[ That door has been open for Kaz from the start. He just hasn't wanted to step through it until now. He's aware that he's going back on his own word by doing this, but if that whole mass burial proved anything, it's that they won't accomplish much in this city without working together.
Whatever bad blood there is between them, he's going to have to forget about it until they find their way home. It's a bitter pill to swallow, but even Kaz has to admit that they're better off banding together against these gods.
The trip takes longer than it should, but he makes the hike and even works his way up those flights of stairs, his success mainly due to the presence of a railing he can cling to. By the time he makes it to Snake's door, he's short of breath and looking haggard. He leans against the door frame and closes his eyes. ]
Would it have been so hard to pick a room on the ground level?
[ He's not entirely sure where Big Boss is in the apartment, but he speaks loud enough to be heard. ]
[john lies in wait like his namesake for a while, sprawled on the couch with the door wide open. he desperately wishes he had a smoke, it was the only thing that kept his hands from fidgeting. and the wait makes him want to fidget.
after all, kaz could just nix the whole thing. stick to his guns, be stubborn, make things difficult. neither of them need that right now.
but then he hears the uneven gait drifting up the stairs and knows the sound can only belong to one person. by the time kaz is at the seventh floor, john disappears into the kitchen and comes back out with a glass of water.]
It's too much to keep an eye on.
[he puts the glass on a table near the couch, stands there waiting for kaz to come inside. it's john's way of giving him one final out. after all, he forced himself up seven flights of stairs. if he really is serious about burying this thing between them (even temporarily), a few more steps to the couch will seal the deal.]
[ There's definitely a sense of satisfaction in the thought that he might have made Snake sweat while he waited and wondered if he'd actually show. Maybe he should have held out for a little longer to prolong that, but the fact is that Kaz needs to see Snake with his own eyes. After looking at his corpse, there's a need to find color in his face again. To see life in his limbs.
Big Boss wanders out holding a cup of water, looking as if nothing ever happened. Kaz remains where he is for a few seconds and simply stares, tracks every motion, registers every shift in Snake's voice. He, of all people, would be able to pick out a fake, and this isn't that. ]
You could move.
[ But he won't, Kaz knows. Too paranoid for that kind of thing.
A few more seconds and he finally pushes off of the door frame, leaning on his cane as he makes his way to the couch and then falls onto it. Snake's couch, in Snake's apartment. They may be temporary lodgings, but this is a symbolic move and he's going to have to explain himself.
Frowning, he reaches out for the water, downs about half the glass in one go, and then sets it down again.
At which point he look Big Boss right in the face, and blurts out: ] What the hell were you thinking?
Maybe I'll move closer to you. I don't wanna torture you with anymore stairs.
[because as much as john is a believer that no soldier should let an injury hamper them, he can't say he'd have a better time climbing those stairs were he in kaz's place. and if they're going to be working together, they should at least be in the same spire.
plus, you know, he had grown so used to living in a place surrounded by other people that living up on the seventh floor in the spire just didn't feel right. unfortunately, they were the only rooms that were one bedroom. small, easy to fend off anything that might attack him.
anyway. he gives kaz a moment to collect himself, shuts the door to the place so no prying ears could drop in. he's headed back to where his friend is sitting when he gets hit with that question.]
[ Move closer? That's a pretty bold statement. It's true that Kaz had come all the way here to return Big Boss' weapons, but that doesn't necessarily mean anything. He hasn't said a thing about forgiveness, and yet Snake's acting as if they're already there. It's presumptuous, which is why he puts off any kind of response.
With an annoyed grunt, Kaz flips open his coat and pulls out first Big Boss' knife, in the sheath, which he tosses onto the table. Next is his gun, which he sets down with a little more care. ]
Don't play dumb, Snake. [ He looks up as Big Boss walks back over, his mouth tight and his brow knit above his aviators. ] Kerrigan told me that the coffin had been slashed open. What happened to you wasn't some accident.
