like him.

[lifetothefullest]

[Oh, geez, that's... He's not sure what he was expecting, really, but what she says is pretty horrible.]

None of that is your fault, and I'm sorry you had to go through it. You're not like him unless you choose to be, no matter what anyone tells you.

[am_i_a_monster]

I wonder about it sometimes, if I brought something out in him. Or if I could have stopped him.

[lifetothefullest]

In looking back, we can always see things that we could've done differently, but we make the best choices we can at the time. Whatever he did, those were his decisions; you didn't cause them, and you weren't--and aren't--responsible for stopping them.

[am_i_a_monster]

I did cause them in a way. The bad things my dad did before the day he died - he did those bad things to other girls, girls that looked like me.

[lifetothefullest]

Obsessions and fixations are not the victim's fault. If you hadn't been there, he would've simply found a different reasoning and justification for the same actions.

[am_i_a_monster]

But he wasn't like that until I started thinking about college and leaving home.

[lifetothefullest]

Even if he had truly not considered doing anything before then, which is extremely unlikely, it's still not your fault. Growing up and leaving home is a natural part of life, not something you did wrong.