voice

[am_i_a_monster]

[Abigail died in the deserted plot and has just been revived.]

Hello? Can anyone hear me? Is anyone out there? It's dark out. I can't see anyone. Please tell me I didn't go through all that just to be alone again.

[There's a moment of Abigail crying.]

I was dead. Am I still dead, is that what this is?

[Being alone feels like hell to her.]

Comments

[am_i_a_monster]

I did.  But it's okay now.  I'm back.  [She hesitates.]  Don't be mad.  Please. And tell Curufin not to worry.

[bythewaves]

Ah little bird.

[ He hisses, worriedly ]

I can't help it. The sea is dangerous, but you should have been safe!

[am_i_a_monster]

No one's ever safe here. You can't let yourself think that we are. But dying wasn't bad. It had to happen and I'm better.

[bythewaves]

I know - but it should never have happened to you.

[am_i_a_monster]

It should have.  It fixed the bad stuff that was in me.

[bythewaves]

[ He pauses ]

'Bad stuff'? [ He asks, confused ]

[am_i_a_monster]

Yeah, the bad things I did before I came here - they made me bad.

[bythewaves]

I can hardly think you bad, Abigail. [ He says gently ] As you have been nothing but kind, here. I don't think one or two bad things would be enough to make you bad!

[ SAYS THE HYPOCRITE ]

[am_i_a_monster]

They were very bad, especially the things my father made me do. He never got a second chance, but I can have one now. That has to be a good thing, right?

[bythewaves]

If he made you, tithen pen, then I hardly think it your fault, hm? But I am very glad you have another chance.

[ He also makes a note that if Abigail's father ever shows up he should probably shank him ]

[am_i_a_monster]

It must have been my fault.   There was sin inside me.  Leo showed me.  It made my skin glow red.

[She smiles.]

Thank you.  I'm glad too.

[bythewaves]

[ The way he bares his teeth is not a smile ]

Never. [ He snarls ] Whatever sin stains your light is never your fault if your father - who was supposed to protect you! - was the one who inflicted it on you. [ Not even Feanor ever forced his sons do anything - the Oath they swore they swore as adults. Unknowing, blindly loyal, yes. But they were adults. They could have refused. Only Curufin brought his son along, and he went to great lengths to ensure that Celebrimbor never swore ]

Don't say it was your fault, Abigail. It wasn't.

[am_i_a_monster]

[Abigail flinches.]  Don't be mad.  I'm sorry. 

[She usually blames her father too.  All that time alone caused her to consider all the what-ifs, if she had said no to her father, if she had run away, etc.  She's not sure anymore.]   

Whoever's fault it was, the sin was there.  It was bad, so I was bad.  But it's gone now.  So I'm better.  I think.

[bythewaves]

[ The second she flinches, the fire dies, the flame in his eyes snuffed ]

I'm sorry, tithen pen. I did not mean to frighten you. And your sin does not define you, little spark. You are worth so much more than that.

[am_i_a_monster]

I think I can be more when I have other people around.   I can see the chance for a new life, the one I couldn't have back home.  But when I'm alone - that's when I get stuck on the past.  And it felt like I was alone for a really long time.

[bythewaves]

Ah, tithen pen, I'm sorry. I didn't realise... I'm sorry.

[am_i_a_monster]

It's okay. You couldn't have known. Do you feel alone out there?

[bythewaves]

I am still sorry, all the same.

[ He hums softly ] Yes, and no. It's hard to feel alone on the sea, with the Song of it all around. And I have my brother and my cousin. But at the same time, it's another sort of desert, out on the ocean - wide and vast with nothing on the horizon. So it's a bit lonely, sometimes.

[am_i_a_monster]

Nothing?   That sounds scary.  Stay close to your brother and cousin. Can you see the islands at all?   We're all back now, I think.   We'll stay here.   I don't plan on dying again. 

[bythewaves]

Less scary and more... well, actually I suppose it is a little scary. [ He muses ]

Not any more - we're a fair ways out, now. But don't worry, I will. And please don't! I worry for you, tithen pen.

[am_i_a_monster]

I'll be okay.   Will and the rest are back and they'll take care of me.   They won't let me get so sad again.  I will worry about you too, until you're back on land with the rest of us.

[bythewaves]

I am glad your Will is back! And thank you for worrying - I will do my best to be safe, out here, and I will come and find you when I do, yes?

[am_i_a_monster]

Yes. I'll be here.

[bythewaves]

Stay safe then, Abigail! I will see you soon.