hadriel | 012✖; (audio)

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012✖; (audio)

"Um. Hey."

[Judging right away from the tone and lack of Russian inflection this time, the one known as Safronov has checked out, and Rey is Rey again.]

"So it looks like at some point when being... unwell, the upper floor at the Speakeasy lost its Casino manager, Firo. He helped to organize the whole thing with me when Delight's bar went out of commission, so... Would rather not have to keep handling the place solo. If anyone would like to help there in any way, it'd be appreciated."

[She'll leave the convenient signup at the Speakeasy/Casino available for those who wish to help.]

"And, um. Sorry for those who had to deal with one of my... other selves." [Yeah, she remembers. Some of it, anyway. She has complicated feelings towards Safronov.]

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[She figures it's not as simple as hat. It rarely ever is.]

So you would have been okay with either outcome, whether you won or lost?

[Though it sounds like that's not how it was supposed to go.]

「There is a bit of silence from his part, a pause as he thinks about it, not that he really has to, it's all he can think about on some days.」

It would have been unfair for my partner if I had remained where I didn't belong anymore.

「But that doesn't say if it would've been what he really wanted.」

[That might sound a little familiar. Rey doesn't remember everything that happened with Safronov, but flashes still occur from time to time. While she couldn't have allowed herself to stay, it was within Safronov's power to let them both die. Even if that meant suffering an endless loop, Rey could easily see her last self taking little issue with the experience.

[But Rey is here. With episodes of splitting headaches, sure, but Safronov did what she could to make sure Rey came back. For whatever reason...]

Mm. Guess it would have been.

...

When you say "partner", do you mean the person you were possessing, or... [Sorry, Atem. Rey knows one other person who refers to their "partner" and they're fucking.]

「Of course it would have been, what kind of life would Yugi have had if he was there within his heart and taking over every time, not allowing him to grow.

The person he was possessing...? it definitely doesn't sound good. It's better than explaining it all, right? The last thing he'd want is Rey's pity. She has her own stuff going anyway.」

Yes. He was 「is?」 my best friend, my... 「soulmate, if he got mushy, vessel, if he got technical; he lets the word die out. It might not be hard to hear the struggle in his voice.」

His name is Yugi.

[What Rey feels then isn't anything remotely like pity. At least, it isn't any more than he feels that way about her.]

That... must have been nice, actually. Never really had any sort of relationship with my other selves like that, but what I have isn't so bad. They're still part of me.

Maybe he's still part of you, too. Even if you are apart now.

[It's a nice thought, anyway. Rey still talks to her selves out loud from time to time, when no one is around. It kept her sane when in complete solitude at the sky prison.]

「Safronov had made that distinction clear, but he hadn't thought of it the way she says it, she's right, it is a great way to look at it as opposed to the lonely one he assumed.

But that... That's one of the sweetest and yet saddest things anyone has told him, maybe just because of the fact that he doesn't talk about. But she leaves him speechless for a moment. They had told him, hadn't he? That they would never be apart, that they would always be friends even if thousand years went by.

It's a beautiful feeling, one he wants to believe in.」

Thank you, Rey...

[The way he goes suddenly quiet then, Rey starts to wonder if maybe she had said something wrong. But between his eventual reply and the way he said it...

[Okay, this is fine. She smiles a little, even if he can't see that.]

Hey, thank you. Even if what you go through isn't entirely the same as me, you don't have to pretend that the loss doesn't hurt. Guess I learned that the hard way.

[Her memories are still a little hazy, but she remembers a period of stewing in her own misery in that terrible, lonely dark place. More importantly, she remembers the people who were there for her when she was at the bottom. That means something.]

「You don't have to pretend... Heh, and Rey is the second person to tell him that. That he's allowed to feel. But it's not that easy to let go of that habit, even if he's been trying not to follow that pattern. But she gets it, doesn't she? He's probably far too obvious to hide how much it still hurts even if it's been quite a long time now.」

Sometimes, it seems that's the only way to learn.

[When Rey isn't at her lowest, she can surprisingly be a lot better at this. Who'd have thought that the big scary tank girl would be such a softie?]

It sure as hell took me way too many lives to figure that one out.

[She pauses.]

You know, I... Sometimes it helps, talking about the people who are gone. In a way, it feels like you're keeping them close to you by sharing them with someone else. At least, that's how I think I've started to feel about Undine...

[Never would she have thought that that name would mean what it does to quite a few people here. Namely Nick and Oscar.]

「He knows what she's trying to do, and he appreciates it more than he can express, more over when she mentions that name, but...」

It is not him who left, Rey. 「But that's the way he sees it.」 He will be fine, I know it. Me? I just have to move on.

「That's the hardest part tho. But by the sound of it, it just seems he is not exactly ready. He's not sure how long it took Rey to realize what she's saying and put it in practice, but maybe someday it'll be easier, right?」

Doesn't matter who left who. A loss is a loss no matter what.

[She still can't say that she's gotten over the things she's done, or the people she's lost. Far be it for Rey to claim that she's accepted her mother's death, and the way she did die. That guilt doesn't go away; she doubts that it ever will.]

