voice.

[am_i_a_monster]

I've been wondering about love lately. Not just romantic love, any kind of love. I was told that every love is different and unique. It seems like it doesn't matter - love always messes people up. Like love always end up hurting people in one way or another. People hurt the ones they're supposed to love or hurt themselves or hurt someone else. Or they leave us, even if they don't want to, and that hurts.

[Long pause.]

So why do I...why does anyone want to be loved?

Comments

text; look its an adult

[ghostlocked]

thats not always true.
sounds like uve just had some rough luck.

text

[am_i_a_monster]

Not just me.
Do you anyone who's had good luck?

Audio

[dreamsallotted]

I was always told that love was an outdated concept, something.....

[Seel pauses,trying to find a less offensive word than 'humans']

Something misguided and backwards civilizations clung too. Truth is, I think we all want it. Some just pretend otherwise.

Everyone wants to be accepted or cared for. But most of us are imperfect.

Audio

[am_i_a_monster]

Both could be true. It's an outdated, misguided thing that we all want.

Maybe it's an impossible thing then.

[voice]

[circumitus]

[When "Rey" speaks, she still doesn't sound like herself, but more stilted, robotic, and Russian in accent. In the pastimes spent perusing her device that has been totally foreign and dated to her, she comes across this post. At first she is remiss to respond. After all, she doesn't belong here, and it isn't her place to tell people what to do with their emotions. What happened to Rey -- the actual Rey -- has every little thing to do with love and how much it hurts both her and the ones around her. That's just life as she knows it.]

Am certain my opinion will be unpopular. Truth is that I would not be existing nor where I am now if not for love. For better or for worse. [Definitely for worse right now. Her head is killing her and she can barely stay conscious sometimes, but she's fighting that right now.]

Those who wish to think clinically would say your want to be loved is chemical. Humans are social creatures. Without companionship then they die like lone wolves.

[voice]

[am_i_a_monster]

What do you mean? Like you were made from your parents' love or something?

[Abigail doesn't have much belief in that. Not after what happened with her parents]

I've known a couple people who lived without love for a long time.

[She's speaking of Hannibal and Will and basing it solely on what Hannibal made her believe, that they didn't have love until they found each other -they were unique and no one else could understand or love them]

Are you okay?

voice;

[hasitsthorns]

Have you ever heard the saying that 'love is a drug'? I didn't believe it until it happened to me.

Even if it hurts like hell, the high can be so worth it that you can't stop yourself from loving people again.

voice

[am_i_a_monster]

That makes the most sense of what I've heard. It's addictive, messes up your mind and your life and yet you still want it, even if you know it can kill you.

[voice]

[dragonsgrasp]

I wish I had a good answer to that, because it seems to me that it's as you say... love will only ever lead to pain. Perhaps the person you love doesn't feel the same in return. Perhaps you find love with someone, but eventually one of you dies anyway.

[Well, he didn't mean to come in and be a total downer, but here we are. It's just a topic that he thinks about frequently.]

Some people would say that the pleasant feelings they experience from love outweigh the feelings of pain. I'm not so sure that's true.

[voice]

[am_i_a_monster]

Or you find love with them and makes you crazy.

Maybe there are no pleasant feelings. Maybe love is just to avoid other worse feelings.

[disarmer]

I've never been in love, but...I've seen what it can do when things go right, and it's like watching people become the best versions of themselves. It...seems pretty great, and I dunno, like it would be worth the bad experiences to get to the good ones.

[am_i_a_monster]

I thought that's what I had with Hannibal. We weren't in love, but we loved each other as family. He said he was making me better, more powerful, and now that's he gone - I don't know. I don't feel like I'm a better person. I just miss him.

The bad experiences can be final and then you never get to have anymore experiences. I don't think anyone was killed when this place was making people go crazy with love, but they could have been killed.

(Video)

[stonebird]

(This hits home hard. Her old self would have likely agreed with Abigail. She knows better now; love is worth everything to fight for and to keep.)

There is no better feeling in the world. Even if it causes pain in the long run, the joy it brings outweighs any negativity.

(Video)

[am_i_a_monster]

Even if the joy doesn't last and you're left with nothing, or wanting more?

[Her voice gets quiet, almost a whisper.]

Or if it kills you?

private video

[roseofthetyrells]

I will not lie to you, it hurt when Matt left me. It still does hurt and I still worry that I won't be able to find his world when it's all over.

But loving him and being loved by him was the most wonderful thing ever to happen to me.

private video

[am_i_a_monster]

What do you mean by all over?

I think that must make it even harder now that he's gone.

voice;

[toiletseat_girl]

I used to think that love was for suckers. Now I'm not so sure.

voice;

[am_i_a_monster]

What changed your mind?

voice

[outofthefire]

I don't think they do. They want the illusion of love. That way, they don't feel bad about fucking.

voice

[am_i_a_monster]

But not every love is between people having sex.

[Video]

[imhisaunt]

Because not loving...well...thats...

[Delmar has a lot of feelings on the subject but strong feelings more often than not don't convert easily into the spoken word.]

...that would be like not living a whole part of your life that is meant to be lived.

[He would know]

[Video]

[am_i_a_monster]

[Abigail watches him for a moment.]

Is it meant to be everyone though? For some people, love makes them bad and everyone's better off if they don't love anyone.

