hadriel | ✘ Round 4

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✘ Round 4 | [Audio]

[It's time for someone who rarely accesses the network to rear his head again, driven to desperation as the days have ticked by and he's failed to find even a trace of one of his closest friends. That being said when Glacius speaks there's an uncharacteristic urgency tinting his voice, worry bubbling just underneath the surface.] Kate Galloway. Has--has anyone seen or heard from her recently?

[Realizing that in his haste to get to the point he's left out some details, he dials it back a bit:] She's, ah, a human woman. Brightly-colored hair. Worked at the clinic, primarily. I... haven't seen a trace of her ever since the masquerade and...

... Please. [His voice finally wavers noticeably, resignation clashing up against his innate tendency to hope again hope. This can't be how it goes.] I need someone to tell me she's still here.

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[She does a little investigating before answering Glacius, setting the message to private so they can both be as vulnerable as they need.

Emily's voice is gentle when she speaks.] I'm sorry, Glacius. She's not here anymore. I checked the network-- she's gone from there too. That's-- that means she's home again.

[There's a very long pause. When Glacius finally does speak, his voice is hushed from its utter despondence.] ... I know.

[Those words are like a lance through her heart.]

I'm really sorry. She's really cool. [A pause. This always sucks, goddamn.] I'm here for you if there's anything I can do.

She is. She was... the first person to leap to my aid in the middle of conflict in this place. She would stand against the very forces of my past when they sought to torment me. She was the closest thing I had to a fellow warrior here... and she was... one of my closest friends.

And now I... I don't know. [He's never had to deal with the loss of someone he's so close to. It is really fucking him up--he doesn't feel like he wants to be around anyone right now, but he also doesn't want to be alone.] I don't know what to do, Emily. I just... wish I could see her again.

Edited 2017-04-29 23:05 (UTC)

[Kate's a better person than Emily got a chance to find out about, isn't she. Which means she's left without much to say to help Glacius out right now.]

I couldn't have made your sash without her. [It's quiet and small, but it's a memory and a gesture Emily still values.]

I know. It's the worst. [She felt the same way after Matt disappeared.] We're so helpless when tha thappens. Like, we can scream and cry all we want, but that's not going to make them come back.

[The reminder makes Glacius smile, but it's one that is laced with pain, the gift bittersweet now that it is a reminder of her disappearance.] Yes. I will... always cherish something made for me by two of my closest friends. And now it means even more. [It might hurt to carry it with him, but if it will help him to remember and honor her, then he will do it gladly.]

I, ah. I know what you mean. My people, we are... a very reserved species, taught to be in control of our emotions. It is rare that I face anything that threatens that. And yet... now... I feel as though I could roar with the unfairness of it all. And yet all I ever wanted was for her to be free from this place--so why am I... what is wrong with me?

[Like Glacius, Emily has physical things here that are a reminder of Matt. His jacket, and the notebook with his mom's recipes. They mean the world to her, even though they make her sad that he's not here anymore. At least it hurts less now.

She gets it, though, how awful it is at first, and for a long time after.]

There's nothing wrong with you. [That's what it all comes down to.] You miss her because you care about her, and you want her to be safe because you care about her. It sucks, but it means you had something really important with her.

[Love hurts, but Emily wouldn't trade it for the world.]

[For all the strength Glacius possesses, this is one that he will have to learn; right now, he just wants to cut himself off from everyone, to prevent the possibility that he might ever have to suffer this particular brand of hurt again. At least he's not one to deny what he knows is truth.] I... I did. But now it is gone with her. What is... how can I keep on letting people in like this if I can do nothing to safeguard them in the end? How am I supposed to bear being so powerless?

[She can sympathize with that. After what Mike and Jess put her through, Emily had told herself that Matt would just be a rebound, just to prove that she was fine. And now here she is, thoroughly in love with him and so much better for it.

When Matt disappeared, she'd gone to Maketh for comfort, and Maketh had told her something that had made it all a little easier to bear. Maybe it'll help Glacius now too.] It's not gone with her. It's yours, and nothing can take that from you.

[She sighs sharply taking a moment to gather her thoughts again.] I don't know how anyone is supposed to bear this. But we all go through it, so maybe... maybe the way we deal with it is by dealing together. Not, like, all the time, but... whenever you feel up to it.

... I... I suppose you are right. I will always have the memories of the time we shared together. But that pales in comparison to actually having her here with me, and I can't help but wonder... will that one day happen to the rest of you that I have met? Has this all just been an exercise in futility?

