three; video

[iustitiae]

[oh hello hadriel. it's "connor" but this isn't the silly laid back way he normally starts his posts, he looks very serious as he starts talking.]

Man, you guys are collectively the weirdest group of social media users. One day you're asking who ships what the next day you're making vague comments about something horrible someone did once. And it's always, "oh I couldn't possibly tell you what I did, but let me look for emotional support for my vast and intense guilt!" Please. You think you deserve sympathy for that?

[connor laughs, cold and bitter and shakes his head.]

I get it, I do. It's easier to not talk about it. Easier to live on the reputations you've built while you've been here and ask for help based solely on what people know than give up the ghost and actually show them the skeletons in your closet that you're so upset about. Maybe your friends will just imagine you cheated on your significant other once upon a time, or you accidentally lied to your mom, or you did something that, when we tell the whole story, actually sounds like it wasn't your fault at all. The kinds of things good people feel guilty about.

But let's face us - how many of us are actually good people? Why waste our time talking in circles about vague half-truths or covering our obviously deep-seeded issues with superfluous shitposting?

[he clears his throat and is quiet for a moment - dramatic flair, like he's about to drop some real truth bombs. (he is.)]

Here, I'll start: I killed my professor's husband with a group of friends. We covered up the murder like the good little future-lawyers that we are. We did a good job. We'll probably get away with it. Not that I'm likely to find out, since I'm stick here with all of you now.

[he's just going to let that...sink it. better to do it now before people start getting completely paranoid about the doubles than later on. but even if they figure out he's not his original - what does it matter? this wasn't some lie he was fabricating.]

That feels good, getting that out there. Now it's your turn.

Comments

[devilsavocado]

I know you better than you think.

[ Matt, that's creepy. ]

You're not a killer.

[iustitiae]

I killed Sam Keating.

[it's worth reiterating. he says it with a weight even he's not actually expecting, like he's told this to himself several times in self-hatred. like he's had to remind himself what he's done, when he's wondered about all the shit he's going through.]

Whatever it is you think is going on doesn't change that fact. I could get "better" tomorrow, and it'll still be true.

[devilsavocado]

Maybe you did. But it's been tearing you apart inside every day since you got here, and every day since it happened.

[ Have I mentioned that Matt thinks guilt is a good thing? ]

Telling everyone won't suddenly make it better. That's why you never told me before, isn't it? So why start now? Why tell everyone?

[iustitiae]

I never told you before because I was afraid of what you were going to do if I did.

[this is intentional, and it's supposed to feel like matt's realizing at least a few of those fears.]

[devilsavocado]

[ Matt certainly doesn't want to believe Connor is okay with this. The Connor he knows can't have all been a lie...

Of course, Connor is getting Matt right where it hurts because Matt is so easy. ]

Really? You were... afraid of me?

[iustitiae]

You're literally a defense attorney who doesn't take guilty clients. I fucking committed felony murder.

[devilsavocado]

[ Matt bites his lips, sucking in a breath. He sure is that. ]

That's different, Connor.

[iustitiae]

It is literally not different. I destroyed evidence. I hacked a body to pieces.

[devilsavocado]

[ Matt has to take a moment to breathe. If what Connor's saying is true, well, that's awful. But Connor clearly knows it's awful, or he wouldn't have been so cagey about it. ]

There has to be more to it than that. You didn't go to this man's house planning to kill him.

[iustitiae]

Doesn't matter. It happened while another crime was being committed. We're all implicated, and the lack of pre-meditation is hardly going to matter when they layer on all of post-murder offenses up to and including lying to the cops for Annalise.

[did you think that was it?]

It's likely Rebecca is dead, too, if she hasn't gone to the cops yet. And then there's Sinclair -- the bodies keep piling up.

[devilsavocado]

[ Oh, god, more names of people that might be dead because of Connor. Matt almost doesn't want to know, but he's starting to see why Connor can't sleep at night. He's just a normal kid... ]

Then why did you do any of it? What was your motive?

[iustitiae]

We were committing a crime - do you really think anyone is going to care beyond that? The motive was we didn't want Keating to rat out that we were stealing the data on his computer. Which is a dumb thing to kill a person over, but there you have it.

[this is...half of a lie. it's the motive that would come up in court, but technically wes had killed sam keating because he'd been choking rebecca. fucking wes, getting them into this whole goddamn mess. even connor's double has the good sense to be mad at him.

but he's had this conversation before. him and the others. mostly him and michaela, trying to find case law that would save their asses. coming up with anything, literally anything that might mean they could survive this mess alive.]

And everything since then has been protecting ourselves.

[and all of this is aside from the suicide he is also telling cashmere about. there's just so much you don't know, matt.]

So let's say you're willing to put your righteousness aside for the first one - you think we got scared and fucked up. Fine. But you can't possibly keep thinking that. We gagged Rebecca and tied her up because we were afraid she was going to go to the cops and she's been gone for, like, months now. Annalise probably had her killed, we just haven't found the body. And Sinclair? We framed our client for her murder. Because we were totally sure she'd killed her parents? But plot twist, it was her brother who incidentally killed himself in the aftermath.

[devilsavocado]

Jesus christ, Connor.

[ I mean, yeah, what else can he say? That's a lot. ]

Did you professor actually help you with this? None of you ever tried to go to the cops?

[iustitiae]

Most of it was her idea.

[it's...pretty much as bad as matt is imagining and then some. wait until real connor tells matt the story of "that time annalise asked us to shoot her"]

[devilsavocado]

[ Matt covers his mouth with his hand, sucking in a long, steady breath. ]

Jesus christ.

[iustitiae]

So, like I said, telling you was never going to go over well.

[devilsavocado]

That doesn't mean you--- Look, you honestly feel bad about it. Felt bad about it. Things aren't always that simple.

[ Sometimes you're a lawyer and you break the law as a vigilante.... ]

[iustitiae]

Why does that make a difference to you? It's not going to make a difference in the eyes of the law.

[devilsavocado]

The law isn't everything.

[iustitiae]

So then why don't you take guilty clients?

[devilsavocado]

Because the law favors the guilty as long as they can afford a good defense. The innocent need to know they have someone fighting for their side.

[iustitiae]

[he doesn't say anything for a moment, and then:]

That's bullshit.

[devilsavocado]

[ Matt frowns. ]

That's how it is back home.

[ Um. No it's not?? ]

[iustitiae]

No, it's not. You're just saying that because you like me.

[his tone is incredulous, accusatory]

Last time you told me it was about moral high ground. You didn't have to say it out loud to make it true.

[devilsavocado]

[ Matt glares. ]

You aren't a bad person, Connor. Bad people justify their actions and tell themselves it's okay.