(Video)

[handofsilver]

Quite simply...

What value would our lives have without love? (Yes, it hurts. Often. The pain is hard to bear - damn near unbearable some nights - but Celebrimbor does not want to relinquish it.)

(Video)

[am_i_a_monster]

A lot of value. We can accomplish things, do good, or just have a life.

What value do our lives have if love turns us into monsters?

voice;

[restinglichface]

[This feels like coincidence, with how the timing of this broadcast coincides with Lup's own marital troubles going on currently, but she just can't help herself. It would be so easy to ignore, to brush aside and pretend she hadn't heard a damn thing, but the question is just too striking now.

Even with all that's happened, even after all the hurt they'd caused to one another, her words to Gren still ring too true in her head. He's always been worth it.]

It's just worth it, alright. Shit happens and folks will always fuck up but not letting people in is fucking worse than just never trying. What's even the point otherwise.

voice;

[am_i_a_monster]

If people always mess up, always get hurt or cause the hurt, than what makes it worse than not trying?

There has to be other meanings in life besides love.

text;

[nascere]

well i guess it's part of being a person
u love ppl and ppl love u
sometimes hurting happens but overall it's not so bad
u ok?

Re: text;

[am_i_a_monster]

There are people that don't love, because they choose not or because they can't.
They're still people.
The stuff that happened here was bad.
Yeah, I think so. I'm just trying to figure stuff out.

text; private.

[puzzlingly]

「He's not really paying much attention to the networks lately, being on orb delivery and whatnot, but, this seems important. And since the signal is spotty at best, texting is a go.」

whenever you expose your heart to others youre prone to get hurt that is true
but not everyone is going to hurt you and many of them wont do it on purpose i can promise you that

text; private.

[am_i_a_monster]

Is it worth it?
There's no way to tell them apart, the ones that will and won't hurt you on purpose.

voice;

[nonscriptum]

[Wow. People are asking the hard questions on the network, aren't they? Normally this is a subject he'd avoid - maybe not even touch with a ten-foot pole - but Nate has undergone recent improvement in articulating the kind of crap that used to scare the shit out of him.

(To be fair, it still does, but less so than before.)

He's done his fair share of hurting.]

I think...'cause ultimately, it's worth it? I'm not saying it's easy - it's not - but it's always worth it.

voice;

[am_i_a_monster]

Even if someone ends up hurt? Or dead?

[Video] /the latest oops

[lifetothefullest]

[Lance doesn't respond to this right away, both because he wants to follow some of the other public conversations and because he needs some time to put his own thoughts in order. But once he has a better idea of what's going on, and what exactly he wants to say, he does eventually reply.]

There are a lot of people who, whether knowingly or not, confuse other emotions with love. Similarly, there are many emotions that might be brought up by feeling love for someone, but are not truly a part of it.

[He hesitates a moment, then continues.]

Love itself doesn't hurt people, because love is wanting the best for someone else. But love is often blamed for jealousy, possessiveness, and selfishness, when it comes from a person who is more interested in their own desires than the happiness of the person they claim to care about.

voice reply

[am_i_a_monster]

[She's been told so many times that her father did what he did out of love. She remembers him telling her that he was making her pain go away by cutting her throat. And she knows Hannibal framed Will out of love, to create the better future for all three of them. She's seen possessiveness in Hannibal when talking about Will or her. She felt like she was owned by him when she was in hiding.]

Some love hurts people. People can be sick and think that hurting someone is for their best interests. That one guy said someone tied him up out of love, to keep him safe. And another one said he'd let the man he loved kill him out of love. And there are other people who think that hurting someone else will help the one they love.

[She hurt Alana for Hannibal. And Hannibal's hurt so many for her and Will, or at least she believes it was for her and Will.]

There's not one way to love. Every love is different. Unique. And they all end up in pain.

[bythewaves]

A wise man once said that love is one of those things that is not so much necessary for life, but that makes a life worth living. And tis true, love is very different - there is love for family, love for friends, love for even the works of your own hands or the lands that you live in, as well as the romantic sort.

[ He spreads open hands and shrugs slowly ]

I do know that I would be the poorer without it. Love saved me, Abigail, the love of two small boys whose lives I spared. If not for them, I might well be dead now.

[am_i_a_monster]

Just one of the things. So life could be worth living without it.

[She switches to a private message.]

I might be richer. Love killed my parents.

How did you spare their lives? Had you killed others and stopped at them?

voice;

[feelslikeimspilling]

[ Will feels so guilty when he hears her voice over the network. He's been neglecting her, neglecting himself and his responsibilities here in the City. It takes him a moment before he responds. ]

The ancient Greeks called love the madness of the gods. like a sickness or a curse depending on how they acted on it. Though, Dr Bloom would probably define it as it the strong desire for emotional union with another person. Both equally able to create negative or damaging behaviour because of it.

If you ask me, I'd say love is a form of fear... But what would I know about it?

voice;

[am_i_a_monster]

The ancient Greeks may have been smart.

[Her dad was sick and she felt cursed.]

I guess Dr. Bloom's definition makes sense too.

[A pause while she thinks it over.]

My dad was afraid of losing me. I think Hannibal loved us too though and he wasn't afraid of anything.

[Hannibal's almost god-like in her mind after having spend so much time under his influence.]

Are you scared of anything, Will? Of me?