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[avephoenix]

Hiya, Hadriel.

[It's Faith on screen, looking no worse for wear except in how brittle her smile is and how dimmed her gaze looks. (She's trying to smile because Shadow asked her to. She's trying, but the weight of all that happened is still heavy on her shoulders.) Even her voice is missing some if its verve, despite how it lilts and bobs like normal.]

I just-- I want to apologize for what, erm-- for what that other me said an' did. Want to take responsibility for it all. She, erm-- she's all the things I hate in--

[This is hard. All her time here, she's downplayed her status to her community at home. Should she try and keep doing that? Is it even possible to anymore, after what the other Faith did?]

She's who I could've been, I guess. But I'm not. That's why 'm sorry.

[She sighs. Okay, that's done. Now the easy part.] An' before it gets said, I've got to say: please don't blame the gods for this. S'not their fault they have to do things like this to survive. They're people, just like us, an' sometimes we need to hurt other people for our own sakes, yeh? Like when y'break someone's heart 'cos you know somethin's not workin'. Or animals, right, when we kill animals to eat. Breed 'em and kill 'em for us, for our needs.

Don't blame the gods. They're not the ones what burnt those temples and buildings. That was my shadow, and I'm sorry.

[Her smile long since gone, Faith stares at the camera for a second or two longer, then shuts off the feed.]

Comments

[avephoenix]

[Funny, it's-- it's so different to be in a place where no one thinks of you as a legend. Back home, there'd be such disappointment over a phoenix being less than magnificent. People would feel betrayed.

It's a thought that makes Faith give a weak, hollow chuckle.]

Can't remember if I've told you, but back home, I'm a thing of myths. Stories tell phoenixes are heroes, close to gods in a way. If this'd happened back there, I'd-- I'd have to go into exile, for the shame of it, for how I'd let people down.

[She pauses and lifts her gaze to the camera. To Ahsoka.] Means a lot that you're not just jumpin' in to judge. Too many absolutes bein' thrown around. I can't live like that. It scares me.

[fulcra]

Absolutes only hurt people in the end. I don't accept them for myself and I would never push them on anyone else. [ it's not really easy to hold someone's gaze through a camera, but ahsoka's doing what she can to do it now, her expression gentle. ]

I may not be a phoenix, but back in my home galaxy, when I was young, I was a Jedi. And once the Jedi were wiped out, they became legends, too- stories that people blew out of proportion for something to hold onto, something to believe in. Once they realized I might be one, so many people tried to put their faith in me and... [ she trails off, finally looking away as she shakes her head. ] I couldn't always help. Jedi were supposed to be unequivocally good and sometimes I just wasn't, because some part of me needed to be something else in order to do what I thought was right. Sometimes, doing what you think is right instead of what is good is what trips you up. And it could happen to anyone. Especially under these circumstances.

[ so don't be ashamed, she means. not here, not with all these variables working against them. ]

[avephoenix]

[Faith nods. She agrees wholeheartedly with that. There's so much danger in trying to make clear distinctions between everything. Sometimes it's just not possible.

It's interesting, how legends are formed, how people need hope so desperately sometimes that they elevate people who'd rather stay on the ground. When did that start with phoenixes, back home? How many phoenixes have felt the way Faith does, the way Ahsoka does in her own world?]

No one's all good. [She sighs.] Never thought I'd meet someone who understands. Who's been there, in their own way.