1st chuck; video

[trashmouths]

[The camera opens to two newcomers who might already seem familiar--Richie, with his absurdly large and extremely magnified glasses, and Eddie, the kid with the cast. Richie speaks first, naturally, and clears his throat in the most dramatic way he can muster. From the looks of it, they’re in one of the apartments.]

Okay. So. There’s this zoo, and in the zoo, there’s this elephant.

Wait, what? [ To his credit, Eddie’s already looking unimpressed. A new record.] Richie, no, no-one wants to hear about the elephant -

--I’m warming them up. Okay, There’s this elephant, and one day, he goes up to the camel, right? And the elephant, he says ‘Hey, camel, why do you have two boobs on your back?’ [ He adjusts his glasses, leaning forward: ] And the camel, he replies, ‘that’s a stupid question coming from someone who has a dick on his face!’

Ugh. For fuck sake, Richie. We’re meant to be telling them about the clown and shit, not listening to your stupid jokes. I should have known better, if you do that again I’m going to turn this thing off.. Are we going to tell them about the horror story from the sewers or what?

Alright. Alright, alright. But did you hear about how they made the clown’s shoes?

I swear Richie, this is important, people can get eaten and you’re making shitty jokes. That’s it how do you turn this thing off? [ And yup, Eddie’s already squinting at the camera, looking for an obvious off button.]


It was no small feat! [ Richie’s response? Smack Eddie away from the camera and nearly shove him off in the process. ] What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?

[ Eddie takes that smack with a bit of dignity, only to lose the last shred of it as he hits Richie back for it.] No-one cares, all you’re doing is making yourself look seriously uncool. The point, Richie, we need to get to the point before they feed us to the trees for your bad jokes.

[ Richie, completely undisturbed, licks his finger. ] One’s a GoodYear and one’s a great year! [ And that wet finger? Straight to Eddie’s ear in retaliation for that smack. ]

[ That is one of the most disgusting things Eddie could experience. Apologies Hadriel, this kid has had it and all he can do is yelp, flinch away and then hit Richie harder for his sins. Richie falls, howling with laughter, and so does the camera being held in his hand--and there’s a thunk and a crack as Richie obviously lands poorly, and the laughter abruptly stops. The camera launches forward, being thrown, and hits Eddie square between the eyes by means of shutting off. If anyone’s still listening by this point, Richie’s voice screaming fuck you is the last thing heard. ]

Comments

[Video]

[roseofthetyrells]

What's a tire? And for that matter, what's a condom?

video;

[multivitamins]

[ No, Margaery no, this is like, stuff a Queen should know.

Or it's best not to.

Well. This is horrifying on so many levels that Eddie can't give anything but a deer in headlights look.]

Ignore anything Richie says.

video;

[claritatis]

[He didn't really notice the activity on the network. What he did notice was the yelling and cursing from the room below his. It doesn't take long to connect the two.]

If you're going to insist upon terrorising each other, would you at least do it quietly.

[It is not a request.]

video;

[trashmouths]

Yeah, Eddie, shut the fuck up.

video

[evocation]

[Hey look, it's that bratty kid Kyna has already mentally adopted, torturing some other kid. Somehow she's not surprised.]

Richie, you're like, five. How do you know what a condom is? And what's going to eat us?

[That second question is posed more to Eddie, since she's assuming she's not going to get a useful answer out of Richie after that dig.]

video

[trashmouths]

I'm 13, what the hell! [ HE DOESNT NEED THIS FROM YOU, KYNA, HE TRUSTED YOU ]

video

[wantsnudes]

How vulgar. Can't you tell any jokes that are not depraved?

[Yusuke's only a few years older than them, but that's not going to stop him grouching like an old man.]

video

[trashmouths]

Uh, yeah, but they're boring, so why would I?

Voice

[sightlessly]

[Really. Matt doesn't think he'd have been a lot better if smartphones and the internet were a thing when he was these kids' ages. But wow. Okay. Trying to hear the signal (Eddie) through the noise (Richie) here.]

...what's this about a sewer clown eating people? Or is that some elaborate long game joke set up? Honestly I'm out of my league with the humor here.

video;

[multivitamins]

[ Eddie's sure to get a few more hits in before realizing someone is asking questions that are important.]

