Chapter ~5~ [Video]

[imhisaunt]

[Today is one of those days that the loneliness that always follows just a few paces behind Delmar has caught up with him. It's for no reason in particular. It's not been a bad day, nothing specific has happened. He woke up with it wrapped around him like a blanket he can't shrug off. It's not the oppressive, sharp type of loneliness that cause a breakdown, just a quiet kind that perhaps makes that space on the other side of the bed feel that much emptier, the quiet seem heavier, or make him look that little bit older when he gazes in the mirror. 

Back home he'd escape through his television. He'd bundle himself into his favorite armchair and let himself get lost in his favorite soap opera, the romance, the drama...it'd keep him company. 

But he doesn't have something like that here, so in a small attempt to distract himself, he turns to the network. He's sitting at his kitchen table when he turns on the video and perhaps looks a little bit tired. Not ill or injured, nothing like that, but perhaps the bright and chipper Delmar just seems somewhat less vibrant today.]

Do, um, do any of you have things that...that you know you'll never get to do? 

[He's looking more at his fingers that are knotting nervously with each other than he is at the screen]

I've been so blessed since I came here. So many people have been so very nice to me.... I am so lucky with all my friends.... but, um--

[His hands shift then, palms now laying flat against the surface of the table]

--But sometimes its hard to not think about home. 

[And how none of the wonderful things he's been given here will be there when he goes back. His thoughts try to add a hopeful 'if'...if he goes back...but today the 'if' feels like the fairy stories parents tell their children] 

Comments

video;

[demonsional]

Uh-huh.

[Delmar seems sad. Hayden doesn't want to ignore Delmar being sad and instead do what he can to make him feel...less sad! But he doesn't know how to do that. So, at least, he thinks, he can show that he's here and he's listening.]

I do too. Sometimes I can't fall asleep because I think when I wake up I'll be in the bad place again. And I have bad dreams that all of my favorite people I will never get to see again, and it makes me feel...bad. I don't like these things.

[He plays with his hands, too, and chews on his fingernails.]

Was home also not much of a place that felt like a home for you, Mister Delmar? And if you are feeling in a bad way...would you like, perhaps, maybe, a company?

[imhisaunt]

[Delmar is crestfallen at the thought that little Hayden struggles with these same hurts]

You are a very insightful little boy, Hayden. You always amaze me.

[He's hesitant to go any further, worried that talking about the weight on his heart right now will only add to Hayden's troubles.]

That is kind of you, but I don't think I'll be much fun today.

[demonsional]

That's okay...people don't have to be fun all of the time. Just let me know if you want a hug and I will come and give you one like snippy snappy and whoosh!

[An instant hugging machine.]

I think if I have an insight you must have many many more! I love hearing all of your talks.

video

[evocation]

Are you saying you don't want to go home?

Re: video

[imhisaunt]

Well...I....

[He feels torn on the issue. His house that he's lived in for over 20 years, his things that he's gathered, they are familiar. Safe. And they are meaningful to him. But they are also like a small shrine to his loneliness. Meals for one. Laundry for one. Only one toothbrush on the bathroom sink. It frightens him that those things have become 'the way of life' for him.

And it frightens him to think of not remembering all the friends he has here, the ones who have taken his lonely existence and begun to make it feel vibrant and full]

...I don't know if its really a home I'd be going back to, Miss Kyna.

[evocation]

Oh.

[She's quiet for an awkward second. A few months ago, she'd say he's nuts for wanting to stay here, but now that she knows what some people are going back to, she can't blame him.]

I mean... I guess we won't be worrying about that for a while, right? Sorrow's dead and everything. But, uh... I think I know what you mean.

text.

[dedikated]

Doesn't everyone?

( She's just saying. Her life might not be bad, but the fact that she'll never get to experience the thrill of competing on the world stage, winning medals and racing, still twinges at her from time to time.

And then, there are the smaller things too. )

Audio - he still doesn't know how to text

[imhisaunt]

Oh...well...

[He actually stops to think about that]

I don't know. I've never been anyone else.

permatext.

