♫ video

[ghostlocked]

[Behold, a unicorn: Harlan making a public post that isn't text. What he's got in mind is more of a show don't tell thing, so it's necessary, although it's pretty clear he's not comfortable with this video thing. He's sitting on his couch with his phone propped up on the coffee table, and he's got a glass of water in his hands.]

Hey, good news, I have a spell that'll help everyone out while we're stuck here without gods. It's one of the first spells they teach you when you're a kid where I'm from. I'm thinking most of you should be able to pick it up pretty quick. It's called Prestidigitation.

[A beginner spell with like the most tongue-twistery name in the entire spell dictionary. He holds up the glass.]

It's your basic catch-all spell and you can do a ton of shit with it, but mainly, you're gonna be able to change the temperature of shit. Small shit, though. Your workable area is about a square foot, give or take, and it doesn't work on anything alive. Look.

[The water in the glass starts to boil. It doesn't look like he's done much to it—this spell is second nature to him anymore, so he doesn't need to put much effort into casting it. He sets the glass down on the table.]

Right, so... Go get your own thing of water, I guess? I don't fucking know. This is so much easier in person. Okay, uh, so magic is just another type of energy, like heat or electricity. The difference is that magic is malleable. You can control it. With a spell like this, it's all about visualization. You want hot water, so you're sort of willing the water to heat up by channeling the magic into it. It's not gonna work on the first try, but keep at it. It takes focus and confidence. If you're having trouble, scale it back, or try freezing the water instead of heating it.

[He belatedly realizes he's supposed to be demoing this, so he gestures to the glass and, ta da, there's a soft tinkling sound as the steam dissipates and the water freezes.]

Prestidigitation can clean stuff in a similar way too. If you're going insane because our showers are out of commission, this spell is gonna change your fucking life. Let's see, uh, you'll be able to start a fire, flavor your coffee, conjure hand-sized illusions... It all works on the same principle, though. Picture what you want to do and will the magic into doing it for you.

[He snaps his fingers and now there's a flame in his palm and he feels infinitely goofy for putting on a magic show on his couch. Hopefully it's helpful stuff, though.]

If you have questions, let me know. If you want to learn other shit, I'll link my spell list and we'll talk. Cool. Later.

[And he's shutting off the feed. Thank you for coming to his TED Talk. As promised, he does attach his spell list for anyone interested in further magical pursuits.]

Comments

[hellosirs]

I think that may be my friends, sir. The twins? Lup and Taako? I've never heard of New York or Earth, but maybe we're from a very similar planar system or something! I'm actually a detective, but I do know some wizardly magics.

[ He holds the phone out at arm's length and lets some colourful sparks shoot from his fingers, just to demonstrate prestidigitation. ]

[ghostlocked]

[Oh boy, this kid is precious.]

Oh, yeah, I've heard of them. I've heard of other people around town who know the same kind of magic even though we're not from the same world. It's wild.

[Caedra, he means Caedra.]

Hey, nice work. What other spells do you know?

[hellosirs]

[ DnD-based canon fistbump! ]

Thank you! I know a few cantrips, like Prestidigitation and Mage Hand, um...

[ He starts ticking the rest of the spells off on his fingers at this point. ]

Disguise Self, Detect Magic, Featherfall, Magic Missile, Zone of Truth, Levitate, Silence, Lightning Bolt, and Fireball. The last two are pretty intense though, I can usually only do them once or twice.

[ghostlocked]

Wow, yeah, that's more than a couple of cantrips. You sound like a wizard, dude. You have to be pretty experienced to cast stuff like Lightning Bolt and Fireball.

[hellosirs]

[ And he just goes BRIGHT RED. ]

Oh! Um... th-thank you very much, sir! That's very flattering! I haven't been in many wizardly fights or duels yet, but I work pretty hard at it!

[ghostlocked]

Just calling 'em as I see 'em. You're clearly putting the work in.

[Secretly he's real glad Angus has not been in many fights though, jeez??? A kid his age shouldn't have to worry about using combat magic... Though it is fun to know.]

Hey, do you want to trade spells sometime? I'd like to learn Zone of Truth. I could teach you some shit in return.

[hellosirs]

I'm already getting magic lessons from Taako, but I'd be happy to trade! Mending seems like it'd be really useful.

[ghostlocked]

It is. It's the only reason I still have a working phone.

[He cracks his screen like daily.]

I haven't had a chance to compare spells with anyone who's had the same magic but is from a different world. It'll be cool to see if it's actually the same magic.

[hellosirs]

[ Oh boy, Harlan, you have engaged his inner nerd! ]

Oh! Oh, we should try out Prestidigitation, first! We can take notes on how they differ!

[ghostlocked]

[He laughs.]

Yeah, sure. I think you're the only kid I've ever met that's been excited about taking notes. Are you sure you're not a wizard?

[Smells like a wizard to him!!]

[hellosirs]

[ He is, above all else, a huge nerd! ]

I'm a detective, first and foremost! Good investigations require lots of observational note-taking. The wizardly stuff is a lot of fun too, though!

[ghostlocked]

Hey, you're not wrong there. I used to be a private investigator.

[They have a thousand things in common, apparently.]

What sort of investigating do you do?

[hellosirs]

Homicides, mostly!

[ This is said far, far too cheerfully. ]

Well, those and missing persons cases. I used to get hired by the militia whenever they were stumped by a murder, or couldn't find somebody they were looking for. I'm actually - and I swear I'm not bragging about this, because that would be very rude - but I'm actually the best detective in the world, where I'm from! You can ask Taako or Lup if you don't believe me.

[ghostlocked]

[oH. Holy shit, kid.]

Wow. You've got to have some serious skills if they were bringing you in on cases that serious. What makes you the best, though?

[He believes you, Angus, but he's gotta know.]

[hellosirs]

Thank you, sir! You'd have to ask my old employers, I didn't give myself the title, but I am very good at my job. Most people don't pay attention to kids.

[ He may be trying not to brag, but he does look pretty pleased with himself! ]

[ghostlocked]

True enough. Investigating is easier when you blend in.

[He's always appreciated that he doesn't really stand out of a crowd for that reason. His voice is trickier in that way, though. He makes it work.]

Surely you've gotta have some idea of why they'd say that about you. Who were your employers?

[hellosirs]

... Well, I do have some idea, but my Grandpa always told me that it's rude to talk yourself up too much. I was usually employed by various militias! You know, guardsmen? They stop bank robbers and serial killers and all the bad guys in between?

[ Fantasy cops, he means fantasy cops! ]

I also took individual clients, mostly for missing persons cases.