009 [text]

[thechoiceisyours]

[Part of Chris thinks he should've made this post awhile ago, and part of him still doesn't want to. But it's a compromise to do it now, and it's probably the best time for it anyway; the last event is over, and new people haven't arrived yet. It's the calm before the whatever, storm or otherwise.

But he's going with text because even though it's been a little while, he doesn't want to try to say the first part of this post in anything other than text.]

Hey everyone. So I guess I'll start off with the bad news: anyone who were friends with Ashley or Josh should know they aren't here anymore. Also, I'm going to add that if Josh owed you money or favors or whatever else, you're totally out of luck because I'm not honoring them no matter what he might've told you.

[Jokes make this not heartbreaking, right? Definitely.]

Though I guess this is also a good time to mention that if you're working on anything important or even just keeping general notes or something, you might want to consider sending them to a friend every so often. If whatever it is is just on your phone when you disappear, it's pretty much as gone as you are.

So yeah. Back up your data and all that. Even if you don't want to send an electronic copy to someone, at least keep paper notes or something.

[Semi-relatedly...]

If anyone needs help with how to send files or whatever, just let me know. And I'm finishing a program for something else right now, but then I guess I'm taking requests? If there's something you'd like a program on your phone for, I can see if I can figure out how to do it. It's not like I have a whole lot else better to be doing, so feel free and ask even though I can't totally promise I'll be able to do it.

[But still, please ask. Please give him something to do other than miss his friends.]

And okay, last thing I swear, and it's the good part. For everyone who's new here and doesn't know, we have pretty awesome coffee at the bar thanks to Delight. Usually either Emily or I are there to make it, but if we're not just send one of us a message; it's part of the deal with Delight about the coffee to make it, so you're not bothering us or whatever.

So yeah, you might be stuck in a shitty cave, but at least there's coffee. That's something, right?

Comments

[tongueamok]

That is indeed awful. And as you said, even if you could ask, there might not be an explanation at all.

[Some things just can't be fixed, whether a broken friendship or an unfortunate condition. They simply have to live with them, and learn to manage them. Chris hasn't yet figured out how to do so with Josh, and neither has Carlisle with his curse -- it seems they're alike in that regard.

But as someone who isn't terribly versed in the world of friendships, Carlisle has to know:]

But if he was so unabashedly unapologetic, why still would you consider him a friend?

[thechoiceisyours]

[It's not all that unexpected of a question; Chris has wondered the same thing, albeit not in those words. He doesn't have a great answer but he does have one, or rather several.]

I um... I don't think I would've, if he'd... Made it.

[It's hard to say, even though he's accepted that Josh is dead at home logically. Emotionally is a little more difficult, and he's quiet after that for several seconds as he tries to decide whether to continue.

Finally he does, but his voice is a little weaker and he stares firmly at the table instead of Carlisle.]

B-But he didn't, and it's my fault.

[So it's kind of hard to be angry and hurt enough to justify truly no longer considering Josh a friend, when he's done something worse. Once again logically Chris knows it isn't truly his fault--he could've made different choices or been better or faster or something but he'd been trying to do the right thing for everyone including Josh--but that doesn't make the guilt any less.]

[tongueamok]

[Carlisle isn't entirely sure if Chris means it is literally his fault, or if guilt pushes him to feel that way; he assumes the latter, not wanting to press further as he hears the shift in Chris' tone. For Josh to have done something so awful and so remorselessly to his friends, even if it was some twisted way of lashing out for his sister's deaths, is truly sickening. The greatest tragedy seems to be that Josh managed to turn Chris, someone who obviously cared so much for his well-being, against him with his own actions.

And that's something with which Carlisle can't help but relate, given what happened in the jungle so long ago. A part of him knows he needs to be more careful, needs to learn to control his fears before they control him; another part is too terrified of the consequences to even try.

He takes in more noodles, hoping to drown that feeling in his gut with food.]

How does Emily feel in all this, if I may ask? Is she able to commiserate with you in some way?

[thechoiceisyours]

Em and I um... Don't talk about this part of things all that much. We got separated most of the night, and we've only gotten to be really good friends here, so it's just... It's all kind of a mess.

[So while she knows what happened and he can talk to her if he absolutely has to, he doesn't really want to go into any of this much. Not only is it hard for him to talk about, Emily has her own stresses from that night--especially with Hannah here--and her own feelings about Josh, and it's all so complicated.

Trying to ignore and repress everything is a much better tactic, right?]

Besides, her boyfriend Matt is one of the people we don't um, know about what happened to, exactly. So...

[So it just seems wrong to complain too much about missing Josh.]

[tongueamok]

Ah. I suppose I just assumed that since you live together, you talk.

[Because what's the point in living with people otherwise, though he can fully understand that their histories are precarious topics, given what happened to them before they were drawn to Hadriel.]

Though some subjects are better left alone.

[thechoiceisyours]

Well, I mean, we do talk; she knows what happened and I know what happened with her, but we um... There's only so much we can do to help each other with things.

[Neither of them is a therapist, is mostly the problem. And talking about pretty much anything from that night--or their situation here--is stressful for them both.]

But... Yeah. I guess we're just kind of trying to get past things.

[Not the healthiest way of dealing with things, but if they spent the time and energy on attempting to truly work out every single awful thing that happened or happens they wouldn't be able to handle surviving whatever next event is thrown at them.]