hadriel | Video 4 - George's room

Entry tags:

Video 4 - George's room

[the video opens on George, sitting on the edge of her bed with her legs crossed. she looks curious, but also a little sheepish as what she's about to ask is . . . personal.

no, she's not asking for flirting advice again.

that was one time.

stop looking at her like that.

no, this time what she's asking is even weirder]

So, uh, I was kind of wondering. How many people here died before they came here? And how many are now immortal?

I was just. Wanting to know?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I guess. Convincing myself of that is the hard part.

Well, I was killed by a toilet seat, I guess she figured they were appropriate.

Maybe you just need to hear it more.

That's...wow. Someone hit you with one or something? 'cause that's kinda insane.

...maybe. I guess it couldn't hurt.

[she sounds reluctant] I kind of died because of one. It sort of--fell out of space and. Landed on me.

It took me a long time of hearin' the same thing before it ever sunk in. It could take a while, but it might work for you.

Oh. I've heard of people dyin' after satellites fell, but never something like that. Geez. I'm sorry. That sucks.

Maybe. I'm just used to blaming myself for stuff.

It did suck. They could've buried what was left of me in a shoebox. And then they tell me I've gotta be a Grim Reaper and it's all downhill from there.

[Oh boy. She sure knows what that's like.] That's a bad habit to try and break.

I don't wanna be like, insensitive or whatever, but it sounds like everything just sucked all the time for you.

Yeah, it really is. I don't even know how to start trying.

...no. That's accurate. I mean, I remember little moments of being happy, but no, like, long-term periods of being happy.

Like I said, hearin' it can help.

What 'bout now? Have you been happy since?

Hearing it for myself, by myself?

[she sighs] I have Jo. She's like a big sister to me. So that's nice.

It's can't hurt, right?

It's always good to have someone. But, Jo? Don't think I've meet 'er.

I guess it can't.

Her full name's Jo Harvelle. She's about my height, blonde, pretty. She's good to know.

I can't say I know her. But the description sounds familiar. I've probably seen her on these devices before.

But sayin' you have someone ain't exactly the same as sayin' you're happy, you know. [A pause.] Not that you have to answer me. It's your business.

Yeah, you've probably seen her around.

[there's a long pause] I don't think some people are made to be happy.

[It's all quiet on her end for a long time.

It's a heavy thought but it's not one she knows how to refute. She's thought it herself, believed it herself. After the four fell, she watched hope dry up in the desert. She felt the sharp sting of guilt follow her for years. She was followed by grief like a haunting ghost and a saw tragedy after tragedy befall the world around her. Even now, when she has what she always thought she wanted in her grasp, with the ugly tension building between her and Party-

She has an amendment to the statement, though she's afraid to speak it aloud in fear she's right. Maybe some people just didn't deserve happiness.]

That doesn't seem very fair. [But she still sounds like she agrees.] Actually, it's all kinds of fucked up, ain't it?

[George doesn't try to fill the silence. she's lost in her own thoughts. about happiness, about her family, about her friends, both here and lost to her at home.

she has friends. that's a good thing, right? that should make her happy. but instead, she's still. . . not. a big part of her feels unworthy of it and probably always will

George would agree with the amendment and count herself among them]

One hundred million kinds of fucked up. And since when is anything fair?

[She makes a noise that masquerades as a laugh; hollow and humorless. No, nothing had ever been fair. Maybe for other people. Maybe for people with brighter lives and worlds filled with easy harmony. But not for her. And apparently not for George. When fate intervened, fair flew out the window.]

It never is. We're all here, trapped. That's proof enough fair ain't ever been part of the equation.

[But.

Fate had chased her down and forced a life on her she never wanted. It took and took from her, tried the gut all the humanity out of her. But she watched too many people die for her to have a chance to fight back.]

Fair or not, as fucked as we are, we gotta try. Not much else we can do.

[no one the Girl's age should sound that bitter. actually, George doesn't know her age, never asked. but she still seems too young to George. she'd agree about fair not being a part of either of their lives. and she'd add that it sucks]

No kidding. I mean, it could be worse. But it could also be a helluvalot better.

[Fate took George's life too young to have really lived. she'd never fallen in love, she'd never went back to college, she'd never get to be a part of her family's lives again. she'd never get to do a lot of things. and there was nothing she could do about it.

she sounds tired] I'm trying. I have my job at the Clinic. I have . . . friends. I guess. So I'm trying.

Kinda how everything is, huh? Someone's probably got it worse but it doesn't make what's happenin' good.

[But it's still a cycle they all fall into. A cycle she feel into. It could be worse, so it makes the complaints feel a little unworthy. It could be better, so stop the complacency with what was in front of you.]

No one can expect anything more of you. [It's a lie-the world always expects more from people like them-but a gentle one. Girl's not trying to be dishonest, she just really wants to believe it herself.]

Yeah. Someone's always got it worse. And that someone never seems to complain about it, which is weird.

[and George often feels like she can't complain about her lot in life because we're all stuck here together and who the fuck is she to try and get a little sympathy?]

No, but they do. [she's never felt good enough. ever. for anyone]

Maybe they think someone else has it worse and think they can't complain?

[Maybe it's all one morbid cycle they all feed into.]

Yeah. [She sighs, feeling tired deep into her bones.] They always do.

That's probably it. So nobody complains except the ones who have it easy and just like to bitch, anyway.

[it probably is]

And they never apologize. [would it kill someone to cut George a little slack? really?]

[She snorts.] We gotta dim view of the easy folks.

['We' because she agrees.]

Empathy ain't in a lotta people's nature.

Is there a reason why we shouldn't?

[George doesn't think so]

No, it sure as shit isn't. Which sucks, but what can you do?

Some people would probably say we gotta be the bigger ones.

Not much. People only change when they want to. You can't force it on 'em.

Fuck that. There's time for that when your luck turns around.

Ain't that the truth. Much as it sucks.

private voice;

thelastjoy - 2018-06-07 03:59 (UTC) - Expand

private voice;

toiletseat_girl - 2018-06-07 22:12 (UTC) - Expand

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only