Castiel; The Fallen (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
strangelic) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
hadriel2016-08-05 05:07 pm
strangelic) wrote in hadriel2016-08-05 05:07 pm
video;
I want to--Um...
I feel like life would be improved here if we all played more games, and... [ Kate, why are you making him do this? ] I-I wanted to ask if anyone else had any games that they could teach us. Party games, this time, not card games. Like Twister.
[ He glances off screen cautiously, then looks back, trying to seem more courageous on the subject than he is. ]
Kate thinks that life here would be much improved if we all played more together, and I have to agree with her. Play is important...for the well being of people, especially those who don't have anything else to occupy their time.
So...that is to say, if we could organize a...party, I suppose, everyone would be invited. We could hold it at the bar.
[ Yep, that's it. ]
I feel like life would be improved here if we all played more games, and... [ Kate, why are you making him do this? ] I-I wanted to ask if anyone else had any games that they could teach us. Party games, this time, not card games. Like Twister.
[ He glances off screen cautiously, then looks back, trying to seem more courageous on the subject than he is. ]
Kate thinks that life here would be much improved if we all played more together, and I have to agree with her. Play is important...for the well being of people, especially those who don't have anything else to occupy their time.
So...that is to say, if we could organize a...party, I suppose, everyone would be invited. We could hold it at the bar.
[ Yep, that's it. ]
action;
[ He said the word before he really sank into thought about what it would mean, because establishing that fact, making it the ground rules that they were inseparable, and even if they weren't that it isn't what Castiel wants from Dean - to be apart from him - nor what Dean wants from him--that's going to make anything that they build on it easier.
Hard, always hard, but easier. He holds Dean's gaze when he's finally looked back at, and his eyes are hard instead of longing, instead of mellow and guiltridden; they don't show the fear he feels, or the uncertainty, because Dean doesn't need to see it right now. He needs to see the fighter, the angel who had stood in that cave and faced down a Wraith, the one who had stood up to archangels knowing he would be ripped apart. This is a fight, and Castiel is prepared to put his all into it to make it right, to make it work.
He squares his shoulders slightly more, digs his heels into the tile beneath him. ]
You and I are friends, aren't we? If we are nothing else, then we will always be that to each other. Always. No failure on our part will ever change that. The...the things I did, you've forgiven me for them, and they were worse than I can ever imagine. The betrayal I wrought on you, what I did to Sam, and my brothers and sisters, and on Heaven; the way I sullied myself. I thought that there could never be a way back from that, but you forgave me. You released me.
If you can still look at me after that, look me right in the eye, still call me brother, then I know that this... No matter what it is or may be, or perhaps isn't--it will not break us. You and I-- [ He reached out, and squeezed Dean's shoulders in his hands. ] --we can't be torn apart.
[ He dropped his hands again, not daring to hold on to Dean for too long. ]
We're brothers, Dean. We're friends. We can...we can appear in public together. We can exist in the same space without it having to be uncomfortable. It can be the same, if you just let it. If you just put the last few days in the past, the way that you--that you put the Leviathan in the past.
Please don't be angry with me for trying. Don't be angry with yourself; no single part of this is your fault.
action;
It made it easier to breathe. It took the soft edges out of the moment and made them rough and tumble the way Dean knew, except--
Except the words were not easy.
The words were laced with too much to bear and Dean looked away, stared at anything else because he was terrified. Every moment was a terror and this was of the worst kind, the kind where he hated himself for feeling a single thing, for not knowing or understanding or being able to comprehend where he stood against Cas any longer. He wanted to go for a walk, wanted to return to hunting through the books, wanted to shield himself behind a wall of I don't care, but it was too late for that because Cas kept pounding him down with words until he was nothing but a pile of rubble.
All he wanted to do was put up a hand and say enough. Please. Please, just let him walk away. Let him breathe, give him a second to catch up, let him chase his own feelings down instead of hounding them away and maybe he could get there. But like this it was too overwhelming, too terrifying, the world crumbling down in a way he only knew how to face it when the apocalypse was streaming across the sky and his worries were not faced upon himself. ]
I'm not mad at you. For anything. For any of this, for- [ He took a stuttered breath, words curling behind his tongue. Because he didn't know what to do and he just couldn't say it, couldn't say that he was furious with himself for everything and he hadn't been able to change that for years. ]
I am trying, Cas.
[ But he just didn't know how much harder he could before he might burst. Especially when his next words weren't so much lies as they were desperate attempts to convince himself that he truly had. ] I've stowed it, okay? It's gone- in the past. Don't worry about it, right?
action;
They'd opened a door, and everything was pushing against the other side of it. All they were doing, now, was shoving a heavy dresser up against it and hoping that the truth wouldn't get through. Castiel knew that, and if what Lucifer had told him was true... No, it couldn't be. He shook his head ever so slightly, denying it even now. Dean was in too much agony for it to be true.
He stepped back, and gestured for Dean to come with him. ]
Let's put everything back where it was. Come on.
action;
But at least he backed off for now.
At least there was that.
Dean remained stoically broken, his expression falling nervously flat, edgy and still torrentously upset. He wanted to storm out, wanted to give himself room, but instead he made his way closer, picking up a book along the way and tossing it in his palm. If he wasn't going to storm out then this would have to do for now, and he flipped open the pages, ruffling through even more alien language. ]
Sure.