005; Voice (Backdated to the Seventh)

[utulien_aure]

Private to Elfhouse residents + Anakin

Check in, all of you. And Curvo, Kano, you should come home.

[A pause, then] There's something wrong with Maitimo.

Comments

[utulien_aure]

[Fingon watches him come in, and distantly it occurs to him that this seems terribly familiar.

Well, at least this time Maedhros isn't skeletal and freshly amputated, right?]

He'll try not to. You know him.

[It's what they both need to hear at the moment. He reaches out to put a hand of Maglor's shoulder.]

[bythewaves]

[ Familiar, too familiar, and Maglor's whole frame is tense as a strung bow under Fingon's hand, the shivers only barely kept in ]

What if he doesn't wake? What if he follows Grandmother Miriel...

[utulien_aure]

[Fingon closes his eyes and shakes his head before settling down besides the brothers.]

I don't know. But I don't believe he would willingly leave us, not as he is now.

I have to have faith in that.

[bythewaves]

[ A pause and then Maglor leans against him, although he doesn't let go of Maedhros' hand ]

I ... don't know if I can believe that.

[ He confesses lowly ]

[utulien_aure]

[Fingon is silent for a long moment. Finally, he responds]

I don't think he would blame you for that.

[bythewaves]

Sorry. [ he says miserably ]

I just...I am afraid...

[utulien_aure]

What for? So am I.

[But it's different, he knows. Fingon has seen Maedhros beg for death, yes. But he has never seen him die.]

[bythewaves]

Maybe... he'll come back to you, at least.

[utulien_aure]

[ ...

Well. Clearly he underestimated how different it was.]

He loves you so very much, Kano. Anyone who sees him with you knows that. I always did.

[And sometimes, if asked, Fingon might have confessed to being a little envious of their bond. He shakes his head and pulls Maglor into a proper embrace.]

He didn't stay with you. He hates that he didn't. But whatever drove him to that point... he wouldn't have stayed with me, if our places were reversed. The wounds would have still run too deep.

[bythewaves]

Not enough. [ He whispers softly, and accepts the comfort offered, but there's a terrible echoing emptiness in his presence ]

He would. He loves you so much.

[utulien_aure]

[Another long silence. Fingon closes his eyes and asks, just as quietly]

Then do you think my father didn't love me enough when he rode off to die?

[bythewaves]

What? No!

[ Maglor blinks, startled into sitting up and twisting around to look at Fingon ]

It wasn't necessarily a smart move, but he left you behind because he loved you!

[utulien_aure]

It didn't feel that way. It still doesn't, sometimes. But the truth was that what he did wasn't about wanting to leave. He just couldn't stay.

[He'd come to this realization here, admittedly, and the ghostly father he'd spoken with and yelled at to get there had probably not been the real Fingolfin.

But if that was the case... then somewhere, he must have known that already?

Either way, he meets Maglor's eyes now, gaze as firm as he is sympathetic.]

Maitimo loves you, and hates that he failed you. Of all the people he loves, you were with him the longest. You defined him the longest.

If he can come back to you, he will. If he doesn't, it will not be by choice.

[bythewaves]

[ The flame of madness (of loss, of grief, of despair) flickers like an unsteady flame in Maglor's eyes ]

I... don't think I can believe that, Finno.

[ He left me, he left me he left me ]

[utulien_aure]

I suppose I can't blame you for that.

[And Fingon had thought that the Feanorians might have managed to be hear-breaking enough for today...]

Would you mind if I believed it for your sake as well?

[bythewaves]

[ Maglor closes his eyes and shakes his head, dropping to hide against his cousin's shoulder ]

I can't stop you. If you ... want to. Then... I don't mind.

[utulien_aure]

Then I am going to keep hoping, for both of our sakes.

[He wraps his arms around Maglor. This is Maedhros' place, really, and Maedhros' task... but while they wait, Fingon will try to fill the gaps.]

[bythewaves]

[ Maglor huffs against his shoulder but makes no move to pull away ]

Always the hopeful one. [ He murmurs tiredly ] What would we do without you?

[utulien_aure]

Someone needs to be.

[That's good, because Fingon isn't going to let go]

You? Mope terribly, I expect. [He offers, in a weak attempt at teasing] Take in wandering children. Compose.

[bythewaves]

[ Maglor huffs a laugh this time, a weak, watery thing, but it is amusement ]

Ah, you know me so well.

[utulien_aure]

[Well, at least it's something. And Fingon's heart is a little lighter to hear it.]

That does happen, sometimes. Just as you know all of us.

[bythewaves]

We all know each other.

[ He sighs ]

I missed you around so much. I missed all of you.

[utulien_aure]

Family. Terrible, isn't it?

[He gently bumps their heads together.]

I can't speak for everyone, Kano. And I can't promise you my presence- I'm sorry, blame the Balrogs.

[One day, he will stop making that joke.]

But wherever you go, whatever happens, you will have my love. I think your brothers would tell you the same, but you should hear that from them.

[bythewaves]

[ Maglor manages to smile back ]

I know. It wasn't your fault. I'm just... so tired of everyone leaving.

[utulien_aure]

I would be more concerned if you weren't. And possibly a bit insulted as well, depending on you reasoning.

[As to what's to be done about it, well, he'll have to have a long chat with Elrond some time. When he's feeling less drained himself.]