hadriel | |||||| first; text

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[ This isn't his first rodeo with social media, or he supposes... Something as close to it. Would this be considered social media if it's within a closed network? Noctis supposes it doesn't matter. This is his first shot, this is his means of feeling this place out. ]

I need a wheelchair.

Not for me... It's for a friend. I know there's a clinic, but I'd rather reach out and make sure I'm not signing myself up for the third degree when I try and claim one.

If someone could point me in the right direction of who I need to talk to or whether or not I just take it, let me know.

Ah.

Thanks. To whoever's reading.

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[ Blame it on his stubbornness, his wayward attitude towards most things. Noctis doesn't even understand why he so selfishly clings to an arrangement that was pointless to begin with. But his subconscious seeks to hang on to it as some sort of trinket, memory of what they had before everything crashed and burned. While Noctis can't quite pinpoint why it is he feels this way, he sees no fault in his stance. ]

[ At the same time? He can't exactly fault Lunafreya for feeling the way she does. Her sacrifices were part of her duty, her birthright, and perhaps Noctis had forgotten that Luna had essentially been bred for the sole purpose of ensuring his success as king. Whether that be in her death or marriage to him, she did as she was supposed to. And that was a place she was clearly happy being in. ]

[ So he... Deflates. Visibly. Knowing that she's hurt and he's hurt facing the sore thumb that is their mutual destinies and roles in life. ]

Luna...

I was happy with our arrangement.

[ He finally lowers his head, looking to her, as painful as it may be to do so. Eventually, he sighs, putting his forehead in his hand. ]

Honestly? I don't even know what I'm thinking. I can't expect you to figure it all out when I'm just as lost as you are.

[ This conversation hurts, and Noctis finds himself far too tired to even fight it. Or argue. His fear of losing her has him clinging to this idea that was futile even before her death. ]

I can tell you until I'm blue in the face that I don't want this. I get your stance, but I don't want to. And yeah, I know I'm being ridiculous.

Just...

[ His hand lowers itself again, Noctis looking towards the wall. ]

If that's what you want, we can forget it. You're right: it was basically a false hope. And it still is at this point.

[ It hurts saying that. He's not sure why, but somehow he really, really wants to leave this room. ]

Edited 2017-01-18 05:13 (UTC)

[ Lunafreya sees Noctis' anguish as plainly as she can see him sitting in front of her. She doesn't fault him for clinging to what he can; had she the luxury, she likely would do the same. But as it stands now, life has never afforded Lunafreya the opportunity to cling to sentimentality, barring the journal she and Noctis shared during their years apart.

Watching him makes her heart hurt. Seeing his pain so blatantly in his eyes makes her want to reach out to him, to tell him it's fine, they can drop the subject, but to do so would be a graver injustice than what she's doing now. It's true that she'd been happy in her station as Oracle, as Noctis' friend; but that doesn't change the fact that part of her had dared to want more, though she never let her personal feelings interfere with her duty. Their marriage and her death had been parts of her duty that she had accepted, even if leaving him had hurt her more greatly than any injury Ardyn could have inflicted upon her.

Their roles don't mean much of anything in Hadriel. Regis is not a king, nor is Noctis. Lunafreya is not an Oracle. Without her station, she feels untethered... but free. She can only hope Noctis feels the same way, if only for a short while, which leads her to the reasoning behind her proposal of annulment.

Her destiny is fulfilled. Noctis, however, still has to wait for his to unfold. ]

As was I. I could not think of anyone else I would rather be promised to.

[ The smile she gives him is wan, bordering on sad. It's only now that she finally reaches for him, very gently taking him by the wrist in only to enfold his hand with both of hers. She sighs, watching his face, and she shifts slightly closer.

Their situation is a cruel one, wrought with complications when there really should be none. She mulls over his words for a few moments before speaking, sadness tinging her voice. ]

I do not wish for it, either.

[ Lunafreya closes her eyes, measuring her words... only to realize that this is not the situation to do so. He deserves her complete and utter honesty, and in death, she can finally give that to him. The fact that she's alive in Hadriel is what makes this possible, and she silently finds herself thanking the faceless gods that have brought her here.

The yoke of duty lightened the instant she had given him the ring. While she's found another calling in finding any way possible to return him to Eos, Lunafreya feels she can remain silent no longer in the face of his pain. ]

To be by your side has been my greatest wish for over a decade. To laugh with you, to support you, to hold you and cherish you. I do not wish to forget our betrothal, nor do I think that I can. Treaty or no-- false hope or no-- it was real to me.

