hadriel | eighth. voice (breathe underwater, i'm coming up for air).

[It's been a while since Mello's addressed the network with anything but cold, impersonal text (well, except for that one time he was possessed by a demon, but let's not dwell on that, he wasn't exactly himself), and the fact that he is now choosing this method of communication is significant - Mello does nothing without purpose. He's been here an entire year, and he has begun to slowly pull himself out of the mindset of a man with one day left to live and not much to lose. Near was right; he is better at dealing with people than he has been, and it's well past time he took steps to rectify that. He's stuck here, perhaps indefinitely, and he has, in spite of his various missteps over the past year, become a part of this community.

So when he speaks now, his tone is a measure less haughty and condescending than you might be used to seeing from him. This is, believe it or not, what an attempt at teamwork looks like.]

I've revised the introductory guide, and I've included a new attachment with a summarized history of the events that have transpired here. Please take time to review it. If anything of importance is missing, I'd like to know.

[Look at that, Hadriel. He even said please.]

I think we need better documentation of what happens to us here - not just so that we aren't forced to keep explaining things to the newcomers ad nauseam, but because our history informs who we are, collectively. And I can't help thinking that if the gods here or their so-called previous host population had left better records of what happened before, we might have been better prepared for what happened when we were attacked not long ago by the things that killed them off. Now, I'm good at collecting information, but I'm only one person, and as we've seen, the Door is unpredictable about who comes and goes. If only one person is collecting this sort of information and that person disappears, we all lose that record.

[He falls silent for a moment, thinking of Near's recent disappearance. As much as he dislikes to admit it, even to himself, it's something that has left a deep impact - deep enough, perhaps, to prompt this shift in his attitude.]

I guess ... I'm asking for your help. All of you.

[Don't make this weird, Hadriel. It takes a lot for Mello to ask for help with anything.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

You thought I had the time or resources for them, given the amount of cases I took on?

I have no idea how you manage your time, or your resources. It's not as if you gave me a thorough autobiography the one time we met.

What you thought merely interested me, I suppose.

What I thought? About what?

About the things you could only guess at, before. As well as the things you never asked.

[There's one thing Mello never did ask about that meeting, something that has remained in his mind through the years that have passed.]

Why did you choose to talk to me? Why did what I thought interest you?

I knew you would value it. Near never thought enough of me to consider it an honor. I thought it might inspire you to try harder.

... Oh.

[Most of that - the part that sounds complimentary - goes in one ear and out the other.]

I see. You thought I needed to try harder.

[Of course that's the part he'd zero in on.]

"Trying harder" happens to be the job description. If I had to use two words to describe it, they would be it. No one who only wants validation could possibly succeed, not when every single day means accepting that you must find a way to be better.

Then I guess it's a good thing Near took your title instead of me.

[There's ice in his tone - a defensive reflex. All he's ever done is try to find a way to be better, and he's always somehow managed to come up short.]

I'm unhappy that's what you took away from this conversation, but there's only so much of that I can control. I've accepted that, and maybe it's time that you did, as well.

[That scratches at him too; I'm unhappy with you is what he hears in between the actual words. There's only one thing to say, really.]

Fine.

[And he hangs up.]

eighth. voice (breathe underwater, i'm coming up for air).

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