Dr. Lance Sweets (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
lifetothefullest) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
hadriel2017-12-12 03:21 pm
lifetothefullest) wrote in hadriel2017-12-12 03:21 pm
008 [Video]
[So the fighting may be over, but that doesn't mean everything is going to be immediately fine. Finally having the time to really think about everything that's happened, and for everything to sink in, is going to make the next few days and weeks just as much of a challenge for some here as the last have been, if not more so.
But that is, hopefully, something he can help with, if at least a little. And there are new arrivals as well, who not only had to deal with the end of the invasion but also everything that goes along with suddenly finding themselves in an entirely new world, not to mention the sudden setting change too.
So he's trying to look as composed and calm as possible, which is a bit of a struggle since--like pretty much everyone else--he's exhausted and didn't get out of the whole ordeal with the Null entirely unscathed. Compared to some people he definitely fared better, but there's still a pretty obvious bruise across his cheekbone and around his eye; it's not too serious, but the main problem is that it's also not very helpful in looking as professional and put together as he's trying to appear.
Still, he's doing his best, and he lifts his chin a little and takes a deep breath before speaking.]
If anyone is injured, or just in need of somewhere safe to rest, the hot springs and the fire station are both serving as temporary locations for the clinic. Additionally, considering the seriousness and extent of everything that's happened in the last few weeks as well as the arrival of new people, it's worth reiterating that I'm a psychologist and so if anyone wants to talk, whether about recent events or otherwise, I'm available to meet.
[A short pause.]
I'm... Not exactly sure where, since my office doesn't exist anymore, and I probably should've thought about this before making this announcement...
[That would've been good planning, if he weren't so tired and scattered, but okay, refocus--]
But that can be decided on an individual basis. Additionally, if you'd like to respond privately, you can do so.
[And he includes a brief explanation of how to make a conversation private. With all of that out of the way, he'll put a filter on the post himself and add another message.]
[Private to friends and coworkers]
I hope you're all okay, and... If anyone who wants to let me know for sure that they are, that would be great.
[He's worried about everyone. :c]
[[ooc: Anyone on the Clinic staff list or who has positive CR will be included in this filter; feel free to assume your character's included if they and Lance know each other and are on good terms!]]
But that is, hopefully, something he can help with, if at least a little. And there are new arrivals as well, who not only had to deal with the end of the invasion but also everything that goes along with suddenly finding themselves in an entirely new world, not to mention the sudden setting change too.
So he's trying to look as composed and calm as possible, which is a bit of a struggle since--like pretty much everyone else--he's exhausted and didn't get out of the whole ordeal with the Null entirely unscathed. Compared to some people he definitely fared better, but there's still a pretty obvious bruise across his cheekbone and around his eye; it's not too serious, but the main problem is that it's also not very helpful in looking as professional and put together as he's trying to appear.
Still, he's doing his best, and he lifts his chin a little and takes a deep breath before speaking.]
If anyone is injured, or just in need of somewhere safe to rest, the hot springs and the fire station are both serving as temporary locations for the clinic. Additionally, considering the seriousness and extent of everything that's happened in the last few weeks as well as the arrival of new people, it's worth reiterating that I'm a psychologist and so if anyone wants to talk, whether about recent events or otherwise, I'm available to meet.
[A short pause.]
I'm... Not exactly sure where, since my office doesn't exist anymore, and I probably should've thought about this before making this announcement...
[That would've been good planning, if he weren't so tired and scattered, but okay, refocus--]
But that can be decided on an individual basis. Additionally, if you'd like to respond privately, you can do so.
[And he includes a brief explanation of how to make a conversation private. With all of that out of the way, he'll put a filter on the post himself and add another message.]
[Private to friends and coworkers]
I hope you're all okay, and... If anyone who wants to let me know for sure that they are, that would be great.
[He's worried about everyone. :c]
[[ooc: Anyone on the Clinic staff list or who has positive CR will be included in this filter; feel free to assume your character's included if they and Lance know each other and are on good terms!]]
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That's... maybe going to be complicated.