[ The more she speaks, the more heat pricks her eyes. Still, she presses on. ]

I never, ever wish to burden you. I would not deign to believe you feel the same way as I, which is why I offered an annulment. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that there is no room in my heart for any other than you.

[ Gently, selfishly, she brings the back of his knuckles to her lips, ghosting a kiss against his skin, holding his hand loosely so that he can pull away, if need be. ]

I am happy to die with that knowledge. My heart is full knowing that I have been able to support you as your Oracle-- your friend-- and I could not dare ask for more, regardless of my own selfish wants.

Edited 2017-01-18 06:26 (UTC)

[ It's almost... Funny. Ironic in a way, given that Lunafreya has so happily accepted that her job is done. That she is free from the shackles of what was once expected of her, which seems to be what fuels the lengthy reassurance she gives him. Its ironic because in the wake of her duty having been resolved, Noctis can't let go of his while he's here. He's not a king in Hadriel. Not a prince either, but it's so much easier said than done in wake of how he should behave. ]

[ Part of him is in no hurry to return to the calamity Eos is facing, while another is certain that he's wasting time not searching tirelessly for this Door. It's been the source of his restlessness, coupled with the worry he's felt for both Regis and Lunafreya. The fear of their disappearances, the fear of their well-being, all tied in with the huge weight on his shoulders regarding his kingdom and chosen path. ]

[ Noctis constantly feels as though his mind is going a mile a minute, posing a challenge in his focus on her words. But it's when she grasps his hand that everything seems to finally, finally slow down. ]

[ He looks to her, switching his gaze between her eyes and their joined hands. She's so warm, and her pulse is strong, easily felt in her grasp. Where as before, it was fading away, and Noctis finds himself easily grounded in the feeling. While the conversation has done nothing to ease his pain, her touch has. As it often does, due to her station and profession. Lunafreya has always been somewhat of a wordsmith, capable of making anything sound so much easier with just a few words. This time? There's plenty, all expressing something that he doesn't think he could ever manage to do so easily in return. ]

[ So... Despite the uselessness of their betrothal, despite the painful acceptance that it's best to just drop it entirely? She still... ]

[ Though the pain is still ever clear on his features, it's beginning to ebb away. But Noctis finds himself damn-near incapable of expressing himself in the way she has. He's nowhere near as graceful and poised as she, hardly as thoughtful. It's almost frustrating, in a way. He makes almost a pained exhale the instant her lips touch his knuckles, knowing that crying again would be foolish. ]

You never were a--

[ Words are just... Far too difficult. A pain to put together, really. He doesn't know how she does it. Noctis eventually shakes his head, expression as frustrated as ever. With what little he has left, in knowing what he had wanted to do and say would never happen in the wake of her death? He's impatient, selfish even. But it's clear the direction Lunafreya is going here, and it becomes even harder to just sit and talk this out. ]

It's done, okay? I don't care anymore, I just...

[ Another sigh. ]

Screw it.

[ Noctis lets her keep his hand, though the other is free to reach forward. It delicately grasps Lunafreya by the arm as he leans in, their noses bumping together before his lips take her own. The kiss itself is sudden, but gentle. Almost chaste, save for the spontaneous decision. He's not great with words, but he's good enough with action. ]

[ Lunafreya can certainly see the irony, though she observes it with some modicum of guilt. It almost feels as if she's been absolved of all of her responsibilities and is taking the very first opportunity to remind Noctis of his. She knows he's aware of it; the crown weighs heavy upon the head it rests, regardless of whether the king is in his kingdom or not.

Lunafreya almost feels as if, in her efforts to circumvent burdening him, she has instead doubled the weight her words hold. Eos is certainly lost without him there, and Lunafreya is terrified to think of what will become of Lucis with its king dead and crown prince unaccounted for. Most of her time is spent in abject horror, the more she thinks about it, and while duty dictates decorum and grace under pressure, she can't help but feel herself crack a little now that she's dead in her home world and trapped in this one.

Her own thoughts seem to slow and stop when she takes his hand, large and calloused, into her own. Noctis has an uncanny way of making her world narrow and shrink, her focus steady upon his face and the way he looks at her. Lunafreya trembles under the weight of everything that she has just said, but remains firm; she's never made her feelings for him a secret, but giving them a name seems to wind the situation taut, adding a dash of tension and terror to an already unbearably heavy conversation.