[Right now, it's hard to see it as anything but... although he's already made friendships, and he's not going to turn them away or let them wither now. He should be making the most of the time he has with the people he cares about who are still here, so that in the event that they do end up disappearing, he doesn't end up with the same sort of regrets that he has here--feeling like Kate simply slipped away from him. The alien responds to Emily's sigh with one of his own, but it's less and more shaky... this is all so hard to think about.] That would be good for me, I think. I just... don't know when... I'm not in a good place right now. [But perhaps that's all the more reason for him to seek support, instead of trying to sequester himself away as he grapples with the terrible burden of loss. Unfortunately he doesn't know how to outwardly ask for such aid, having never suffered this before and not wanting to seem pathetic or needy.]

Edited 2017-05-07 00:42 (UTC)

It's not wasted if it means something to you. [What she shared with Matt, the conversations she's had with Beth and Hannah, with Josh and Ash when they were here... all of that is going to stay with her forever.] Matt might be gone now, but all we talked about-- that wasn't for nothing.

[It takes time. That's all there is to it. It'll take time for the ache to dull. It'll never stop hurting, but it'll be easier to live with.] I get that. It's okay. [Glacius won't be alone. He has Carlisle right there with him.] I guess-- start small. Like this, right now. This is good. I'm sure Carlisle will listen if you want to talk to him. You know where I'm living and where I work, and you can message me on the network whenever you want, okay?

[Time is a component of what he needs, certainly--but there are others as well, support being one of them. That is something the once solitary alien is gradually learning to accept, one he's learning makes all the difference, so the pause he gives is only a small one.] ... Yes. Alright. I... I will come find you shortly. And thank you, Emily. For taking time out to speak with me, for trying to help walk me through this. [For being honest, but gentle with him in his grief. Most of the people on this network have seemed to have a hard time finding a middle ground between offering slim hopes or being too blunt, but she, as always, seems to know just what to say to the alien.]

[Honestly, she has no idea she's helped him so much. Just letting him know she's here for him is all she could think to do.]

Anytime.

["Shortly" ends up being a great deal longer than the term actually implies; it isn't until the next day that Glacius actually ends up making it over to his friend's residence, as he ends up spending some time working through things with Carlisle that night. It at least gives him the spirit to make the trip to begin with, and though he's not completely over the loss, it means he's not so utterly disconsolate, either. When the day turns and he's had some time to rest and recover, the alien texts Emily an apology for the wait and lets her know that he's ready to come over; it's only when he receives confirmation that he's not intruding that he shows up.

Nevertheless, when he finally arrives and knocks on the door, the sound is tentative, like he's still worried about being a burden to his friend. Try as he might to remind himself that Emily has never been anything but supportive of him and she wouldn't think of him as such in his time of need, the loss of his friend is painting everything a bit more sorrowful right now. It'll be visible on his features and in his body language when Emily opens the door; his expression is still wasted, and his normally straight posture is hunched now, back and neck bent under the weight of his sadness.] Emily--hello. I apologize again for not getting back to you sooner. Thank you for... being willing to see me now. Things have been... hard. [Understatement of the century, but then his depression is making everything muted right now. Just standing here is sapping at his energy, making it hard to find the words to properly express himself.]

Edited 2017-05-13 17:35 (UTC)

It's fine, Glacius. [She gives him a gentle smile as she steps aside and lets him in.] You needed time, I get that.

[She closes the door and waves him in to the living room. As she sits on the couch, she says,] I'm really sorry you're hurting so much.

[Glacius manages to muster up a weak smile in response, then gives a slight nod as Emily gestures for him to move into the living room. The massive alien eases himself down onto the couch besides her, the cushions depressing under his bulk with a creak... and he's immediately glad he's not standing up when she drops that sentiment, as it seems to take whatever wind he had left right out of his sails.

It's such a simple sentiment, the apology, and yet it's one he hasn't been offered yet. Carlisle offered him logical responses and ample physical comfort, but he hadn't simply apologized for how badly he knew the alien must have been suffering. Glacius flinches, then lowers his head in a sorrowful manner as he sucks in a breath, which he lets t out in a shuddering exhale.] Th-thank you. I've... never hurt like this before. I am trying to cope with it, but I do not know... how long it will be before the pain ebbs. I suspect it may never truly go away.

[He'll always miss Kate, after all.]

Edited 2017-05-15 13:37 (UTC)

[Yeah. It sucks. She knows that feeling pretty well. Talking about it helps, though, and that's why she's not afraid to call things what they are.]

Yeah, it won't. [She's not going to lie to him.] I still miss Matt a lot. It still hurts. Not as much as it did before, but still. [She meets Glacius's gaze. Is it just her, or do his eyes seem a little dimmer than normal? Still green and beautiful, but not the same, exactly.

A few seconds of silence later, she reaches out and puts her hand on his. Like this, Emily's hand seems so tiny and weak. If not for the magic she's been learning from Carlisle, she'd think that's true. But between that and the fact that Glacius has her back, she knows there's strength there, hers and her friend's.] It's different for everyone, but you're going to be okay.