[It's not like there isn't any underlying issue. Michael's not that self-unaware. He's had some anger problems in the past, but not for like, a decade at this point. There's no way that this much rage has nothing to do with the literal man-eating monster in his head. The glowing eye thing can't be a coincidence.]
I think maybe this is coming from somewhere else, just not the gods. Were you, uh, around me at all during the Null attack?
[A nice way of asking if he saw the screeching hellbeast.]
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[And he saw a whole lot of weirdness that he didn't really have time to question; the situation was such a chaotic mess from the start of the invasion to the finish, so anything that ended up helping the people here fight the Null just kind of got a pass from him at the time.]
I saw some sort of creature, but I can't say anything really more specific.
[As far as the subject goes, anyway; his attention had been elsewhere most of the time.]
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The big, black, bony thing, with the glowing eyes?
[He pointedly turns his very similar eyes in Lance's direction.]
That's mine, kind of. We're sort of... cohabiting.
[And now they might be cohabiting his emotions as well as his body.]
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[Lance had tried not to look at the thing too much; it was terrifying, honestly, and as much as Lance has gotten used to the sorts of events that happen here, sometimes it's just a little overwhelming. The Visitor was one of those things, and so the few times he did catch sight of it he gave it as much distance as possible.
But the point of mentioning its eyes is clear enough, especially with the rest of what Michael says, and Lance nods cautiously. Okay. Well, that's... Creepy, and not something Lance necessarily knows how to handle, but he's going to try to help as much as he can.]
Do you think that's the reason for your current difficulties? That it's the... Being cohabiting with you that's actually angry?
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I'm the one who's getting angry, because it's not over stuff that it would get angry about.
[At least he's pretty sure the Visitor wouldn't care much about a chipped mug. Unless it somehow murdered someone.]
I think they're my emotions, but it's the one overreacting. Or maybe we both are? God, I don't know. It's like the lines got blurry.
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Can the two of you communicate in any way?
[Because if so, that might make things easier.]
And do you know what calms it down? If you're able to do so, it may be easier to discern how much of the anger is coming from it and how much is your own.
[And therefore easier to develop and implement a strategy for managing it.]
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Not really. We can hear each other, but it doesn't use words. It's kind of like talking to a dog. And besides that, it's been... weirdly quiet since.
[Since he died, that is. When he hears the other question, he feels like he should be careful about answering it. He should take his time, maybe. But fuck it, everyone already knows, and he is fresh out of patience.]
I know what calms it down but you don't want to hear about it, and I don't want to do it. It's kind of what I came here to avoid, honestly.
[There, at least he made it through without saying the word "murder" even once. Lance is smart. He can read between lines, probably.]
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Alright, then unfortunately that means you're going to have to focus only on controlling your own part of things. If they're truly your emotions but it's amplifying them, then that might not be as difficult as it seems. Is there any pattern to what sort of things make you more angry than others? You said earlier that you were getting easily frustrated by even small events; is that usually the cause of the anger, or can other things bring it on as well?
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It's usually other people that make it the worst. That first day I think I broke stuff because I didn't have a handle on what was happening, but now it's when someone says something and I take it the wrong way, or they do something that would just be kind of irritating before. It just makes me want to-
[He refrains, somehow, from making the strangling gesture he was going to. In poor taste, perhaps.]
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Are you able to recognize at the time that your reaction is unusual, or only afterward?
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[It's the instability that's part of the problem. Granted there are... many parts to this problem.]
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In those latter times, is there any sort of common factor? A subject or topic, or the way someone says something, or if they press an issue beyond a certain point?
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That, yeah. If they push it too far, if they don't stop. The longer something goes on, the more I'm likely to go off. And when people try to talk down to me, it's even worse. Before, I could just ignore it, but now it's like I can't.
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[His tone isn't totally scathing, but it's still clear that he understands this struggle. He gets talked down to a lot here.]
Does it make an difference if the conversation is in text, over the phones, or in person?
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In that order, really. It's worse if we're in person, because it means I'm more likely to- Well. Do something.
