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[murderpotato]

ok so i know this aint like a top priority or whatever

but can somebody fuckin figure out how to close caption shit on here or something because my deaf ass aint got a fuckin clue what you assholes are saying

and you all talk too goddamn fast for me to read lips. i aint good at it yet, slow the fuck down.

Comments

[murderpotato]

im invested in not hearin you bitch about how you cant freak your boyfriend while youre a ghost skeleton

or

not hear i guess but fuckin whatever

[After about thirty seconds:]

thanks i guess

ill live or whatever

[restinglichface]

[god they are both so fucking bad with this shit]

well
hmu my man
ill be around
freaking my bf like you said

[murderpotato]

yeah great

have fun i guess

with your hot bod and i guess hot boyfriend??

i dunno ive never met him

[restinglichface]

oh absolutely
hottest guy i know
ill introduce u and ur boo to him later

[murderpotato]

hes not my whatever the fuck that is

its

its just a fuckin thing okay i dunno

[I'll take 'Shit Gren Is Terrible At' for 1000, Trebek.]

[restinglichface]

oh reeeeally?
so u dont mind if i steal him for a quick threesome
or other equally nasty shit
sweet good to know

[murderpotato]

i dont tell him what the fuck to do

[Read: I WOULD MIND THIS GREATLY.]

[restinglichface]

god even your texts sound jelly
slow your roll my man
im not gunning for your hunk

[murderpotato]

i aint fuckin jealous

wades a strong independent woman or whatever

dont need no man

[restinglichface]

sure he is
but that doesnt mean you dont want him allll to yourself
you can trust me with this info babe
im completely trustworthy
and so into this ship

[murderpotato]

i mean have you seen his ass

[Look, Wade has an ass that won't quit and no one should be able to blame Gren for wanting that for himself.]

what do boats have to fuckin do with anything

[restinglichface]

just trust me on this
if you wanna bag this guy as your one and only hunk
let cha girl give you a little help

[murderpotato]

yeah i saw what kinda help you were givin me

talkin about my fuckin balls aint exactly what id call good wingmanning

[restinglichface]

i wasnt talking about your balls!!
i dont EVER wanna talk about your balls

[murderpotato]

wingman better then

and like

[There's several minutes where Gren types and re-types to try to figure out how to word this shit. If these were iPhones, that little ellipses would be going for quite a while.]

i dont know what this deal is

its just this thing thats been goin on for a while and i dunno

i still aint told him about the thing

i dont think i fuckin should

[restinglichface]

[oh no. hes cute.]

i dunno
not to go all 'ive been married for 65 years' on you or anything
but
seems like shits gonna get out eventually no matter how you try to hide it
might be better to just like
throw it out now
before he kinda just stumbles on it
depends on how srs you wanna be

[Maybe it's hypocritical of one of the Taaco twins to tell someone else to open up in their relationship, but turning into a giant troll thing seems pretty chill compared to their issues. Just go for it!]

[murderpotato]

yeah i guess

but i mean if your squeeze fuckin came up to you and was like

hey guess what the guy you thought you were fuckin doesnt really exist and im a big ugly fuckin monster

merry fuckin christmas

are you gonna be stickin around

like im the worlds biggest fuckin catfish or whatever

[restinglichface]

ok so
how does that shit even work btw
you some kinda shapeshifter?
or is it just way advanced illusion magic
like
how??

also yeah ok it would be p fucking weird if barry showed up outta nowhere
looking like something mags had dragged inside on the bottom of his shoe
but id be more freaked out at him keeping it from me for so long
the monster part is kinda whatever
were already fucking around with the whole interspecies thing so who cares

[murderpotato]

its a glamour

i dont fuckin know how it works, i aint a witch

but if you couldnt pass for human you had to have one or your ass got shipped off to the farm. it aint an illusion, its like. a real body? so maybe its like a shapeshiftin spell in a box? i dont fuckin know how the fuck should i know

its

[The ellipses are back with a vengeance. It's another few minutes.]

i didnt tell him at the start because it didnt fuckin matter. he didnt like me we were just blowin off steam or whatever and i figured he was gonna get bored of me soon anyway

i mean lets be fuckin real be probably will anyway

but i dont know shit changed somewhere

and now its a thing and were way past the point where i probably shouldve brought this shit up and i thought if i just never brought it up it would stop bein a problem

[restinglichface]

well thats super fucked up
just like humans to think they run the whole damn show

[she's def gonna give it some thought though, and probably poke him a bit next time she sees him in public. This glamour thing sounds interesting.]

babe i hate to be the one to break this to you
but you clearly got it bad
B A D
man up and tell your beau
wades a chill guy hes not gonna give a fuck
if being an ugly ass giant monster is like the worst baggage youve got
hes just gonna be relieved

strikethroughs are things that were deleted

[murderpotato]

mundies dont know we exist and would probably try to kill us if they did

it fuckin sucks and glamours are expensive but the fuck am i supposed to do about it

[A lot of things about Fabletown suck, okay. He doesn't like it but he's kind of stuck with it. It's actually pretty weird being able to like, talk to someone who's outside of it about it, because they keep up the masquerade pretty hardcore.]

i dont got fuckin nothin bad

[Honestly, he's not even convincing himself.]

and maybe like interspecies shit aint a big deal to you but its real fuckin easy for you to say when you got the same basic shape as a human. you dont look like somethin a fuckin nightmare shit out. you dont gotta change everything about your entire goddamn body just to have people not want to fuckin murder you or to like

kiss your boyfr have someone love y jesus fucking christ i should just be fuckin alone forever god fucking dammit

fuck it

it aint as fuckin simple as just walkin in and sayin hey guess what wade im a fuckin monster and carryin on situation normal

hes gonna have questions that i dont got good answers to and im gonna have to like have the lifespan talk with him

fuck the fucking lifespan talk fuck fuck fuck

you caspered your ass out of having to do that one, i dont got that option

scratch ALL OF THIS SHIT how am i supposed to have any kind of fuckin talk with him when i cant fuckin HEAR HIM

[restinglichface]

[what the fuck did lup get herself into]

extra fucked up then
fuck that place

[wherever he was from before. it sure makes hadriel sound like a walk in the park]

jeez chill
ok maybe i dont know shit about what youve going through
or whatever the fuck is going on with wade

[that is 100% as close to a 'sorry' as he is going to get]

alright alright
so maybe hold off on the convo till you can hear again
hope'll heal up and come back to full power eventually
gives you plenty of time to figure out what you wanna do about all of this shit
figure out just what you wanna say or not say

also fyi we were together for thirty years before caspering our asses
so i fucking get it thanks
lifespan convos bite

[murderpotato]

i dont know how to chill i have zero fuckin chill okay

god fuck its just

hes got like sixty more years if im lucky? and thats nothin. ive forgot more time than hes gonna get in his whole fuckin life

jesus this is why were not supposed to mess with mundies

what do you

what did you say?

[restinglichface]

gren.
get off my ass for two seconds

[its a bit much for Lup, but his wave of worry is wigging her out.]

you want to drink?? im thinking its five o clock somewhere and cha girls ready to get hammered

[murderpotato]

[Look he can't deal with his own feelings either, Lup.]

god fuck yes

lets get shitfaced

meet me down at the fuckin bar