Richie Tozier (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
trashmouths) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
hadriel2017-10-25 03:56 pm
trashmouths) wrote in hadriel2017-10-25 03:56 pm
1st chuck; video
[The camera opens to two newcomers who might already seem familiar--Richie, with his absurdly large and extremely magnified glasses, and Eddie, the kid with the cast. Richie speaks first, naturally, and clears his throat in the most dramatic way he can muster. From the looks of it, they’re in one of the apartments.]
Okay. So. There’s this zoo, and in the zoo, there’s this elephant.
Wait, what? [ To his credit, Eddie’s already looking unimpressed. A new record.] Richie, no, no-one wants to hear about the elephant -
--I’m warming them up. Okay, There’s this elephant, and one day, he goes up to the camel, right? And the elephant, he says ‘Hey, camel, why do you have two boobs on your back?’ [ He adjusts his glasses, leaning forward: ] And the camel, he replies, ‘that’s a stupid question coming from someone who has a dick on his face!’
Ugh. For fuck sake, Richie. We’re meant to be telling them about the clown and shit, not listening to your stupid jokes. I should have known better, if you do that again I’m going to turn this thing off.. Are we going to tell them about the horror story from the sewers or what?
Alright. Alright, alright. But did you hear about how they made the clown’s shoes?
I swear Richie, this is important, people can get eaten and you’re making shitty jokes. That’s it how do you turn this thing off? [ And yup, Eddie’s already squinting at the camera, looking for an obvious off button.]
It was no small feat! [ Richie’s response? Smack Eddie away from the camera and nearly shove him off in the process. ] What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
[ Eddie takes that smack with a bit of dignity, only to lose the last shred of it as he hits Richie back for it.] No-one cares, all you’re doing is making yourself look seriously uncool. The point, Richie, we need to get to the point before they feed us to the trees for your bad jokes.
[ Richie, completely undisturbed, licks his finger. ] One’s a GoodYear and one’s a great year! [ And that wet finger? Straight to Eddie’s ear in retaliation for that smack. ]
[ That is one of the most disgusting things Eddie could experience. Apologies Hadriel, this kid has had it and all he can do is yelp, flinch away and then hit Richie harder for his sins. Richie falls, howling with laughter, and so does the camera being held in his hand--and there’s a thunk and a crack as Richie obviously lands poorly, and the laughter abruptly stops. The camera launches forward, being thrown, and hits Eddie square between the eyes by means of shutting off. If anyone’s still listening by this point, Richie’s voice screaming fuck you is the last thing heard. ]
Okay. So. There’s this zoo, and in the zoo, there’s this elephant.
Wait, what? [ To his credit, Eddie’s already looking unimpressed. A new record.] Richie, no, no-one wants to hear about the elephant -
--I’m warming them up. Okay, There’s this elephant, and one day, he goes up to the camel, right? And the elephant, he says ‘Hey, camel, why do you have two boobs on your back?’ [ He adjusts his glasses, leaning forward: ] And the camel, he replies, ‘that’s a stupid question coming from someone who has a dick on his face!’
Ugh. For fuck sake, Richie. We’re meant to be telling them about the clown and shit, not listening to your stupid jokes. I should have known better, if you do that again I’m going to turn this thing off.. Are we going to tell them about the horror story from the sewers or what?
Alright. Alright, alright. But did you hear about how they made the clown’s shoes?
I swear Richie, this is important, people can get eaten and you’re making shitty jokes. That’s it how do you turn this thing off? [ And yup, Eddie’s already squinting at the camera, looking for an obvious off button.]
It was no small feat! [ Richie’s response? Smack Eddie away from the camera and nearly shove him off in the process. ] What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
[ Eddie takes that smack with a bit of dignity, only to lose the last shred of it as he hits Richie back for it.] No-one cares, all you’re doing is making yourself look seriously uncool. The point, Richie, we need to get to the point before they feed us to the trees for your bad jokes.
[ Richie, completely undisturbed, licks his finger. ] One’s a GoodYear and one’s a great year! [ And that wet finger? Straight to Eddie’s ear in retaliation for that smack. ]
[ That is one of the most disgusting things Eddie could experience. Apologies Hadriel, this kid has had it and all he can do is yelp, flinch away and then hit Richie harder for his sins. Richie falls, howling with laughter, and so does the camera being held in his hand--and there’s a thunk and a crack as Richie obviously lands poorly, and the laughter abruptly stops. The camera launches forward, being thrown, and hits Eddie square between the eyes by means of shutting off. If anyone’s still listening by this point, Richie’s voice screaming fuck you is the last thing heard. ]
video;
Why does he have to explain condoms with the good-looking queen? What is his life? This is the most mortifying thing ever. It's almost even stevens with falling over into grey water.]
Uh.
No. No. I mean.
[ Sweats.]
video;
That about covers it, right, lady?
[ Still doesn't believe she's a queen. ]
Re: video;
No. Where are they worn? And how?
video;
Except not.
Eddie wonders how much of a swift death he can wish upon himself.]
We're not really old enough to be having this conversation so.... I mean it's something for men anyway.
video;
All right, I suppose I'll just have to ask someone else. [like the community as a whole] And it's for men? Where I'm from, all of the burden for preventing a pregnancy is on the woman.
video;
[ Hello, he's here for all your inappropriate explanations. He grins. ]
video;
[...she comes from a society that's been technologically stagnant for the last THOUSAND YEARS, you're going to have to be more specific. /innocent look]
video;
Good luck, this one is on you.
video;