[ It's not like either of them could have helped that helicopter crash, but this had been deliberate. Kaz would have thought that after spending nine years in a coma, Snake would have been a little more cautious. So much for that. ]
[lie to yourself all you want, kaz, john knows a cease-fire agreement when he sees one. and, of course, he notices how the other man purposefully doesn't make any further comments on the subject. that's fine. big boss doesn't need kaz's approval to uproot should he feel like it.
when his weapons are placed on the table, he regards them like long, lost friends. the knife is relatively new compared to the m1911, which is close to 20 years old. a present from the same person who had given him their prized triumph motorcycle.
it's easier to think about the knife and the gun than kaz's accusation. mechanically, he secures the knife to belt, movements second-nature. the gun he gives a cursory glance over, flashing a glance the blond's way before:]
Pain gets the better of us all.
[it's all he offers in the way of explanations before he draws the slide of the pistol back, ejects the round in the chamber to make sure everything's still in working condition. that he's still in working condition.]
[ Kaz only watches as Big Boss collects his weapons. The way he handles them with the sort of care he can never show to another human being has never failed to amaze him. It might not be obvious to someone who doesn't know Snake, but there's a great deal of fondness in the way that he secures the knife and gun back onto his person. Kaz only shakes his head to himself. Typical.
(At one point, he'd found it enduring. That a man could treat tools of destruction like precious mementos.)
That answer, though, completely blindsides him. Pain gets the better of us all. It's not often that Big Boss admits to anything emotional about himself, let alone being in pain. Kaz can guess that being stuck in that coffin had been hellish, but is it really in Snake's personality to try and find some other way out?
He has to wonder if it had reminded him of the AI pod.
Kaz bows his head and clenches his jaw, filled with anger for reasons he can't quite explain. ] If you'd just waited, you would have been fine. [ As far as Kaz is aware, everyone else had survived the ordeal, though it's always possible someone had been missed. Still, he'd facilitated the majority of those buried being saved, and that's something he can take pride in. ]
[he doesn't like to talk about himself like this or even about this kind of subject. with no cigars and nothing to point a gun at, he crosses his arms and curls his fingers around his biceps. big boss doesn't fidget, but christ, he might in this place if he has to quit smoking for too much longer.
the whole of whatever john was thinking in that coffin was between him and that pine box, but kaz isn't about to be lied to. or brushed off. he's too smart and he knows big boss better than the man himself wants to admit.]
I couldn't. [it's the truth and it's not, all at once. he's not going to start pouring out whatever races into his head just to fill the gap between them. if kaz wants answers, he'll have to ask, or yell, the right questions.]
[ Snake stands there as steady as a concrete block, but Kaz can sense that he's anxious, that in reality he's close to vibrating out of his own skin. Whatever he went through while in that coffin, it got to him, and Kaz can count the number of times he's seen Big Boss this unsteady on the one hand he's got left.
Kaz lifts said hand to rub at his eyes behind his sunglasses, displacing them for only a moment before they fall back into position. ]
What if the rumors had been wrong, and Hope hadn't been able to bring you back? You would have been fine with dying, just like that? In some random cave located who-knows-where?
[ No matter which way Kaz looks at it, this had been a dumb move on Big Boss' part. Maybe he'd really been that desperate to end it all in that moment, but it still strikes him as an unexpected sign of weakness. ]
At the time? [look, even he knows that it wasn't the smartest decision he's ever made. he won't argue. but, in the moment, it had seemed like the only one and, in the end, it had been his. that was the point; he'd rather die at his own hand than leave it up to chance.
and the irrational part of his brain, the part that had done all the thinking for him down there, told him that no one would come for him.] Yeah. There's contingency plans in place for if I die or disappear, so it doesn't matter if I had.
[ocelot and venom would've picked up his slack. outer heaven would have still happened. there world would've continued spinning without him.]
[ There he goes again. Kaz actually lets out a pained groan. Is he ever going to be able to get through this guy's thick skull? ]
Are you capable of not thinking about your "grand plan" for a second? [ It might seem hypocritical coming from someone like Kaz, who always has the finish line in mind, but at least he also has some emotional intelligence. (Maybe too much of it, according to some.)
