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[ He has no idea what the fuck is going on, but he knows he's never felt like this before. He's reflected on the things he regrets, of course, and he's been haunted by the choices he made in certain situations, but he carries on with the business of living well enough. He takes what he can get, what joy he can find, and he focuses on that.

So, what the fuck. ]

Anyone else feeling pretty shitty almost non-stop?

[ He has no shame in talking to people, why the hell not? He has nothing to hide in expressing his emotions, though that doesn't at all mean he's ready or willing to just confess all his sins to whoever the hell is listening right now. He's got some measure of control still. ]

I was a fucking asshole once. I get it. I know it.

But whatever this feeling is now - shit. It's this place, right? It's gotta be.

[ And he has this desperate, almost suffocating need to fix the terrible things he's done, but he can't. He's just paralyzed by this overwhelming feeling of being an irredeemable asshole. ]

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[Kyna is getting off easy here. She feels guilty, yes, but there isn't anything that keeps her up at night normally, so it's just a general sort of regret, not something overwhelming. Still, it's enough to clue her in that something is wrong. Kyna looks vaguely uncomfortable, chin propped up on her hand. ]

Yeah. It's probably some present to us from one of the douchebag gods.

By shitty, you mean guilty? I'm feeling that. I was worse than an asshole.

[She feels responsible for all the deaths her father caused and feels it more deeply now. Hannibal's murders feel like her fault too, even the ones she wasn't around for.]

I don't if it's just this place, or if I'm losing my ability to repress everything.

[ His own regrets have usually just manifested in horrible fucking dreams that sometimes pull him out of a dead sleep in a cold sweat. Horrible and uncomfortable, but even then, nothing compared to what he's feeling now. What makes it worse is he feels so unsettled, like he needs to do something to fix it, make up for it all, and he can't because he's trapped here. ]

Fuck. [ He rubs a hand over his brow for a moment, and his entire demeanor is such a stark contrast to how he'd been on his first day here. ] Any clue how long we'll be stuck feeling like this?

[ Worse than an asshole. What the hell could a kid have done that'd be so bad? ]

Yeah. Really fucking guilty.

What kind of shit are you dealing with?

[ Hey, misery loves company, right? No better time than now - when he feels like an absolute shitshow - to talk it out with someone who feels pretty terrible, too. ]

I don't think I've ever seen it last longer than like... a week? Usually a few days. Uh... Are you okay?

[Jo's pretty certain that this has something to do with Sorrow, but...It's still getting to her.

Still, this video makes her laugh quietly as she starts to respond.]

Do you mean one time or once for a period of time?

no guilt here so it must be you
whatever you did must have been pretty awful
they say if you talk about it youll feel better though have you tried that

[ He holds himself back for a moment before answering. His instinct is to just be honest; he may not always give a lot of details but he's not one to shy away from his emotions in general. So if he's not okay, he's just not okay, and he's not gonna hide that fact. But on the other hand, with how he's feeling, there's a tremendous amount of guilt that comes with even the thought of opening up like that with another person, burdening anyone with his mess of a life. Fuck. This sucks.

In the end, though, he goes with his instinct. ]

No. But what the fuck can I do, you know? The people I hurt - the shit that I did - it's all back there. Back home.

[ Waiting for him. ]

[ If this were any other time, he might be laughing, too. Because this all feels like such a bunch of self-loathing, self-righteous nonsense. But he's stuck just feeling like absolute shit instead, and it's an awful feeling. ]

When I was younger. I was an asshole for a long time to a lot of people.

Everyone's a little shit when they're a kid. [She's taking this seriously, mostly.]

What did you do?

awesome. yay me.
I've been talking to myself about it a lot, does that count? I've found out I'm really not helpful

[ And yes, what he did was pretty awful. ]

sounds like you answered your own question
not only did you do something terrible but also cant even help yourself
guess the gods just want to remind you of all that failure

Uh, well...

[She's really, really bad at this.]

Would apologizing help?

I'm dealing with ghosts of all the people who are dead because of me. I see them when I sleep, even when I simply close my eyes. I feel so guilty.

[It's the best word she has, and yet it doesn't seem enough to describe how overwhelming the feelings are.]

[ He's not sure what he was even looking for, really, by broadcasting to other people like he did. There are no answers anyone can give him, really. No one can give him absolution. Maybe he just wanted to talk. So by that measure, Kyna's doing just fine. ]

If I could...talk to them? If they were here right now? Fuck. I don't know. Maybe.

[ His child. The woman he left. Maybe it would help with them. But not with Daniel. God, he'd give anything to go back and stop that bomb from going off. He'd trade places with that kid in a heartbeat. He's the one who should have died, not Daniel. ]

Fuck. [ Seriously. Fuck. He's feeling kind of the same way, so he gets it. ] You uh - you killed them?

I wasn't a kid. [ It would have been easier to dismiss it then, maybe. ] And it was a lot of shit. But it's shit I've carried around for a while so I don't know why it's worse all of a sudden here. You been here a while? You have any idea why I might be feeling like this?

That I'm a sack of shit. Good stuff. All this shit I did - I never felt like this before so it's just a fun side effect of being here, I take it? Guess it won't stop.

[ He honestly doesn't know how to handle that, the idea of it just smothering him slowly. ]

[Abigail shakes her head. She's only killed Nicholas Boyle herself and tried to kill Alana.]

Not directly. My dad killed them. Eight girls and my mom.

Oh. [She's quiet for a moment, looking down before she shrugs.]

The gods can influence emotions.

yeah everyone gets a special effect from the gods you know
a sign of how they judge you for your past
some of us not going to name names get to feel eternally happy and blessed and get free gifts and favoritism because we are excellent
meanwhile you will forever feel like shit so
guess you fucked up

I always feel pretty shitty almost non-stop, but not gonna lie, this has been a whole 'nother level of shitty.

Same here.

It's this place being a fucking bastard.

Edited 2018-04-22 21:43 (UTC)

[Margaery has been feeling terribly ever since her ordeal with the demon, but now she's been having feelings of guilt over the people she had to step on in order to become queen and she does not like this feeling one bit, thank you]

It likely is this place, but that doesn't make the feelings invoked any less real.

Shit. I'm sorry, kid. That really fucking sucks.

[ He sort of winces to himself internally because he knows he could do better than just, That fucking sucks but it's just a hell of a thing. ]

I really am sorry. I don't know you, and everything that happened, but fuck - your dad killed them, not you. That's not your fault.

Nice. Another perk of being here. I feel really fucking blessed.

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