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[Because at this point, in this situation, it's more important to keep things calm than to worry about manners, especially during a disagreement.]
In person it's more difficult, but leaving a conversation may be a good choice then as well. If you're already consciously concerned about the possibility of losing control in an in-person conversation, finding the motivation to leave may be easier than it sounds.
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Right, okay, I feel kind of stupid for not thinking of that before.
[It's not said with any serious self-deprecation. He doesn't really think he's an idiot, just wow, good job self.]
What if they follow me, though? Or what if the other person messages me again?
[He hasn't practiced disengaging, so he doesn't know how likely it is to happen.]
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If they message you again you can either put your phone somewhere you can't see it, or write really scathing responses that you delete instead of sending. That can be pretty therapeutic.
[Lance may or may not do that occasionally.]
As for following you, that's more of an issue. Most people aren't going to bother, especially if you make it clear you need time to calm down; just tell them you're going for a walk, and then don't come back. If they do actually continue to follow you, however, you should tell them directly that you're worried you'll lose your temper.
[And the person will then, hopefully, back off. And if they don't, they've at least been fairly warned.]
no subject
[He normally would regret saying that, but regret's not his strong suit right now. Oops. Maybe he just doesn't want to feel like he'd be the only one doing it.]
I'll try to walk away, I'll try to stop talking, but sometimes, in the moment, it's hard to think about anything else. It's like I get single-minded. Which makes sense, I guess, since that's... what it does.
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Sometimes. Writing things out, whether in that form or in a journal, can help deter hyperfocusing or obsessing over a conversation and how it makes you feel.
[Without having to deal with the consequences of actually saying it. He's quiet for a few moments at the last part, deciding how to approach the point he wants to try making.]
If it were a situation in which the person you were talking to was unstable or violent, and might be dangerous to you to react with anger toward them, do you think you could resist acting or would the single-mindedness still be too strong?
no subject
He guesses if it comes to it, he can just tell Harlan how he was planning to tell the other person off. That'll at least get it out. Unless the person he was going to tell off was Harlan.]
You mean if I thought they might hit me back, or get revenge or something?
[That's uh. A tough question to answer.
No it's not, he knows perfectly well what the truth is.]
I don't think it would have much of an effect. That's... Not an entirely new development, either. [He shouldn't be sharing this.]
Not that I normally like starting fights, I usually avoid any kind of confrontation, but I'm not really afraid of getting hurt.
no subject
Alright. What if it were to protect someone else, who you care about?
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You mean if the person I was arguing with might hurt them? I don't know, I would hope I'd be able to rein it in. But if I couldn't, I'd just... try to make sure it was directed at me instead. And if that didn't work-
[Ugh, this one's going to be a do-over too, isn't it?]
Then I guess I'd try to make sure I acted first.
[Michael averts his eyes a little. He's not sure which part is more shameful, the fact that he'd jump to violence or the fact that he's not even sure all of this is a part of his current condition. He can't think of a time he wouldn't rather himself get hurt than someone he cared about, or that he wouldn't be willing to physically put a stop to someone else trying to hurt them.]
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Although admirable that you would try to defend your friends if necessary, I was asking because an important part of anger management or avoiding obsessive behavior is recognizing when and how you control it. If, in an extreme situation, you can prevent yourself from acting on it, then you're able to do so at any time if you truly want to do so.
[Which is often encouraging to someone who truly feels out of control, because the might realize they have more control than they thought. It also, of course, calls out people using it as an excuse, but that's another issue.]
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[Yep that's not at all the point Michael thought they were making. Not that he really had any idea what the point was in the first place.]
I guess that makes sense. So if I can stop myself sometimes, then in theory, I can stop myself every time.
[Which is comforting for his current situation, but has some unfortunate implications for certain other aspects of his life. Which he should not bring up. He shouldn't. He's going to.]
What if it's less like stopping yourself and more like resisting something? If you can do it once, does that mean you can do it forever? What if the thing gets worse?
[He's getting ahead of himself a little. Without realizing it, he's started to tap his finger against his knee, rapidly. He still isn't quite meeting Lance's eyes.]
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