He shakes his head vehemently. ] It's not about that. Did you stop and think about the people who would grieve your death? Not because of any foiled plans, but because they valued you as a person? [ Kaz isn't talking about himself, of course. That ship has sailed. But people such as Ocelot would have been deeply affected by Big Boss' death. Not that Kaz really cares what Ocelot's put through, either. It's the principle of the matter. ]
[john actually has the audacity to scoff at that, barely stopping himself from rolling his eye. they were all soldiers, at any given moment one of them could die from something as simple as a stray bullet in a routine fire-fight.
and, if he's being honest with himself, john's the only one who has a problem letting go.] Who, exactly? You wouldn't. [because kaz had made it clear that, even if they worked together here in the cave, they would never be what they were before. no matter what he said or explained, they were done.] My men have probably already sent word to Ocelot that I'm gone.
[and if ocelot mourned his disappearance, it wouldn't be in the normal way that normal people might. at least, john thought so. when he made off into the night in 1971, after leaving the patriots, ocelot had only buried his head into his own work.] All that's left for me is Outer Heaven and stopping Zero.
[ It's true that Kaz had been taking a gamble each and every time he had sent "the Boss" out into the field. There had always been the chance that he wouldn't make it back, and that had been the case with Venom too. But he'd ended up having faith in both of them, his impassioned words meant to help them through even the toughest scrapes.
Snake doesn't hesitate to call him out on the fact that he isn't supposed to care anymore, that his death shouldn't mean a goddamn thing. That he should have been celebrating the news, and should have cursed Hope when Snake ended up being resurrected.
If only it was that easy to bury all those old feelings.
Kaz finds his gaze falling to his lap, and he stays quite for far too long before he remembers he's got to say something. ] Sounds like a pretty lonely life. All that's left for me now is getting revenge. [ Everything good they built had been burned to the ground, scattered to the sea. Kaz had thought he was the only one who'd really been crippled by what happened, but maybe it had been unfair of him to assume that. ]
[kaz is quiet for way too long for john to feel comfortable. he had always been the loudest one in the room back in MSF, never one to shy away even if what came out of his mouth wasn't exactly the truth. sure, he had obviously become more subdued in the nine years they hadn't seen each other, but it was still kaz.
then again, he wasn't the one who had been around kaz in his day-to-day on the new motherbase. at this point, venom probably knew the man better than he did. either way, it feels like he's missing something.
it's almost he's torn up about snake accusing him of not caring.] It doesn't...have to be like that here.
[here, there wasn't any cipher for miller to hound after. here, there wasn't the ever present threat of zero's unification of the world in the back of john's mind. here, they just had to survive to the next day and keep trying to escape.] We can put that on hold. [john misses his friend.]
[ From the moment that Kaz had decided to come over here and return Big Boss' weapons, his plan had been to admit that they were better off working as a team here. Not because they were friends anymore, but because if they pooled their skills they'd have a better chance of living through all this and getting back to where they belonged.
Kaz can't help but wonder why he's so desperate to get back when all that's waiting for him is a long, bloody road to hell, but it isn't something he can simply abandon either.
Putting it on hold is more or less how he'd wanted to describe it, so it kind of feels like Snake's unintentionally stolen his thunder. Kaz twists his mouth as he looks at him, still not able to put into words how he feels about this man. ]
It's the logical thing to do. We already know what we can accomplish together, and right now, we want the same thing. [ The implication being that that's not the case back home. Kaz shakes his head back and forth twice, quickly. ] But this doesn't change anything when we get back, just so we're clear. [ That may be a lie, but for now, Kaz has to tell it. ]
[this is enough. john hadn't been expecting any apologies or admittance that everyone had been in the wrong. he wasn't delusional. hell, honestly, he wasn't even expecting kaz to admit that putting things aside, for now, would only behoove them. after all, john knew the extent which his former second-in-command's hard-headedness could reach.
miller's reason for actually coming up was plain from the moment he suggested he bring john's weapons, but actually following through with it? he was serious.
and to think, boss had been ready to accept the blame for everything. not that he actually believe it was his fault, but he knew that would be what kaz wanted to hear. if it prevented his old friend from being out of his realm of influence and under someone else's, john would bend a knee to whatever ridiculous request miller could think of.]
Fine. [is all he says. he doesn't extend his hand forward to shake on it or does any other informal, acceptance gestures. no matter what, this is a step in the right direction. big boss was patient, after all.] You didn't have to climb seven flights of stairs to tell me that. [what he actually means is, you didn't need to see me.]