Sounds like you're implying that you still haven't moved on, but that's not how it works. At least, not in my experience.

「He's not sure he wants to open that can of worms right now (or ever) but can't just say he's not curious about what she has to say. She's clearly been around longer than he has, experienced more, that's it, because there is not so much he could have learned from spending all those years becoming something unrecognizable, so, she must... know something.」

... How does it work, then?

You tend to hear people say how "time heals all wounds", that it gets better, or you'll move on eventually, but... I don't think you ever do. Not really.

Hell, I'm hardly what you could call the poster child for healthy coping mechanisms-- [Atem would know this much from recent experiences, wouldn't he?] --and there are still days where everything feels worse than other days. And you have to take that in stride, or else you just... drown in all the shit and never come back up for air.

[As Rey has so many times before. There have even been times in which she didn't even survive it.

[She sighs.]

Point is, there is no magic moment where you wake up and the pain is gone, so don't expect that it will.

Edited 2018-04-16 03:44 (UTC)

「From the way she describes it, he knows exactly what she's talking about, he's felt that way before, but he always had someone to take him to the surface, pull his hand through darkness and bring him to the light.

He's also not as jaded as she may think, or, maybe she already knows that too. He's pretty sure she's onto him.」

I will keep it in mind.

「He says after a moment. He knows this, it doesn't sound like a huge revelation to him. And while he still appreciates it, he could just tell her the whole story, and that will not make him feel better right now. He knows it.」

[She is very much onto him, but Rey isn't so tactless to try and force it out of him. Not today, anyway. Sometimes a long chat doesn't always make things better, and other times it helps to remind yourself that you're not alone. Either way, she knows better.]

You better, or else. [Is that a friendly threat?] Good talk.

[One can practically hear the thumbs up in her voice.]

「He might have not poured his heart out this time (as... he tends to do) but it does feel a little less heavy knowing that someone understands. Not that he ever felt misunderstood, it was part of life, wasn't it? Dying. It had been his choice, his duty. So, why would he burden anyone with it if was oh, so normal?」

Good talk, indeed.

「It was still a little strange how the tables had turned somehow, it still felt like yesterday when he saw Rey just lying down inert on the floor of her room. He's only now starting to really know her. She's nice...」

... Rey, would you mind if the casino held other kind of games?

「Is that even a good time to ask now?」

[Funny to think about the times when Carlisle had explained how much different Rey was here from the one he knew in that other world. Said that she was "colder" than the other Rey. It's still hard to accept any part of that version of herself in any capacity, but maybe they two versions aren't so unlike one another after all.

[Rey is about to disconnect when Atem speaks up again. She's a little surprised, really, but then scoffs at his random, but also totally relevant, question.]

What sort of games do you have in mind?

I don't know yet, games other people might like, I could ask them. Gambling games are good, but just to add some variety so more people can enjoy something they like in here.

「And then it occurs to him, he can just ask her too.」

What kind of games do you like?

No, that's a good idea. Guess it is more of a game room than a casino...

["Casino" just had a nicer ring to it, and she knew Firo used to be in charge of one, so it just seemed appropriate.

[Hmm, what games does she like, though? Hmmmm...]

Haven't really played that many, to be honest. Most of the ones my brother made me play were video games and cards. Poker, War, shit like that. Not chess, though. Fuck chess. [Rey sort of hates chess, because of reasons.]

「Actually... The Game Room sounds better to him, but, that's not up for him to change.」

What's wrong with chess?

[She just might be more open to it eventually, since she gets enough people confused about how a casino works in a place like Hadriel.

[Rey falls quiet a moment ]

Just don't enjoy playing something that requires you to move specific pieces like they're more disposable than others, is all.

[It's too close to war for Rey's comfort. Also doesn't help that the project that helped to make her ended up designating the classes of other synthetic using the names of chess pieces, further driving the point home that they're just pieces of a war game to a lot of people.]

「That is actually quite telling, it aligns with a lot of things Rey had told her before about her life in the military, and while he can only assume, he understands where she's coming from.」

We can always play checkers.

「There is no way in hell he's gonna be prodding her about it. Not when the memories of many things he saw about her are coming back to the surface.」

[She appreciates the suggestion than anything else. Atem seems to know enough about her now to hopefully grasp her reasonings.

[At that, though, she just stifles a quiet laugh.]

Sure. In checkers, everyone starts as an equal.

[No pawns to cast aside, no special pieces that make or break the game. They're all the same value.]

Until you king them.

「Oops? Well, it's true.」

And you gonna be doing that a lot.

「Okay, now he's being an ass, he's sure that's what Bakura would have said.

He might have a problem...」

[She scoffs.] True, but that's only after they've survived the field just like everyone else.

So that means you've got to earn that crown.

[It might be a problem to her, but it just reminds Rey of her brother. She's starting to think the two would get along, with how competitive they both are. After all, Orion made games his profession.]

Edited 2018-04-18 03:45 (UTC)

012✖; (audio)

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