003✖; (voice)

[circumitus]

[Judging by the sound of her voice and the clunking of glass in the background, Rey has been drinking. Alone, no less. When that happens, she has a habit to get melancholy, and even more so now. Thanks, Sorrow.]

"So, let's get this straight.

"The goal in all of this, assuming that we have one to start with, is to bring all of these dead gods back to life so that they can work their asses to finally use that Door that brought us all here in the first place... to take us back to our own worlds. That is the mission, right?"

[Pause. Another clink of glass as she takes a shot. By then it's obvious that there's something off about the way she speaks. Devoid of the monotone and the robot exterior that she so often maintains in the presence of others. Now it's just too much work.]

"Not that it's supposed to be a bad thing. Am sure that some of you come from lovely worlds with minimal problems and actual lives to return to and whole prospects ahead of you. But where does that leave some of us?

"You know, the ones that don't have lives. People who are dead, or have nothing to go back to but a piece of metal rammed through your chest but you're not dead even though you'd probably be better off that way anyway because of your track record for only making things worse no matter how much good you try to do and..."

[...And Rey is digressing. That is also not something she wanted to actually say.

[In fact, none of these things she actually wanted to say.

[Realizing this, she cuts the feed with a muttered "fuck, never mind" at the end.]

Comments

[foundafamily]

But that's what you're sayin'.

[Not really, but Firo aims to make her examine her thoughts or at least explain herself better. A wild logical leap is a way to do that.]

You said they've all got other stuff to deal with, so they'd be fine if you just stayed here, right?

[circumitus]

No it isn't.

[It's a bit too much of a leap for Rey to follow where Firo is going with that line of thinking.]

Am not in any sort of state to be of any use to anyone back there.

[foundafamily]

Yeah, it is.

[He can do this all day, Rey.]

And you think that means they’d be fine with you stayin’ here and never goin’ back? You’re talkin’ about probably never seein’ these people again.

[circumitus]

It isn't.

[Sorry, bro, she mad now.]

Goddammit, are you being purposefully obtuse or what? Am never going to see them again anyway! Will be lucky to ever see the light of day. [She seethes.] You don't know these people -- they're fucked. Am probably going to be taken apart so they can see how this body ticks, or reprogrammed, or something, and knowing the bitch doing it, she won't make it quick or nice or easy. How the fuck am I ever going to see them again when there's nothing left for them to see?!

[foundafamily]

[Warranted or not, Firo raises his voice right back in response to her anger. He’s not enabling this, no way.]

So you’re just givin’ up? You’re not even gonna try to fight? Even if you don’t do it for those people, at least do it for yourself.

[circumitus]

You make it sound like it's that simple. Like I haven't already tried. Don't patronize me.

[foundafamily]

I'm not. I'm tryin' to tell you to be less of a sad sack.

[circumitus]

Apologies if not being overly excited at the prospect of returning home to being dismembered or worse makes you depressed.

[That's not entirely what Firo is saying, either; but Rey can have problems with jumping to extremes, too.]

[foundafamily]

Did I say I cared how you felt about it?

[He's not going to insult her for being upset. It's probably natural.]

It doesn't matter if you're sad or scared, it matters what you do in the end.

[circumitus]

If you don't care, why do you even bother asking these things?

[It isn't often that Rey allows herself to get openly upset in general. She hates it, but not much she can do about it now.

[She huffs.] Great advice...

[foundafamily]

I said I didn't care about your feelings, not that I didn't care about the whole thing.

[He's going to pretend that her compliment isn't sarcasm.]

Thanks. It's your choice if you take it or not, just don't try makin' up excuses for not goin' back to fix any unfinished business you've got.

[circumitus]

Right.

[She can't help but sound skeptical, though what part she does or doesn't believe, she's not even sure. It's just "easier" to stay annoyed.]

Yes, well. Fuck "unfinished business" and fuck going back to that. And if you think not wanting to return to being taken apart is an excuse, fuck you, too.

[foundafamily]

Hey, if you didn't want input, then you shouldn't've done your complaining on the phone. What exactly did you think was gonna happen?

[circumitus]

Thinking about those of us who don't have an option of returning home isn't complaining. If that's what you think, then you can just keep your damned useless input.

[foundafamily]

You said it yourself that you're not dead. Listen, if you were one of those people who's already dead, I wouldn't be botherin'. But compared to those people, you've got an option.

[It still sucks, but it's an option.]

[circumitus]

Believe it or not, dying isn't the worst possible thing that could happen to someone. So no, it isn't an option. Or, at least, it's a real shitty one that you're suggesting.

[foundafamily]

[The eyerolling he’s doing now is probably audible in his voice.]

That’s what I’ve been sayin’—a shitty option’s still an option. So quit actin’ like you’re helpless.

You know, even if you’re sufferin’, it could end eventually. You could still find a way to get out of it.

[That’s what kept him going even when he had nothing to live for and every single day kind of sucked.]

[circumitus]

An option that could still land me dead or in a far worse state either way. Yes, that's a great reason to go back.

You still don't get it. It isn't about the pain or fear of dying or anything like that. Even if it'll be possible to see those people from my world again, it may not even be me anymore. At least here, I'm still myself.

[And the ones she's come to hear about back home are all the more safer for it.]

[foundafamily]

You really think they could beat you?

[Here he's almost curious. Firo's rarely gone into anything even considering that option. What was the point?]

[circumitus]

They've killed me before.

[Back then it had been quick, clean. This time, she doesn't foresee it being so easy.]

[foundafamily]

But you came back. Who knows, this time could be different. It's like roulette--a different number comes up every time.

[Most times. He can't promise good odds, but, ever the casino manager, he's going to neglect to talk about the odds for now.]

[circumitus]

Yes, this time it could be different. Rather than just killing me, they want to dismember me or whatever. Great plan.

[May the odds ever not be in your favor.]

[foundafamily]

Look, smartass, I'm just pointin' stuff out so that you don't waste your time thinkin' about how everything could go wrong.

[circumitus]

Pretty sure that everything that could go wrong already has gone wrong.

[foundafamily]

Great, then there's nothin' you can fuck up more if you do go back.