[ It's not something they need to shake on. There's no need to make it that official, especially because Kaz can't promise that the tides won't shift again, even within Hadriel. It's difficult to process how he feels about this. It's the right choice strategically, but is he glad to be partnered with Big Boss again?
This is what he'd always wanted, what he'd yearned for during those nine long years. Now that he has it, the whole thing is pretty anticlimactic. An example of too little, too late.
Big Boss' remark causes him to shrug his one good shoulder and shake his head. ] No, but after that stunt you pulled, I needed to see you. [ A pause, during which he looks away, and he adds: ] I saw your corpse.
[ As far as he's concerned, that should explain it. But then his head whips back up to Big Boss, voice full of that passion he's so well-known for. ] And my first condition as your sub-commander is that you never pull a stunt like that again. [ Idiot. ]
[alright, so, yeah, he gets how shocking it is to see someone you knew cold and gone. he's seen it so many times, too many times, that he knows he's one more dead friend away from doing something drastic. even the thought of it makes him a little ill.
still, though, he didn't think it would've affected kaz that much. after all, the man was kind of... vindictive. even before their falling out, he had been like that. john thought, at the least, he would've derived some kind of pleasure from seeing big boss done in by his own foolish hand.] You come with conditions now?
[despite himself, john kind of smiles. more like a quirk of his lips, a huff of breath that might have been a fond sigh in another life.] I'm not going to say I won't die, but... I promise I won't be the one that causes it again.
[ It had come as just as much of a shock to Kaz when he hadn't reacted to the news of Big Boss' death with some sense of triumph. There's a number of different reasons why that hadn't been the case, and he doesn't need to lay them all out to anyone, not even himself. He doesn't think Snake has earned much in the way of explanations from him, given how he'd failed to provide that after his escape from the hospital.
He'd thought he was in on it, Kaz reminds himself, but it's not a good enough excuse for him.
Kaz spots that smile, but doesn't mirror it. He's pretty sure those muscles in his face have atrophied, replaced with frown lines. ] I came with a lot of conditions when we first met too, I'll remind you. [ No one can completely prevent his own death, so that promise is the best he can expect. Kaz nods, then straightens in his seat on the couch.
He feels the distinct lack of a clipboard, but anyway... ] So, let's talk strategy. I think we need to look into utilizing the skills of the other captives here. We're a stronger force than the gods in pure numbers. [ This is easier, something without emotion, something he's comfortable with. ]
[oh, he remembered. he remembered everything about how they met. but he doesn't dwell on it, as fond as the memories continue to be. this isn't the time and he doubts kaz really wants to hear about it.
where kaz straightens as he gets down to business, john uncrosses his arms, puts a hand on his hip as he relaxes. he continues to stand across from where miller is sitting, simply because he's on the only couch and john doubts he wants to be sitting close together. big boss can practically see the clipboard in his former second's hands.]
Great idea, but... Getting these people here to do anything together is like herding cats. Others, including me, have suggested banding together. Didn't happen. [never mind there was the matter of finding the gods. they were never at their temples, never anywhere near those who had been brought here.] And there's only going to be more.
[ Some people might have been annoyed by Big Boss' insistence to remain standing, but Kaz barely notices it. It had often been the same way back at Mother Base, thinking back on it. Snake has always been a man of action, waiting for the next excuse to hop into their chopper and head out on an op. Taking a load off isn't something that comes easily to him.
When Big Boss offers his pessimistic view, Kaz scoffs and shakes his head. ] That's probably because those people weren't going about it the right way. A lot of people volunteered to help with digging up those who were buried. They might need some pushing in the right direction, but if we get people split into teams and everyone understands what their jobs are, we could make some real progress here.
[ Actual escape might be a long way off, but learning how to work as one cohesive force would be a step in the right direction.
