hadriel | 001

[ His response is unexpected, and her lips twitch upwards. It's something they sort of have in common, though her distaste with phones come from a general lack of use than an actual dislike.

The question causes some confusion, at first. ] Parrish? [ And then: ] Oh, Adam, right? Yeah, I'm talking with him. I don't know the likelihood of it working, but... [ She shrugs her shoulders. What's the harm in trying? ]

Yeah, him.

[Ronan is quiet, eyeing her with the unsettling stare of his, as if deciding something about her in that moment. He still doesn't know how much he should be saying here, but if she's putting Adam in danger in any way, then Ronan is going to have to step in.]

Could something go wrong with it? The shit you're doing with him. [There's a pause, and his jaw sets, a little unpleasantly.] Are you gonna pull that shit out of your head when he's around?

[ He watches her, and it verges on unsettling. She straightens instinctively, and her eyes narrow. She's never liked being judged, no matter the reason. Then he speaks, and realization dawns on her: he's watching out for his friend.

It leaves a bitter taste in her mouth still, despite that. ]

It mostly just happens when I get emotional, so I can't make any promises that something won't go wrong. [ There's something about admitting that, and coming to terms with her lack of control that's tough on her. ] But I'll do what I can. I don't... [ She strains, and looks away, trying to keep her expression schooled despite the hitch in her tone. ] I don't want to hurt anyone, not if I can help it.

[The fact that she can't promise him Adam's safety makes him bristle, and Ronan watches, keeps his eyes trained on her even as she looks away, clearly uncomfortable. His stare doesn't let up until she finishes and he nods once, just a slight incline of his chin, folding his arms over his stomach.]

Emotional how?

[This is important, though he's not very gentle with the question. Ronan's fingers are tight as he considers her answer, considers just how far he wants this to go. She needs help, clearly. Adam agreed to help her already, and in order to make sure that Adam remains safe, Ronan is going to have to help her too, somehow, in his own way.

He doesn't like it, but that's reality.]

What are you feeling, when it comes out?

[ The way he asks doesn't seem to bother her too much, too blunt oftentimes herself to find it in her to care. Instead, she just answers. ]

Fear, panic. [ She swallows, chest suddenly tight. ] Hate.

[ The last word comes out heavy, and thick, like just thinking about her own hatred ignites something inside of her. She shakes her head. ] You know, the basics of this shithole.

Yeah, yeah.

[They're alone here with nobody around them, but it still feels like there's a pressure weighing on his chest. Did she cause that? Is she close to it now? It's enough to make him reconsider just for a second, but if she's going to be interacting with Adam, then Ronan needs to make sure that she's as in control as possible- even if that means sacrificing his own secrets.

He steps in a little closer, intense and deadly serious.]

I think I can help you, but first, you swear to me you won't tell anyone about this. I'm not fucking around, alright? Nobody finds out.

[ Sharon rolls her eyes. ]

Do you want a fucking pinkie promise? [ Because she's not going to be swearing anything. He can keep his secrets if it bothers him. ]

Oh shit, yeah, will you give me one?

[Ronan leans forward like he's actually going to extend his hand for a pinkie swear, before rolling his eyes and sagging back to a normal standing position.

Fine. No fucking around.]

Alright, look: I pull in bad shit too when I'm fucked up. Not like yours, but there's- [He shrugs, shoving his hands into his pockets.] -monsters. I'm better at controlling what I bring. I can try to explain it, if you want.

I... [ She swallows. This isn't quite what she was expecting from him, and she's taken aback. He clearly has her full attention. ] Tell me about it, then.

[Well, that's one way to get someone to focus on the conversation. He takes a deep breath, and it's clear that he's not really used to telling people this- but he sort of has to trust her, if it means helping her control her abilities, which, in turn, protects Adam when she's around him.

It's a strange, circular thing. Ronan doesn't like it, but here they are.]

I take things out of my dreams. My bird- you've seen her around- I took her when she was a baby. Other stuff too. [Ronan brings his hands together, twisting at the leather straps around his wrists.] Worse stuff.

Anyway, it seems similar enough to your shit, except you can do it when you're awake. That's why I thought I could help you.

[ He takes things from his dreams. It's not exactly like her ability—whatever that ability even fucking is—but there's some clear similarity, no matter how minor. ]

Can you control what you bring in? [ Because that, no matter how similar their abilities are, is what matters the most. If he can't, then she doubts he can help her. ]

Yeah.

[It's a little quieter now, the blunt casualness of his earlier demeanor starting to fade, even as Ronan tries to keep it up. This runs deep with him, and it's not something he's used to sharing.]

