voice

[am_i_a_monster]

[Abigail died in the deserted plot and has just been revived.]

Hello? Can anyone hear me? Is anyone out there? It's dark out. I can't see anyone. Please tell me I didn't go through all that just to be alone again.

[There's a moment of Abigail crying.]

I was dead. Am I still dead, is that what this is?

[Being alone feels like hell to her.]

Comments

[am_i_a_monster]

I couldn't make amends.  I'm here and those other girls are gone.  Dead.  There's no positive things that can happen for them now.  [And Nicholas Boyle's dead too.]  I wish I could give them a second chance here.  I don't get why I did and they didn't.

It felt like the only solution.  I was so alone and sad and guilty. 

I don't know.  I must have done something wrong to bring that out in him.   Or there was something wrong with me that made him want to kill. If I knew what that was, I could have done it differently.  [She thinks she could have killed her father - shot him instead of the deer he forced her to hunt.  That's still killing.  Maybe it's a sin to think that too.  She can't bring herself to admit it out loud, especially not over a public communication.]  I guess I could have run away.  Or told the police.  I never fought.  I gave up my autonomy and integrity, my power, all because I was afraid of him and because I loved him.  Even with everything that happened, he was still my dad.  I felt like I didn't have choices then and after he died.  But maybe I was wrong.

I'll give you a call later, when I'm about to go to sleep.  That's when I'll need it the most.  [She's dreading her first night of dreams after returning from the dead.]

[so_dark_a_road]

Amends aren't always made directly to the dead, but to others who are in need of help and in a way, stand in for those you can't help now. That's the point of helping others who are still living. Part of the point, anyway. The rest is. . . just because there will always be people who need help, and you're there, whatever world you happen to be in. And second chances are not just for the dead, whether or not they can be returned to life. You can't choose who gets that kind of second chance. But you can choose whether you get a second chance or not.

I'm sorry you were alone here. I wish I could have been here to help you.

I'm guessing that what attracts Leo is any feeling of guilt and any involvement in a crime, whether that involvement was voluntary or not. [ If she had shot her father, it's true that it would be killing and would have a price associated with it. Killing always has that. But it's also true that it would have stopped her father from making anyone else a victim, and there would have been some good in that. ] We all do things for love and fear that we would not ordinarily do. And as I was saying, you were a child when all of that began, and you grew up believing you had no choices. I cannot believe you are to blame for that.

Yes, give me a call. I'll be waiting!