After a brief pause, Kaz tilts his head at Snake, his tone half-confusion and half-challenge. ] You were never the type to give up on anything that easy. What's with the defeatist attitude? [ It'd be great to get an admittance that Snake isn't as effective without him, but Kaz isn't delusional. ]
[john understands where kaz is trying to go with this, but people leaping to their friends and loved ones aid isn't exactly inspiring. after all, he knew the lengths to which people would go to for others they cared about. he was a prime example. did that mean they would risk themselves for people they had never or would never know?
john wasn't sure. could their fellow kidnappees band together for a cause they had no personal stake in? could they follow through on something that might not have an immediate reward after?
but he's not going to argue. let kaz have his chance to prove big boss wrong.] I guess I just don't have much experience with people who aren't military. [somewhat untrue. he had trained others to follow orders, but those budding fighters had wanted to learn. you can lead a horse to water, etc. etc.]
There are a few people I trust here. They would support your idea.
[ The way Kaz sees it, they all want the same thing in the end, and that's to get home. It would be stupid for them not to pool their efforts and do whatever it took to get back to where they came from.
(It's occurred to him that he doesn't have much waiting for him back there now that Skull Face has been put down, but he can't shake the fact that he needs to return all the same. He isn't done yet.)
At Snake's uncertainty about civilians, Kaz shrugs as best as he can. ] There's still a lot of fighting to be done here. I'm sure you'll figure it out.
[ Trust isn't something that Big Boss gives out easily, so that comment alone is enough to grab Kaz's interest. He leans forward and then takes a look around the living area. ] Do you have any paper? And something to write with?
If you just want their names, I can do better than that. [john motions for kaz to stay where he is, though he's sure the man isn't going to rush to jump after him. still, though, he doesn't want miller to know all of his secrets.
big boss makes his way to his bedroom and disappears into it for a minute to retrieve what he's looking for. since he's arrived in hadriel, john has made sure to keep detailed notes on anything of interest: including the people that lived there. he fishes a thick book from underneath his mattress and opens it: the bulk of the pages have been hacked away to create a storage area. there's dossiers on everyone he's come across (and some he's read up on using the network) in there, folded pages stacked carefully to create as much space as possible. he takes a couple, puts everything back, and walks back out to he living room.]
Here. Dossiers. [john places the pages down on the table. they're obviously torn from the backs of various books at the library, considering the different sizes and colors of each page.]
[ It's a little bit dramatic, the way that Big Boss disappears into his room without any real explanation, but Miller has to admit that he's used to that. He leans himself back against the couch, not quite getting comfortable but taking a look around the immediate area while he has the chance. There isn't much to it, but there are small touches that make this place undeniably Snake's. A backpack sitting near the door, no doubt packed with survival gear, for instance.
When Big Boss returns, Kaz leans forward to look over the carefully put-together pages, picking them up to place them into his lap instead. ] Someone's been doing their homework. [ Not that Kaz should expect any different. When Snake wants to be thorough about something, he really goes all the way. ]
Too bad there isn't a Xerox machine around here, huh? [ He'd like to look this all over in some more detail, but he knows taking the sheets back to his place with him probably won't fly. ]
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Whatever bad blood there is between them, he's going to have to forget about it until they find their way home. It's a bitter pill to swallow, but even Kaz has to admit that they're better off banding together against these gods.
The trip takes longer than it should, but he makes the hike and even works his way up those flights of stairs, his success mainly due to the presence of a railing he can cling to. By the time he makes it to Snake's door, he's short of breath and looking haggard. He leans against the door frame and closes his eyes. ]
Would it have been so hard to pick a room on the ground level?
[ He's not entirely sure where Big Boss is in the apartment, but he speaks loud enough to be heard. ]
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after all, kaz could just nix the whole thing. stick to his guns, be stubborn, make things difficult. neither of them need that right now.
but then he hears the uneven gait drifting up the stairs and knows the sound can only belong to one person. by the time kaz is at the seventh floor, john disappears into the kitchen and comes back out with a glass of water.]
It's too much to keep an eye on.
[he puts the glass on a table near the couch, stands there waiting for kaz to come inside. it's john's way of giving him one final out. after all, he forced himself up seven flights of stairs. if he really is serious about burying this thing between them (even temporarily), a few more steps to the couch will seal the deal.]
If I knew you were coming, I would've.