I am sorry that you have to go through that, Emily... now more than ever. But you have endured it well thus far; I should... aspire to that sort of strength. [The alien replies, still hanging his head. It's not until he feels the young woman's small and warm hand light upon his own that he flinches again--this time in surprise--before he turns to look at her. She's right that his eyes are dimmer, and he'd find her shockingly perceptive for noting such a change; the glow that they emit is tied to his energies, which are fueled by his will, and both are flagging noticeably right now.

He does manage to find it in himself to turn his hand to clasp his friend's, though, after a moment's hesitation--trying to take solace from the same strength that she has noted.] Thank... thank you, for that hope. Most of the ones that other people have offered to me have been... precarious ones, mostly involving Kate's return, which I... find unlikely. This, however... I feel I can believe, even if it may be a distant aim.

[He squeezes her hand--gently, always so careful with that immense strength of his--trying to live up to some of the resolve she's shown him with a smile. It's fragile, maybe even a little forced, but he's making an earnest attempt.] After all. You're always right, no?

[She's sorry anyone has to go through that. It's the actual worst, but it's the way things are here. And more to the point, she doesn't see it as strength. She might act tough and like she's got everything under control, but most days, Emily's afraid she's going to fuck everything up.]

You should've seen me the morning I realized Matt was really gone. [She gives a small, self-deprecating laugh.] I spent days with Wolfie. Like, anywhere I went, I took him with me.

[When Glacius grasps her hand, she smiles for him, a tiny, sad, sincere little thing -- and then she laughs again, quietly, when he references her number one rule.] Yeah, I am.

[There's a short pause, then she goes on.] I don't want to give you hope for something that might not happen. It'd be like lying. I don't want to lie to you, so... [She shrugs.] This is just how it is for me. I know you'll be okay. You're the strongest person in this entire cave.

[That finally gets a little bit of laughter up out of the alien; it's a bitterly amused sound as opposed to a truly happy one, but it's at least better than the despondent sighs or woe-filled lamentations he's been uttering left and right.] So I have been told. At times, I have a hard time seeing it... but... those sentiments will keep me going until I can be worthy of them once more.

[That, too, feels like a distant aim, but it's one Glacius won't stop working towards as long as he has people who believe in him. He's lost one of them, but that just makes the ones he has left all the more important to him.] So thank you, my friend, for giving me heart in all of this. It means more to me than I know how to say... know that you will always have my loyalty and support.

That just means you really are that strong. [It's like how Matt doesn't brag about his strength or skill on the football field, or about how nice he is to her and their friends. He just is all those things, comfortable and confident in them, while Emily used to put others down every chance she got. Used to. Not so much anymore. She's learning little by little, thanks to the example of people like Glacius and her friends from home.]

It's the least I can do. [She gives him a small nod, smiling a bit wider.] I'm here for you.

[Glacius gives another quiet chuckle--it's hoarse, but a little less bitter.] You flatter me with your unending support and praise. I would gladly offer you the same, should you ever find yourself in need of it.

Anyways--I know you are. There is perhaps... one more thing you could help me with. When I posted to the network, someone suggested that we set up some sort of... service, or gathering, of Kate's friends to honor her departure. Is that something you would... like to be a part of? [They did make his sash together, after all. In Glacius' mind, it's only right that Emily should be helping him spearhead it.]

[His question sobers her, the smile fading from her face in respect for the pain he's feeling over Kate's disappearance. She was on friendly terms with Kate, but they weren't close, and definitely not anywhere near as close as Glacius was with her. Emily would be okay without a service or a gathering or whatever he has in mind.

However, for him, Emily would go. She'd want to show him that she supports him, that she's there for him, just like she said she is.]

Of course. [She smiles again, this time more subdued.] I'd be glad to help you out. Whenever you're ready, whatever I can do to help, I'll do.

[Glacius still doesn't really know just how they'd gotten along; it's never been clarified. They worked on the sash for him together, though, and that's all he needs to know--they they were capable of coming together to bring goodness into this cave.] Thank you. I... I think I'll take some time for things to feel a bit less... fresh. But I would like to do it before too long. I just need to figure out what exactly it will... involve. I wasn't planning anything grand, perhaps just a place where people can offer tokens of appreciation and share memories.

What do you think? I don't want to treat it like a death ceremony, but I... I do want to make sure her absence is properly honored.

[Hmm. What to do, what to do.]

You could always start some sort of shrine. Maybe by the clinic, where she worked. Set up something that looks kind of like an altar, maybe with a few shelves. Put something on it that represents her, keep it tidy, visit it often, tell people it's there and what it's for. They can add things to it if they want. It'd be like sharing things from here with her even though she's gone.

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✘ Round 4 | [Audio]

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