hadriel | video

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[ She really should have just done voice - or text - but Hannah isn't exactly in her right mind today. There's a wildness in her eyes and in her tone that is more than obvious, her entire bearing just... bordering on panic. ]

Has anyone seen Beth? My sister - I can't find her.

[ It's not that it's unusual to find one of the twins out of their room before the other, but it is strange to have Beth... seem totally gone, not responding to calls or messages, having left no note of explanation... ]

She isn't here, she isn't - answering, and - God, if anything happens to her...!

[ "My little sister is dead. The fall killed her..." The first pieces of what Matt had found and showed to Hannah claw at her brain, unrelenting. ]

I've gotta go out there and find her. I won't leave her.

[ No one found them when they fell, apparently, but that doesn't mean she'll give up. Not on Beth. Not for anything. ]

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[She's not answering. Her sister, and she's not pickin' up. He takes the time, at least, to toss up a filter. Staring at the racecar bed he still ain't done anything about, the room with an entire half that's meticulously packed away, not a stitch outta place. Thick dust carpeting the sheets and the floor.

His tone is steady. No video today.]

If she's outta the system, then she's gone.

You don't know that! [ Hannah responds sharply, even though she knows, by now, that it's true. ] Crazy stuff happens here a-all the time, right? So... she could just be... gone, for now, and she'll come back...

[ Jesus, she has to hope. She can't bear the thought of never seeing Beth again in this or any other world. ]

Don't say that. [ She whispers, pleading. ]

[If he were the sort to get incensed over it, doubtless he'd be able to relate to the firm denial, the insistence that he's wrong, that she can't possibly accept that something like that could'a happened. But he's long since learned that tehre ain't a damn thing he can do to change what goes down.

Including what goes down where his brother's concerned.]

Wish that weren't how it worked. But that's just how it is, 'round here.

[He simply sounds...tired. Resigned.]

Sometimes the people you know disappear, and there's no knowin' if they'll come back.

But - [ It isn't fair, like so much else in her life, she thinks. ] Yeah, I don't know if she'll come back, but she could! People have, right? Our friend Chris did!

[ But not the others. Not Mike, or Ashley, or Matt. Her heart seizes with fear and pain. ]

There's a chance. [ Hannah insists. ] You - You can't take that from me.

'Course there's a chance.

[And 'course he ain't gonna take that from her. There's always a chance, no matter how infinitesimal it might seem, and to rip that asunder would be a cruelty, he knows full well. No matter how realistic it might be.

Seems she's still got enough of a sense of optimism to hold onto that.

Who's he to grind that into the dirt?]

You were close. Yeah?

Close - to Beth? [ If that's what he means, then the question draws out a disbelieving scoff. ] Yeah, she... She's my sister, my twin sister. The most important person in the world.

[ She's dead, and it's my fault. She'd never forgive me, if she knew - ]

Did... you know her at all?

Talked to her a bit, yeah.

[Not nearly as much as he could've, should've. Or, rather, now that she's gone - maybe he should be glad, in a twisted sense, that he never reached out.]

Havin' someone like that - 's like you can't imagine what you are without 'em. Never had to think of it that way before, right?

[ Had Sans talked to Josh, too? She thinks she remembers, but... he was here a long time ago. ]

No. [ Not until she came here and was without her sister. ] I can't imagine... going on with her gone. [ Or worse. ] It - it hurts, thinking about it.

I know.

[God, but he knows. He knows it, full well, and it's like a great fucking weight in yourself, the breaking, splintering ache of something long gone. Or maybe it just feels long gone.]

But you're not nobody without her. You get that, right?

... Yeah. [ Not nobody, but... not complete. Not in her opinion. ] I can survive, but her living with no warning? ... Shit. [ She bites her lip hard, trembling. ] I wish I could've said goodbye.

[There ain't much he can do about that. He's always been a pair, with Papyrus. The short one and the tall one. The dichotomous duo. They needed each other, and -

And apart, it's like he don't really count for much, now, does he?]

I know.

[You never get to say goodbye. Turns out that goodbyes are pretty garbage anyway, but at least they allow some measure of...what's it - closure. That old chestnut. Whatever the hell's that supposed to feel like.]

But if you don't say goodbye, it's a little bit like...y'know. Like she ain't really gone. Like maybe she's just takin' a little vacation. [That's a joke, right? A long, horrible vacation, like he's pretty sure he's once said. Nobody really dies in the Underground. They just go on vacation. They just disappear.]

So she's not gone, see?

She's just...not here right now.

[ Hannah doesn't say that it's a permanent vacation, should Beth never return to Hadriel. That the next time she'll see her sister may well be in Heaven, if there's even such a thing. ]

Maybe she'll come back. [ It's her only chance. ] ... Thanks.

[ Sans is trying, that's more than obvious, and she has to appreciate the effort. Hannah swallows, wiping her eyes. ]

You're... really good with this kind of stuff. [ She adds. ]

[Is he? Really?

Maybe he's just comforted enough people about the nature of loss, having grown a little too intimately familiar with it himself, that he's finally managed to make things a little easier to bear in the short term. In the long run, nothing's gonna ease that wound by time stretching on. And even then, equating that with some kind of grandiose notion of "healing" is a bit of an exaggeration.]

Well, uh...maybe I just seen it happen a bit too much, 's all.

[Accepting that kinda compliment feels like a lie, a cop-out. He ain't really that good at much, other than maybe bullshitting.]

Well, I'm sorry. [ She offers, frown clear in her voice. ] Nobody should have to go through this.

[ Definitely not him! He's always so friendly and helpful. ]

No. They shouldn't.

[That's one thing he can say, concretely. Maybe he deserves, on some level, to experience loss, but after a while it just gets - uh, well, it gets to be a bit much, y'know? And it ain't about him. It's about the one that gets lost.]

It'll happen one way or another. Most we can do is live through it.

[ Hannah isn't sure she will live through it. She's dramatic, and a teenager, but a lot of her life has been terrible beyond the norm within the past year or more. She swallows, trying to believe what he says, but coming up short on hope. ]

I'll try. [ Is all she can say. ]

Atta kid.

[Quiet encouragement is about all he can offer, but hopefully - eh. Who's he to offer something along the lines of hope, huh?

She'll live through it. That's the hope.]

Anything comes up, you, uh...

You lemme know. Okay?

Mm-hmm. [ Something will come up, it always does. But... for now, she just sighs a little, trying to put this from her mind, to focus on - something else. If she can't find Beth, if Beth isn't here to be found, then she needs to think about something, anything else, or she'll go crazy. ]

Um, thanks again. I hope... you're okay, too.

Me? I'm fine.

[He's always fine. He's always smiling, see? A fair and earnest indication of his mental state at any given day, almost assuredly!]

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