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Big Boss wanders out holding a cup of water, looking as if nothing ever happened. Kaz remains where he is for a few seconds and simply stares, tracks every motion, registers every shift in Snake's voice. He, of all people, would be able to pick out a fake, and this isn't that. ]
You could move.
[ But he won't, Kaz knows. Too paranoid for that kind of thing.
A few more seconds and he finally pushes off of the door frame, leaning on his cane as he makes his way to the couch and then falls onto it. Snake's couch, in Snake's apartment. They may be temporary lodgings, but this is a symbolic move and he's going to have to explain himself.
Frowning, he reaches out for the water, downs about half the glass in one go, and then sets it down again.
At which point he look Big Boss right in the face, and blurts out: ] What the hell were you thinking?
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[because as much as john is a believer that no soldier should let an injury hamper them, he can't say he'd have a better time climbing those stairs were he in kaz's place. and if they're going to be working together, they should at least be in the same spire.
plus, you know, he had grown so used to living in a place surrounded by other people that living up on the seventh floor in the spire just didn't feel right. unfortunately, they were the only rooms that were one bedroom. small, easy to fend off anything that might attack him.
anyway. he gives kaz a moment to collect himself, shuts the door to the place so no prying ears could drop in. he's headed back to where his friend is sitting when he gets hit with that question.]
What do you mean?
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With an annoyed grunt, Kaz flips open his coat and pulls out first Big Boss' knife, in the sheath, which he tosses onto the table. Next is his gun, which he sets down with a little more care. ]
Don't play dumb, Snake. [ He looks up as Big Boss walks back over, his mouth tight and his brow knit above his aviators. ] Kerrigan told me that the coffin had been slashed open. What happened to you wasn't some accident.
[ It's not like either of them could have helped that helicopter crash, but this had been deliberate. Kaz would have thought that after spending nine years in a coma, Snake would have been a little more cautious. So much for that. ]
no subject
when his weapons are placed on the table, he regards them like long, lost friends. the knife is relatively new compared to the m1911, which is close to 20 years old. a present from the same person who had given him their prized triumph motorcycle.
it's easier to think about the knife and the gun than kaz's accusation. mechanically, he secures the knife to belt, movements second-nature. the gun he gives a cursory glance over, flashing a glance the blond's way before:]
Pain gets the better of us all.
[it's all he offers in the way of explanations before he draws the slide of the pistol back, ejects the round in the chamber to make sure everything's still in working condition. that he's still in working condition.]
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(At one point, he'd found it enduring. That a man could treat tools of destruction like precious mementos.)
That answer, though, completely blindsides him. Pain gets the better of us all. It's not often that Big Boss admits to anything emotional about himself, let alone being in pain. Kaz can guess that being stuck in that coffin had been hellish, but is it really in Snake's personality to try and find some other way out?
He has to wonder if it had reminded him of the AI pod.
Kaz bows his head and clenches his jaw, filled with anger for reasons he can't quite explain. ] If you'd just waited, you would have been fine. [ As far as Kaz is aware, everyone else had survived the ordeal, though it's always possible someone had been missed. Still, he'd facilitated the majority of those buried being saved, and that's something he can take pride in. ]
no subject
the whole of whatever john was thinking in that coffin was between him and that pine box, but kaz isn't about to be lied to. or brushed off. he's too smart and he knows big boss better than the man himself wants to admit.]
I couldn't. [it's the truth and it's not, all at once. he's not going to start pouring out whatever races into his head just to fill the gap between them. if kaz wants answers, he'll have to ask, or yell, the right questions.]
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Kaz lifts said hand to rub at his eyes behind his sunglasses, displacing them for only a moment before they fall back into position. ]
What if the rumors had been wrong, and Hope hadn't been able to bring you back? You would have been fine with dying, just like that? In some random cave located who-knows-where?
[ No matter which way Kaz looks at it, this had been a dumb move on Big Boss' part. Maybe he'd really been that desperate to end it all in that moment, but it still strikes him as an unexpected sign of weakness. ]
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and the irrational part of his brain, the part that had done all the thinking for him down there, told him that no one would come for him.] Yeah. There's contingency plans in place for if I die or disappear, so it doesn't matter if I had.
[ocelot and venom would've picked up his slack. outer heaven would have still happened. there world would've continued spinning without him.]
