[text] there is water at the bottom of the ocean

[nonscriptum]

[Originally, it started out as a well-meaning adventurous foray for personal edification, yadda, yadda, yadda. Time moves so slowly in Hadriel that Nate has been clawing at ways to occupy it, and since he's exhausted the library of any texts that aren't in gibberish it stands to reason he might seek personal fulfillment elsewhere. After waking up with the usual restlessness he considered the wide expanse of lakeside real estate out his window and thought, yeah, a swim sounds nice.

The swim was less than nice.

Several minor explosions and some (honestly) impressive spell-work later sees him soaked to the skin but otherwise unscathed outside of minor lacerations on one arm - there's really only so much you can do when trying to evade a shark with two fucking heads - scribbling quickly in a notebook with the sort of fervor reserved for the truly mad. Lake-adjacent, blessedly on the shore with a towel slung around bare shoulders, he quickly snaps a photograph of his work with his phone and hits SEND TO ALL.

The message is as follows:]

does anyone know what the hell this is
i found it at the bottom of the lake

Attachment: [monster.jpg]

p.s. don't go swimming in the lake

Comments

text;

[nonscriptum]

giant crabs forced jimmy buffett to live out his days on a beach. makes sense.

can't recommend avoiding the sharktopus enough, but i did have help there from some magicians

text;

[weedbgon]

didn't lose any arms or anything then right? take it from a verifiable source its a huge pain. if you did you gotta learn to pick better magicians.

text;

[nonscriptum]

nothing that won't heal in a couple weeks

and the magicians weren't bad, actually, i'd be chum without them
do you know a pair of elves whose personalities walk into a room before they do?

text;

[weedbgon]

i'd offer some healing magic but that's pretty tapped out at the source these days. not dying is a pretty good look though.

i think i only know two elves period. so if it wasn't taako and lup i sure missed the memo on the elf population down here.

[ lbr he could've met a different elf thirty minutes ago and forgotten about them already. ]

text;

[nonscriptum]

wait are you a magician too??

no, that's them
they're.........something

text;

[weedbgon]

nope. cleric of pan! assuming he ever gets back to me on that. religious magic is a tough game.

oh they're assholes don't worry. i know them about as well as i know anyone. fun though! and pretty reliable.

text;

[nonscriptum]

uh. yeah i can imagine.

[Pan, as in, The Pan? Satyr? Plays the pipes? Gets jiggy with all the naiads and dryads? Hosts cool parties?]

well they helped me out today by blowing up some sharks so i think they're all right

text;

[weedbgon]

[ what other deity is even worth looking at. GOAT LEGS. COOL BEARD. anyway i've been running on the assumption that the network auto-IDs posters but like. if that's not how it works i can edit to accommodate ]

oh good! that's good! i thought you guys might get along. but that kinda went with the assumption that you didn't take a big personality hit once everyone got their memories patched up so.

i wasnt putting money on it exactly.

text;

[nonscriptum]

[nah it's cool my dude]

gee thanks, pops

[Can you feel Nate's shit-eating grin. Can you feel it.]

text;

[weedbgon]

[ he can and it's kinda weird to realize he can. ]

hey i'm the supportive type. just one of my many impressive skills

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[nonscriptum]

you'll be happy to know i'm still climbing buildings, then

[A recklessness which should be evident based on the impetus for Nate's public transmission in the first place.]

so what exactly does a cleric do? preach the good word?

text;

[weedbgon]

oh. nice.

that's about the idea for clerics! worship a god, get magic powers for healing and stuff. preaching the good word's probably kinda optional if you've got your worship down but it'd be a shame if i let this xtreme teen bible go to waste back home.

1/3

[nonscriptum]

fair enough

2/3

[nonscriptum]

wait

[Hold on, he's laughing too hard.]

3/3

[nonscriptum]

your version of the good book is called the "xtreme teen bible"?????

[weedbgon]

the version that i HAVE, yes. there are a lot of pan purists out there. i think its good to update! keep things fresh!

so i got it at fantasy costco a while back. and its been great for spellwork! maybe not so much for youth outreach, but its still good!

[nonscriptum]

that's the freshest thing i've ever heard

...what makes a costco a fantasy costco
do they sell enchanted crates of oreos?

[weedbgon]

i dunno its called fantasy costco. taako got a pretty cool sword there once. magical items, cheerwine, all the usual supplies. never heard of a NONfantasy costco though, whats that like?

[nonscriptum]

[Cheerwine? Hell yeah.]

it's like a big building full of shelves where you buy everything in bulk

cookies, cheese, cheerwine, televisions, aspirin, you name it

[weedbgon]

that sounds way too powerful to mess with

i wish we had one. bulk cheese! the cow power that must go into setting that up huh?

[nonscriptum]

you could buy a pallet of hot chocolate and a fuzzy robe

what more could you want

[weedbgon]

bulk fertilizer

[nonscriptum]

...okay, i'll bite

WHY?

[weedbgon]

i mean fertilizers the fuzzy robe and hot chocolate for plants really

you gotta pamper your garden. you gotta cherish it.