[dedikated]

Imagine most people do. Doors shut all the time.

( How many people want to be superstars but end up having to rock the 9-5 life? )

[puzzlingly]

「Delmar... Fuck this, he's going to see him right away. So, yeah, there are a few soft knocks on his door about ten minutes after the video feed.」

[imhisaunt]

[Delmar is boiling water for tea when the knock comes. Even though he's now been here for months and he's gathered a good number of friends, it still surprises him when anyone's actually come to see him who isn't the postman or the occasional church group asking for donations.

He tries to put on a smile before he opens the door]

Hello? --Atem!

[puzzlingly]

Hey.

「He's not sure if he wants to make evident why he's there, but...」

I thought you'd... want some company.

Video

[knifecollecting]

[Jo almost doesn't respond, but he's been nice enough in the past and-

It's a good question.]

There's a lot of stuff I'll never get to do. [Whether she stays here or not.]

Re: Video

[imhisaunt]

[His expression turns from melancholic to a more overtly saddened expression]

Is there...um...is there something you wished you could do the most?

[Delmar then shakes his head]

Oh I'm so sorry. I shouldn't ask that. Please forget I said that.

[How awful of you , Delmar , he chides himself internally]

Video

[knifecollecting]

[Oh, Delmar. Don't feel bad. Jo didn't mean to make you more sad!]

I wanted to visit Europe.

[farmboyjedi]

It's the one thing I've loved about being here. Back home, I never would have met my parents...they died when I was a baby.

I do miss things at home, though. I have a wife and son, and I just hope I can see them again. And there are many who are relying on me back home...I do still want to get back to them at some point.

[imhisaunt]

A wife and a son?

[Delmar feels both a fluttering joy and an ache in his chest at the thought. He's so very happy for this man, but also so very envious. How wonderful it must be to have a family of your own]

You must miss them very much.

Video

[outofthefire]

[Laura shrugs and tries to look unconcerned]

I know I'll never get to finish high school. Not around here, anyway.

...I don't think about home that much.

[LIAR]

[imhisaunt]

But surely you'll be able to finish high school if you go back home, won't you?

[He's trying to cheer her up, though perhaps missing the mark by 100 miles]

video

[toiletseat_girl]

[she tips her head to one side as she thinks it over]

I'll never get to go back to college. Probably. I'll never fall in love and get married and have kids like a normal, living person. I'll never get any older, so I guess that's a bonus?

I--try to not think about home. There's nothing I can do about it from here.

Re: video

[imhisaunt]

Oh. I've always wanted to be in love and have that special someone.

[It slips out in a dreamy, distant voice before he can even stop himself, his hands cradling his face at the thought. The images in his mind are ones of holding hands, cuddling up under a blanket to watch the television...

...then the larger picture of what she's saying hits him]

I...I don't understand. Why can't you do those things? You're so young and lovely...

video

[am_i_a_monster]

There's a lot of things that I'll never get to do. I knew I'd never get to do them even before I came here. I can do more things here. I can have hope.

Maybe whoever you're missing from home will show up here.

Re: video

[imhisaunt]

It's, um, it's more the other way around.

[His looks down at his hands]

I don't really have anyone back home.

Video

[dreamsallotted]

There are a lot of things I'll never get to do. But for the most part, I'm okay with that.

Maybe I'm unique in that I actually would like to go home.

[Seel sighed, regarding Delmar. He wished this was a problem he could solve, but it wasn't.]

I'm assuming you feel more at home here than you did at your home universe. Are there any skills or projects you could do here that would help you back home?

[Seel, never one to beat around the bush.] What is it that you are missing? Wondering if you'll never get to do? A thing? Or a person?

Re: Video

[imhisaunt]

[Delmar twiddles his thumbs a bit as he feels bashful about his answer]

I always...wanted to have a home with someone. A partner....to be in love...maybe...maybe a family....

[He peeks back at Seel]

But I have been so very lucky here. I have all my wonderful friends like you and then now there's the bakery...if I go home it will be very lonely again.