hadriel | voice.

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voice.

I've been wondering about love lately. Not just romantic love, any kind of love. I was told that every love is different and unique. It seems like it doesn't matter - love always messes people up. Like love always end up hurting people in one way or another. People hurt the ones they're supposed to love or hurt themselves or hurt someone else. Or they leave us, even if they don't want to, and that hurts.

[Long pause.]

So why do I...why does anyone want to be loved?

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thats not always true.
sounds like uve just had some rough luck.

Not just me.
Do you anyone who's had good luck?

idt anyone has good luck all the time.
took me a long time to figure it out but somehow i did and now shits pretty good.
its more abt trust than love imo.

You have someone here? Was it good even when things got weird?
Trust leads to getting hurt too.

I was always told that love was an outdated concept, something.....

[Seel pauses,trying to find a less offensive word than 'humans']

Something misguided and backwards civilizations clung too. Truth is, I think we all want it. Some just pretend otherwise.

Everyone wants to be accepted or cared for. But most of us are imperfect.

u mean when everyone went psycho for each other?
no. things werent good then.
they werent good for anyone. and that was bc of the gods influence.
i still love him and i still trust him. one shitty event doesnt change that.
if ur upset w. someone over what happened when that was going on u should talk to them.

[When "Rey" speaks, she still doesn't sound like herself, but more stilted, robotic, and Russian in accent. In the pastimes spent perusing her device that has been totally foreign and dated to her, she comes across this post. At first she is remiss to respond. After all, she doesn't belong here, and it isn't her place to tell people what to do with their emotions. What happened to Rey -- the actual Rey -- has every little thing to do with love and how much it hurts both her and the ones around her. That's just life as she knows it.]

Am certain my opinion will be unpopular. Truth is that I would not be existing nor where I am now if not for love. For better or for worse. [Definitely for worse right now. Her head is killing her and she can barely stay conscious sometimes, but she's fighting that right now.]

Those who wish to think clinically would say your want to be loved is chemical. Humans are social creatures. Without companionship then they die like lone wolves.

Have you ever heard the saying that 'love is a drug'? I didn't believe it until it happened to me.

Even if it hurts like hell, the high can be so worth it that you can't stop yourself from loving people again.

I wish I had a good answer to that, because it seems to me that it's as you say... love will only ever lead to pain. Perhaps the person you love doesn't feel the same in return. Perhaps you find love with someone, but eventually one of you dies anyway.

[Well, he didn't mean to come in and be a total downer, but here we are. It's just a topic that he thinks about frequently.]

Some people would say that the pleasant feelings they experience from love outweigh the feelings of pain. I'm not so sure that's true.

I've never been in love, but...I've seen what it can do when things go right, and it's like watching people become the best versions of themselves. It...seems pretty great, and I dunno, like it would be worth the bad experiences to get to the good ones.

(This hits home hard. Her old self would have likely agreed with Abigail. She knows better now; love is worth everything to fight for and to keep.)

There is no better feeling in the world. Even if it causes pain in the long run, the joy it brings outweighs any negativity.

Both could be true. It's an outdated, misguided thing that we all want.

Maybe it's an impossible thing then.

I don't know how much of it was influence and how much of it was something bad in us already that the gods brought out.
Did he hurt you?
I'm not upset with anyone. They might be upset with me.
I'm confused.
Trying to figure things out.

What do you mean? Like you were made from your parents' love or something?

[Abigail doesn't have much belief in that. Not after what happened with her parents]

I've known a couple people who lived without love for a long time.

[She's speaking of Hannibal and Will and basing it solely on what Hannibal made her believe, that they didn't have love until they found each other -they were unique and no one else could understand or love them]

Are you okay?

I will not lie to you, it hurt when Matt left me. It still does hurt and I still worry that I won't be able to find his world when it's all over.

But loving him and being loved by him was the most wonderful thing ever to happen to me.

I used to think that love was for suckers. Now I'm not so sure.

I don't think they do. They want the illusion of love. That way, they don't feel bad about fucking.

That makes the most sense of what I've heard. It's addictive, messes up your mind and your life and yet you still want it, even if you know it can kill you.

Or you find love with them and makes you crazy.

Maybe there are no pleasant feelings. Maybe love is just to avoid other worse feelings.

I thought that's what I had with Hannibal. We weren't in love, but we loved each other as family. He said he was making me better, more powerful, and now that's he gone - I don't know. I don't feel like I'm a better person. I just miss him.

The bad experiences can be final and then you never get to have anymore experiences. I don't think anyone was killed when this place was making people go crazy with love, but they could have been killed.

Even if the joy doesn't last and you're left with nothing, or wanting more?

[Her voice gets quiet, almost a whisper.]

Or if it kills you?

Because not loving...well...thats...

[Delmar has a lot of feelings on the subject but strong feelings more often than not don't convert easily into the spoken word.]

...that would be like not living a whole part of your life that is meant to be lived.

[He would know]

It might very well be. But it says something, don't you think? If it's really outdated and misguided, why do we all want it?

Yeah, that's... about it. At least, in my experience.

[ It's probably not the most popular view of love but Rose thinks it's the most real. ]

Some people might think otherwise but I don't know. Love isn't everything. But it sure feels like it once you have it.

[Scoff.] I doubt that man has capacity for love.

[Safronov has a harder time seeing the other half of her creator as a father figure. Besides, she made herself who she is now, not him, or any of the people involved in the making of her constructs.]

Though I am not one to talk. Neither do I. [Pause.] No... I exist because of more perverse version of love.

[The question does throw her off, however. It isn't something she has heard often.] Why ask?

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