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Are you capable of not thinking about your "grand plan" for a second? [ It might seem hypocritical coming from someone like Kaz, who always has the finish line in mind, but at least he also has some emotional intelligence. (Maybe too much of it, according to some.)
He shakes his head vehemently. ] It's not about that. Did you stop and think about the people who would grieve your death? Not because of any foiled plans, but because they valued you as a person? [ Kaz isn't talking about himself, of course. That ship has sailed. But people such as Ocelot would have been deeply affected by Big Boss' death. Not that Kaz really cares what Ocelot's put through, either. It's the principle of the matter. ]
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and, if he's being honest with himself, john's the only one who has a problem letting go.] Who, exactly? You wouldn't. [because kaz had made it clear that, even if they worked together here in the cave, they would never be what they were before. no matter what he said or explained, they were done.] My men have probably already sent word to Ocelot that I'm gone.
[and if ocelot mourned his disappearance, it wouldn't be in the normal way that normal people might. at least, john thought so. when he made off into the night in 1971, after leaving the patriots, ocelot had only buried his head into his own work.] All that's left for me is Outer Heaven and stopping Zero.
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Snake doesn't hesitate to call him out on the fact that he isn't supposed to care anymore, that his death shouldn't mean a goddamn thing. That he should have been celebrating the news, and should have cursed Hope when Snake ended up being resurrected.
If only it was that easy to bury all those old feelings.
Kaz finds his gaze falling to his lap, and he stays quite for far too long before he remembers he's got to say something. ] Sounds like a pretty lonely life. All that's left for me now is getting revenge. [ Everything good they built had been burned to the ground, scattered to the sea. Kaz had thought he was the only one who'd really been crippled by what happened, but maybe it had been unfair of him to assume that. ]
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then again, he wasn't the one who had been around kaz in his day-to-day on the new motherbase. at this point, venom probably knew the man better than he did. either way, it feels like he's missing something.
it's almost he's torn up about snake accusing him of not caring.] It doesn't...have to be like that here.
[here, there wasn't any cipher for miller to hound after. here, there wasn't the ever present threat of zero's unification of the world in the back of john's mind. here, they just had to survive to the next day and keep trying to escape.] We can put that on hold. [john misses his friend.]
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Kaz can't help but wonder why he's so desperate to get back when all that's waiting for him is a long, bloody road to hell, but it isn't something he can simply abandon either.
Putting it on hold is more or less how he'd wanted to describe it, so it kind of feels like Snake's unintentionally stolen his thunder. Kaz twists his mouth as he looks at him, still not able to put into words how he feels about this man. ]
It's the logical thing to do. We already know what we can accomplish together, and right now, we want the same thing. [ The implication being that that's not the case back home. Kaz shakes his head back and forth twice, quickly. ] But this doesn't change anything when we get back, just so we're clear. [ That may be a lie, but for now, Kaz has to tell it. ]
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miller's reason for actually coming up was plain from the moment he suggested he bring john's weapons, but actually following through with it? he was serious.
and to think, boss had been ready to accept the blame for everything. not that he actually believe it was his fault, but he knew that would be what kaz wanted to hear. if it prevented his old friend from being out of his realm of influence and under someone else's, john would bend a knee to whatever ridiculous request miller could think of.]
Fine. [is all he says. he doesn't extend his hand forward to shake on it or does any other informal, acceptance gestures. no matter what, this is a step in the right direction. big boss was patient, after all.] You didn't have to climb seven flights of stairs to tell me that. [what he actually means is, you didn't need to see me.]
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This is what he'd always wanted, what he'd yearned for during those nine long years. Now that he has it, the whole thing is pretty anticlimactic. An example of too little, too late.
Big Boss' remark causes him to shrug his one good shoulder and shake his head. ] No, but after that stunt you pulled, I needed to see you. [ A pause, during which he looks away, and he adds: ] I saw your corpse.
[ As far as he's concerned, that should explain it. But then his head whips back up to Big Boss, voice full of that passion he's so well-known for. ] And my first condition as your sub-commander is that you never pull a stunt like that again. [ Idiot. ]
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still, though, he didn't think it would've affected kaz that much. after all, the man was kind of... vindictive. even before their falling out, he had been like that. john thought, at the least, he would've derived some kind of pleasure from seeing big boss done in by his own foolish hand.] You come with conditions now?