The easing of Noctis' expression makes Luna take heart, and she feels no disappointment in his momentary silence. She knows that words are not his strong suit, though his feelings come in droves; she also knows that she's effectively dropped over a decade's worth of feeling onto him all at once. Lunafreya doesn't expect an answer right away, if ever... But she feels better in finally telling him how she feels.

She wants to laugh. Wants to bring the conversation back to where it had been in the beginning, when he'd practically jaunted through the door with his groceries. Anything to ease the tautness of the atmosphere, to wipe that last bit of pain from Noctis' face.

It's Lunafreya's turn to look hurt at what he says next, though she scarcely knows why. What she interprets as resignation and finality is completely thrown out the window, however, as the rest of his words register to her ears: screw it. It's a colloquial term, she knows, but she can't help but admire the irony of it; the situation is already wound tightly enough as is. A further turn of the screw would only serve to make it break.

... And then, that's exactly what Noctis does. He turns the proverbial screw as he leans in, his breath washing warm over her lips before he covers them with his own, soft and gentle. Lunafreya is too surprised to react immediately, her brain synpases firing far too slowly for her to reciprocate as quickly as she wants to. Her stomach seems to bottom out at the feeling and she stiffens momentarily... But Noctis isn't kept waiting as she slants her mouth against his, as soft and chaste as he, interlacing their fingers before she breaks away.

What does this mean? She has no idea. ]

[ Noctis has a strange relationship with impulsiveness, and he'd like to think that he isn't. That he's as calculated and thoughtful as a proper king should be. But he has his moments, and he's realized that they've been rather frequent as of late. In knowing that each and every moment is sacred and so easily ripped apart, Noctis has allowed himself to completely abandon words in favor of acting upon his feelings instead. ]

[ And those feelings are still rather mysterious to himself. Putting a word to it, obvious as it may and should be, is far more difficult than anything he's dealt with. He knows it's there, that it's close, but admitting it seems to be the toughest part in the wake of what's waiting for him back in Eos. ]

[ So Noctis drowns himself in a heavy, yet brief gesture. And something tells him that he was right in doing so, in choosing this path. Because the way his body seems to wash away of all tension and discomfort with such a short moment is as shocking to him as it is comforting. Lunafreya's lips are soft, warm, and there's but a brief taste that he's never quite experienced in his lifetime that makes him crave more. Yet himself and Lunafreya seem to find it nearly impossible to do so. ]

[ Before long, the moment is over. Lunafreya being the first to break the kiss, it takes Noctis a second to come down from it all and look at her. He exhales, shaken and heavy, though he dares not let go of her hand. Through half-lidded eyes, he lets his attention remain upon her even when such a look of confusion and shock still seems to color her face. ]

Mm.

[ He hums to himself, as if in understanding of a conversation within his own head. Confirmation that he did what he felt was best, and there are no regrets lying behind it. ]

[ Noctis lets his forehead press against her own, as they often do, the hand at her arm letting loose to drop at her side. His voice is lowered, softer and less riddled with discontent and pain. ]

Listen, we don't need to waste time on this anymore. We'll cross that bridge again eventually, but now?

Let's... Take it one step at a time. Okay?

Edited 2017-01-18 08:02 (UTC)

[ Though she hasn't been in his physical presence for a very long time, Lunafreya is well aware of Noctis' bouts of impulsivity. This is the first time she's ever reaped the benefits of it, however, and as it's effectively her very first kiss, she scarcely knows how to react. She doesn't fall into a fit of blushing and stammering as they pull away, but her skin patches hotly with embarrassment and a desire to continue in spite of herself.

Noctis' actions always spoke much louder and more effectively than his words, and while a king should know how to speak with eloquence and grace, his actions are ultimately what carry the throne. Lunafreya is hesitant to give her own feelings a name, content to describe them to him and to allow him to deem them any title that he sees fit. Love is apt, but not wholly accurate; something so soft and shallow as love doesn't begin to cover the breadth and depth of the way she feels for him.

Lunafreya feels heady in the aftermath of his impulsive decision, though some long-dormant ache inside of her protests as they break apart. She keeps their hands connected, palms pressed together even as his brow meets hers, and she nods. It's all she can do.

She still thinks the betrothal is unnecessary, but she finds herself clinging to it in much the same way Noctis had. Though this changes... absolutely nothing, really, Lunafreya savors it for what it is, happy to simply be. ]

... Alright. If that is what you think is best... [ Luna murmurs, unconvinced but satisfied. While she knows the future is uncertain, she's happy in knowing that she can face it by Noctis' side, for however long that fate decides to grant it to her. ]

... That is enough for me. [ With that, she closes her eyes, content just to have him near. ]

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