No joke. Back home, there's a monster clown that has been eating kids every twenty something years. It even turns into your worst nightmare too which is why it's best to let people know cause if that thing turns up here then it would be awful.

[Video]

[lifetothefullest]

[Okay, well, this is all pretty normal kid--teenager?--stuff and nothing Lance would be particularly concerned about other than the mention about some sort of horror story, but a little more pressing is how the video ended.]

Are you both okay?

[He just... Wants to make sure no one broke anything else or has a concussion or something.]

[Video]

[trashmouths]

I'm dying.

[ You wanted that dramatically from the floor, right? ]

[video]

[sonofacesius]

There's a fifteen year old boy with his arms crossed on the screen, looking decidedly amused at the two boys. It was almost like being back at Camp. He was 99% sure though he'd never seen those two in the Hermes cabin.]

I was actually starting to get a little homesick. Thanks guys.

[video]

[trashmouths]

[ Finally, someone not pestering them. Richie grins. ]

Right?! Good chucks, huh. You got any?

video; with my most sincere apologies

[notimpervious]

[Brennan looks wholly unimpressed.]

If you are able to make jokes about common methods of contraception, then you are old enough to learn about pregnancy.

video; oh my god i love this

[multivitamins]

!!!!

[ Oh my god what even - ]

Richie! Turn it off! Turn the phone thing off!

[Audio]

[drabsolutelynot]

If some's genitalia actually resembles elephant's trunk then they should probably have it examined. Greying and dry skin can be signs of a serious infection.

[He knows it was a joke, he's deciding to make the joke notably less appealing]

[Audio]

[trashmouths]

That's--that's not--that's not even the point of the joke.

[Video]

[requiemshark]

[For his part, Ephemera looks fairly amused.]

I see you're keeping yourselves entertained.

[Video]

[trashmouths]

Woah, what happened to your face?

[ ASKING THE BIG QUESTIONS ]

Video

[knifecollecting]

[Boys, please.]

What's this about people getting eaten?

Video

[trashmouths]

You have no appreciation for my jokes, do ya? [ Hey, it's dream-lady! He'll let Eddie actually explain. ]

[Video]

[elegant_and_proud]

There are many monsters in the caves. Are you concerned that the creature that eats people might be among them now?

[Video]

[trashmouths]

I'm not. Eddie is.

[am_i_a_monster]

People getting eaten? If that's part of your jokes, it isn't funny.

[trashmouths]

No joke, it happened. I don't think Eddie's capable of joking, huh, Eds?

[hellosirs]

[ Angus looks a bit horrified. Is this what teenagers are like, or is it just Richie? ]

Um, the stuff about the possible man-eating-clown does seem more important than condom jokes...

[trashmouths]

[ Richie throws his hands in the air, utterly defeated. Take it away, Eddie, people really don't care about good jokes in this murdercave. ]

video

[sheathes]

A clown is some sort of jester, correct? It would hardly be a great feat to create shoes for them. Any shoemaker employed by the court should be able to do so easily.

Furthermore, whatever a 'condom' may be, over three hundred seems an excessive amount. I do not understand the meaning of these jests.

[ She's from the fifth century, don't judge her too harshly. The Holy Grail didn't give her info on contraceptives. ]

video

[trashmouths]

Lady, you have a shitty sense of humour.

Gimmie some chucks! Say a joke.

[has_been_faking]

[Well ONE person here with a dumb sense of humor is entertained. He'll let that distract him from the fact about how sad it is that such young kids got dragged to this place. Ed gives Richie a few claps of genuine appreciation.]

Nice, very nice. I wish I could say the jokes distracted me from something you said about horror stories, clowns and sewers, but that's a little too weird not to notice. What's all that about?

[trashmouths]

Finally, someone appreciates my genius.

video

[demonsional]

[Hayden shouldn't be laughing but he is. He shouldn't be laughing because these jokes all almost completely went over his head. Still, it was nice just to see them being so energetic.]

I liked the one about the shoes the best!

video

[trashmouths]

That one never gets old! [ It's the yell-y demon thing! He actually really likes this guy, he's just as boistrous as he is. And anyone that he makes laugh is a good person in his book. ]

Your turn, your turn.