[despite himself, john kind of smiles. more like a quirk of his lips, a huff of breath that might have been a fond sigh in another life.] I'm not going to say I won't die, but... I promise I won't be the one that causes it again.
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He'd thought he was in on it, Kaz reminds himself, but it's not a good enough excuse for him.
Kaz spots that smile, but doesn't mirror it. He's pretty sure those muscles in his face have atrophied, replaced with frown lines. ] I came with a lot of conditions when we first met too, I'll remind you. [ No one can completely prevent his own death, so that promise is the best he can expect. Kaz nods, then straightens in his seat on the couch.
He feels the distinct lack of a clipboard, but anyway... ] So, let's talk strategy. I think we need to look into utilizing the skills of the other captives here. We're a stronger force than the gods in pure numbers. [ This is easier, something without emotion, something he's comfortable with. ]
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where kaz straightens as he gets down to business, john uncrosses his arms, puts a hand on his hip as he relaxes. he continues to stand across from where miller is sitting, simply because he's on the only couch and john doubts he wants to be sitting close together. big boss can practically see the clipboard in his former second's hands.]
Great idea, but... Getting these people here to do anything together is like herding cats. Others, including me, have suggested banding together. Didn't happen. [never mind there was the matter of finding the gods. they were never at their temples, never anywhere near those who had been brought here.] And there's only going to be more.
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When Big Boss offers his pessimistic view, Kaz scoffs and shakes his head. ] That's probably because those people weren't going about it the right way. A lot of people volunteered to help with digging up those who were buried. They might need some pushing in the right direction, but if we get people split into teams and everyone understands what their jobs are, we could make some real progress here.
[ Actual escape might be a long way off, but learning how to work as one cohesive force would be a step in the right direction.
After a brief pause, Kaz tilts his head at Snake, his tone half-confusion and half-challenge. ] You were never the type to give up on anything that easy. What's with the defeatist attitude? [ It'd be great to get an admittance that Snake isn't as effective without him, but Kaz isn't delusional. ]
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john wasn't sure. could their fellow kidnappees band together for a cause they had no personal stake in? could they follow through on something that might not have an immediate reward after?
but he's not going to argue. let kaz have his chance to prove big boss wrong.] I guess I just don't have much experience with people who aren't military. [somewhat untrue. he had trained others to follow orders, but those budding fighters had wanted to learn. you can lead a horse to water, etc. etc.]
There are a few people I trust here. They would support your idea.
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(It's occurred to him that he doesn't have much waiting for him back there now that Skull Face has been put down, but he can't shake the fact that he needs to return all the same. He isn't done yet.)
At Snake's uncertainty about civilians, Kaz shrugs as best as he can. ] There's still a lot of fighting to be done here. I'm sure you'll figure it out.
[ Trust isn't something that Big Boss gives out easily, so that comment alone is enough to grab Kaz's interest. He leans forward and then takes a look around the living area. ] Do you have any paper? And something to write with?
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big boss makes his way to his bedroom and disappears into it for a minute to retrieve what he's looking for. since he's arrived in hadriel, john has made sure to keep detailed notes on anything of interest: including the people that lived there. he fishes a thick book from underneath his mattress and opens it: the bulk of the pages have been hacked away to create a storage area. there's dossiers on everyone he's come across (and some he's read up on using the network) in there, folded pages stacked carefully to create as much space as possible. he takes a couple, puts everything back, and walks back out to he living room.]
Here. Dossiers. [john places the pages down on the table. they're obviously torn from the backs of various books at the library, considering the different sizes and colors of each page.]
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When Big Boss returns, Kaz leans forward to look over the carefully put-together pages, picking them up to place them into his lap instead. ] Someone's been doing their homework. [ Not that Kaz should expect any different. When Snake wants to be thorough about something, he really goes all the way. ]
Too bad there isn't a Xerox machine around here, huh? [ He'd like to look this all over in some more detail, but he knows taking the sheets back to his place with him probably won't fly. ]
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