❅ Seventeen (Text)

[stonebird]

Have you ever been in love?

(This is asked late one night and it might seem frivolous with the current concerns hovering over the populace of Hadriel. Yet Sansa believes love is important no matter how long someone lives - or where they are imprisoned. Besides, she had a taste of love recently and it's a frightening - and exhilarating - change of scenery for her.)

Can it last?

Comments

[stonebird]

I'm not willing to let go of any good I come across.

(Even if it is complicated and shakes up her view of herself and the world.)

Were you affected? I'm sorry if you were.

[circumitus]

guess thats fair.

[Far be Rey one to tell someone what they should or shouldn't feel, especially when it's not the bad stuff.]

yeah, was affected.
dont liked having my head toyed with.
never like that.

[stonebird]

Good things are so rare. Letting any of them go seems a waste.

(Not that she knows what to do with this "good thing". But details.)

I don't either. It's frightening how deeply they can change us. You start to question your existence.

[circumitus]

seems that way sometimes.

[It would just be better knowing that they're always her own, and not someone else's. As someone who's lives different lives with the memories of different people, finding her own place has never been easy for Rey.]

just

been messed up way before.
swore never to let it happen again.
been harder to keep that promise in a place thats constantly trying to turn your feelings against yourself.

cw Game of Thrones

[stonebird]

I think I know some of what you feel.

(She has been tortured, mentally and physically, raped and embarrassed to a point where she considered taking her own life. Messed up sums it up.)

You're not alone, Lady Rey. Please remember that.

[circumitus]

havent forgotten.

[In a way, it's impossible to feel alone when you've shared mind and bodies with others, even if you don't all mingle in a way that feels any less lonely than an island. Rey's had her fair share of the good and bad, both from those other experiences as well as her own.

[After a moment, she sighs to herself, and stays on topic.]

anyway
to answer your original question, yeah.
have been in love before.
or maybe just something like love.
didnt have any right to love her, tho. dont know why it ended up that way but it just
did.
feelings were already bullshit even before the gods came along. [Uuuughghghhh.]

[stonebird]

(She had meant that as a comfort, but she can see how it is rather sad too.)

You didn't have the right to love someone? I feel like you aren't giving yourself proper credit.

(Every man she has been with - save for perhaps Tyrion - didn't deserve to be loved by anyone except, maybe, women has cruel and callous as them.)

I thought I loved a boy king once, but he proved to be nothing but a monster.

[circumitus]

[It's a natural talent. Leave it to Rey to take words of comfort and make it somehow tragic.]

wasnt about getting credit it's

we had history.
on opposing fields in wartime.
neither of us knew at first and by then she had already showed a kindness.
didn't deserve that kindness but she gave it anyway.

she

didn't take the news of who we used to be to each other very well.
and she had ever right to it.
someone she cared about had died.

[Maybe the version of Rey at that time hadn't dealt the killing blow, but it was her bullet that signed that soldier's death warrant, after days of her mission being impeded on by the two Canadian sniper women that got in her way. Even if Faye offered understanding in the end, was that ever going to be enough to mend whatever could be between them?]

boy king huh?
terrible.
the worst kinds of monsters are always the ones with the power to get away with it.

[stonebird]

Did you kill them on purpose? I'm not sure why it would matter overmuch. War is about fighting, spilling blood and killing. We do what we must to survive. If you found love in each other after all of that, shouldn't it be a celebration?

(Sorry, Sansa has lost so many that it seems...normal-ish?)

His father died from a hunting wound caused by a wild boar and his mother did nothing to teach him manners. I would have felt bad for him if he hadn't killed my father, my mother, my brother...

[circumitus]

well it wasnt personal, can tell you that much. its just
complicated.

[As it rarely ever is in that situation.]

definitely the worst kind, then.
doubt thats the kind of "lasting love" that you had in mind when you posted this.

[stonebird]

Of course it wasn't. I doubt you knew who you struck.

That wasn't love at all. (She had been gravely mistaken on that point. Joffrey's beautiful face had confused her.)

[circumitus]

it IS pretty hard to tell when someones wearing full field armor.

[Especially heatsuits meant for subzero climes and rough terrains; you're all covered up.]

good. shouldnt waste it on shitbirds like that.

[stonebird]

I think you should be kinder to yourself.

(A soldier must survive and do their duty.)

I watched him die a horrible death. I can't recall feeling anything.

[circumitus]

... [Man, how does she even respond to that? It's not like Sansa is the only one who seems to think this.]

not really about kindness, in this case.

[It's somewhat true.]

thats understandable. there are just some people who are only improved with a gruesome demise.

[stonebird]

(Counseling could have helped them - not that such a thing exists in Westeros.)

I know. She must have been in great pain.

I don't know how many he killed and most of it was for fun. I believe he was mad.

[circumitus]

it was her wife - of course she was in pain.

[Forgetting for only a moment that "her" and "wife" are two odd words to see together for some people Rey has met here. Welp.]

plenty of people can be "mad" without murder. sounds like he was just a piece of shit.

[stonebird]

(She is a bit taken aback, but it does make sense of a sort?)

Were you able to remain friends?

That sort of madness is always violent. One of the previous kings - no relation to him - liked torturing others too.

[circumitus]

before being brought back here, the last thing she did was put a knife in my back.
so make of that what you will.

[Again, complicated. But Rey still has the scars to show for that incident, and it's hard to forget the way that Faye had looked at her then. A terrible expression on such a pretty face...]

guess he hid it pretty well at first if you saw anything in a douche like that.

[stonebird]

She was absolutely in the wrong! I can understand her anger and pain, but she knew it was you. You weren't some faceless soldier in a battle!

(Sorry, Sansa is angry.)

He was much better when his father was alive. When my father was alive.

[circumitus]

there were extenuating circumstances for why she acted the way she did, but it didnt really have any thing to do with any of that.
that ones a long story.

[Too long for her to feel like typing up or talking over on a phone. Rey's bad enough about using these things a whole lot.]

glad to hear hes gone at least. any worlds better off with one less prick. sucks you had to go through all of that.

[stonebird]

Has your wound healed, Lady Rey? I can help you tend to it if not.

(The inner wounds will take much longer to close, she knows.)

Westeros always has more. I am determined to be rid of them as soon as our paths cross.

[circumitus]

[Wait, what? It takes Rey a moment to process what Sansa is offering.

[...Oh.]

dont worry about it. came back that way a couple years ago. [Pause.] fuck. cant believe it's been that long. its all just scars now.

[You know you've been somewhere for far too long when...]

thats the spirit.
probably.

[stonebird]

Scars are badges of honor. (She likes to think of them that way.) That's what I tell myself anyway.

I am the Lady of Winterfell; it's my duty to keep my people safe.

[circumitus]

got plenty of those if my face is any indicator. wouldnt call them "badges of honor" tho.

[Given that the ones on her face weren't the result of any ridiculous accident or glorious combat. They're more reminders of her weakness, of who she never wants to be again. Never a pawn to be controlled, a gun pulled by another's hand. Her choices have to be her own. Always.]

what about you? who keeps YOU safe?

[stonebird]

You can call them whatever you like. Who is to argue with you?

(She should take her own advice, really, and stop hiding her legs, but that will take more time.)

My men. They serve me because they know I will look out for their best interests.