[Mello inhales sharply, and there's no amount of willpower he's able to summon up that can override the slight tremble in his voice when he continues speaking.]
Tell me what it's like to not be you, Near.
[By which he means that Near doesn't know what it's like to be anyone else - specifically, Mello. He might be able to imagine the experience from an intellectual perspective, but he can't understand, in the core of his being, what it's like to work so hard and still always come up short, to always remain in Near's shadow. He can't know, because he hasn't lived that experience every day of his life for years and years.]
[He catches the tremble in the voice, because of course he does. Is this really that serious?]
I doubt we have time for me to describe all of the people I've been.
[But even recognizing that, empathy is -- while not completely impossible -- very, very difficult for Near. He understands things on intellectual levels, not emotional ones, because he'd chosen to discard the latter so long ago. (Coming back from an Infiltration that had been highly empathetic had hurt, and Near dislikes remembering it.)
[And so it all stays on an intellectual level, because that's what he's comfortable with, that's what he understands. After a moment:] It's the implied subservience of the particular act that bothers you, isn't it?
[And now he actually isn't deliberately trying to be an asshole. But these instances don't always work as he intends.]
[Well, shit. Near's got him there; Mello forgot about all the Infiltrating stuff he mentioned before. Another miscalculation. Another failure. His jaw clicks shut, molars grinding against each other in silent fury until the next question comes, and Mello breaks into an abrupt bark of laughter, bitter and sharp.]
Hardly. You've never heard of topping from the bottom? No, don't answer that, I know you haven't.
[Near would have to have the tiniest speck of interest in sex and sexual politics, and that's clearly not the case. There's more to that statement that he doesn't say, clues in the spaces between the words that Near will likely be able to read: that Mello has done this exact thing before; that it's not even an uncommon occurrence to be worth noting. Quite suddenly, this is all too much, exposes too many vulnerabilities that Mello never wanted to admit to having in the first place. He sucks in a quick, agitated breath through his teeth.]
I'm done talking about this with you. In fact, I'm done talking to you, period.
[If he cared at all about this sort of thing, Near might have been at least slightly embarrassed at his own ignorance. Although if he cared about it at all, he would have learned about it and not been so ignorant in the first place. The whole topic holds no interest to him, so why would he bother to know a thing?
[It implies a kneeling position, which implies subservience, and Mello hates the idea of being subservient, especially to him. That's the logic Near has been following. He's incorrect, apparently, but whatever.
[He catches all the little hints in that, really. All the implications. And oddly enough? He doesn't think less of Mello for them. Near doesn't know everything that Mello had done during the years they'd been separated, but Mello had come onto the scene in top form when the investigation truly began in earnest. He'd done whatever unconventional things he'd deemed necessary to put himself into a powerful position in order to reach his goals. There are probably a lot of things that Near would find personally distasteful involved, but he can't argue with the results.
[Near doesn't even blink at the harsh statement, or the abrupt hang-up. Mello is clearly just upset and blowing off steam. He doesn't mean that. He'll sulk for perhaps a few days, and then things will return to the way they were.
[So it's fine. Not the most ideal, but fine. It's not like this changes anything, right?]
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[Mello inhales sharply, and there's no amount of willpower he's able to summon up that can override the slight tremble in his voice when he continues speaking.]
Tell me what it's like to not be you, Near.
[By which he means that Near doesn't know what it's like to be anyone else - specifically, Mello. He might be able to imagine the experience from an intellectual perspective, but he can't understand, in the core of his being, what it's like to work so hard and still always come up short, to always remain in Near's shadow. He can't know, because he hasn't lived that experience every day of his life for years and years.]
Go on. I'll wait.
no subject
I doubt we have time for me to describe all of the people I've been.
[But even recognizing that, empathy is -- while not completely impossible -- very, very difficult for Near. He understands things on intellectual levels, not emotional ones, because he'd chosen to discard the latter so long ago. (Coming back from an Infiltration that had been highly empathetic had hurt, and Near dislikes remembering it.)
[And so it all stays on an intellectual level, because that's what he's comfortable with, that's what he understands. After a moment:] It's the implied subservience of the particular act that bothers you, isn't it?
[And now he actually isn't deliberately trying to be an asshole. But these instances don't always work as he intends.]
no subject
Hardly. You've never heard of topping from the bottom? No, don't answer that, I know you haven't.
[Near would have to have the tiniest speck of interest in sex and sexual politics, and that's clearly not the case. There's more to that statement that he doesn't say, clues in the spaces between the words that Near will likely be able to read: that Mello has done this exact thing before; that it's not even an uncommon occurrence to be worth noting. Quite suddenly, this is all too much, exposes too many vulnerabilities that Mello never wanted to admit to having in the first place. He sucks in a quick, agitated breath through his teeth.]
I'm done talking about this with you. In fact, I'm done talking to you, period.
[And he hangs up.]
no subject
[It implies a kneeling position, which implies subservience, and Mello hates the idea of being subservient, especially to him. That's the logic Near has been following. He's incorrect, apparently, but whatever.
[He catches all the little hints in that, really. All the implications. And oddly enough? He doesn't think less of Mello for them. Near doesn't know everything that Mello had done during the years they'd been separated, but Mello had come onto the scene in top form when the investigation truly began in earnest. He'd done whatever unconventional things he'd deemed necessary to put himself into a powerful position in order to reach his goals. There are probably a lot of things that Near would find personally distasteful involved, but he can't argue with the results.
[Near doesn't even blink at the harsh statement, or the abrupt hang-up. Mello is clearly just upset and blowing off steam. He doesn't mean that. He'll sulk for perhaps a few days, and then things will return to the way they were.
[So it's fine. Not the most ideal, but fine. It's not like this changes anything, right?]