Most of the time. I couldn't always, but it's gotten better. [Ronan takes a deep breath, gets right down to the root of it before she has a chance to linger further on this or what it might mean for him. The last thing he wants is for people to know fully about what he can do, and he's given her all the ammunition she needs to be dangerous to them all. Ronan doubts that Sharon would, though. She seems better than that, even if she's kind of an asshole.

At least Ronan can relate to that.]

I don't know if it's quite fear and panic so much as just... when you don't know yourself. That's when the monsters start coming back with you. That's the shit you've got to deal with.

Am I supposed to hit up the next quack that comes in, then? Smoke some peyote, and go on a vision quest? [ it sounds like a mentor speech right out of some shitty teen animated movie, kind of like: 'the power was in you the whole time', or 'accept yourself to deal with your demons'. it's not really something she expected from Ronan.

it's pretty clear she's not sure he's serious or not. ]

Oh my god, you asshole, I'm not running an after school special here.

[And just when they were getting so close. Ronan rolls his eyes and leans back a little dramatically, a little embarrassed now, but absolutely hiding it in his own exasperation.

If nothing else, though, the rush of emotion makes him a little more prone to running his mouth, and he points at her again, close enough to prod a finger against her sternum.]

You. Why are you scared of it? Why did it follow you? What is it about who you are that freaks you the fuck out so bad?

[ Her lips form a thin line, and she bats his hand away, a now familiar glare settling onto her features. She plays at annoyance, exasperation, but the questions stir something.

Her voice is tight and low when she speaks. ]

I've done things you can never imagine, worse than most of the horror shows fucking Fear plays, all right? I don't just bring monsters, I bring a whole new fucking reality into play.

[ The things inside of her taint the world because the world tainted the things inside of her. ]

[Ronan watches her, his jaw set tight while she talks. It's true- he finds a separate reality in his head, but one that he can mold and change, one that isn't as horrifying as what she can bring into this world.

There's a difference between the two of them, but he doesn't thin that it means what he's saying is completely invalid.]

I get that. I'm asking you why.

Because they fucked me up! [ She hisses it through clenched teeth, jaw aching. The abilities Alessa possessed before were... were nothing like this, not until they strapped her down to a metal disc and burned her above a brazier of coal. Before then, it was just making the butterflies dance; it was making flowers move without wind; it was coloring without holding the crayons.

All there is now is darkness.

A range of fire and words bubble in her throat, threatening to spill out of her like venom. She swallows. ]

They burned me alive, and twisted everything inside of me so I could give birth to their god. Okay? They did something to me that I can't undo.

[Ronan can taste the heaviness in the air on the back of his tongue, but he keeps his cool, finally backing off from her with a slight nod. He hadn't known- but that's the point, isn't it? Getting through this, dealing with whatever it is that this could be.

He watches Sharon for a moment, decision forming slowly in the back of his mind, before Ronan just sighs through his nose in defeat and shrugs his shoulders up tight.]

Well, [he starts, less sharp than he had been,] getting drunk helps too.

No, getting drunk just gets you drunk. [ but it's not something she's ever been opposed to doing. She started drinking at 16 as she tried to deal with constant nightmares, nightmares of some dark place, but mostly of the man that broke into their home with a knife and tried to kill her father.

She stopped drinking at 16, when her dad found her walking home drunk in the middle of the night. He'd been in a panic because she hadn't come home immediately after school. He dumped all the alcohol in the tiny, one bedroom apartment down the sink when they got home.

She started drinking again when she got here, when it became clear she had no way home. ]

And I do enough of that here.

[He's not sure why that's considered to be a bad thing, but Sharon is probably right in the fact that it doesn't help. It helps him sometimes, to shape his dreams, but their abilities- while similar- aren't the same. It would be stupid to try to drag out the comparison any longer than he already has.

So he sighs, kicking at the dirt near his feet and shrugs up his shoulders in an entirely unhelpful motion.]

Fine. Do whatever the fuck you want.

[There's a pause as he looks back up toward her, bringing back the whole reason why he's here and trying to help in the first place. His demeanor is still casual, but his eyes are dark, his tone deadly serious.]

But if you pull Parrish into that shitshow then I won't stop at a cute fistfight with you. Got it?

[ It dawns on her then how close the two of them must be. They seem very much the opposite of each other; Ronan all sharp, tangled edges, and Adam more like vines wrapped around a tree. Friendship, she supposes, comes in the unlikeliest of places.

Even love.

She raises up, back straightening. ]

I don't have any intention of letting that happen, all right? I do try not to hurt the people that help me.

[ the future says differently sharon /sobs sadly in the distance ]

Don't care. I warned you.

[It's urgent and necessary, every part of it. Ronan keeps himself sharp and hard, his only vulnerability lying hidden in the threat he'd just given. That's all he needs, and hopefully Sharon can understand enough to know just how serious he is.

In the end though, Ronan shakes his head and glances off, his lips pursed.]

I think we're done here.

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