hadriel | Chapter ~7~ [Video]

I'm sorry.

[Delmar's phone is sitting in his lap as a thumb presses worriedly into the flesh of his lower lip. His eyes are angry red at the edges, cheeks still damp though at this moment he's not crying.]

I'm so very sorry. I'm sorry that I...

[He keeps getting to this point. He's started that sentence again and again in his mind but when he tries to finish it there's a static of thousands of things he's sorry for. He's sorry for the son his parents never had in him. For denying them that version of their lives in which their eldest son was someone they could be proud of. He's sorry for the big brother he's denied his siblings because he couldn't not be himself. Because he couldn't want to not be himself.

He's sorry that he's not sorry for who he loves. He's sorry he never tried hard enough to be sorry for it. He's sorry that he saw all those wishes that he would change. All those hopes that he would 'grow out of it' 'fix himself' 'stop being selfish' ...and tossed them away.

He's sorry because shouldn't he have done those things? Shouldn't he have put his family first? His friends?

He's sorry. Confused. Tired. And sorry he's not smart enough to finish this sentence]

.....All of these are...for all of you.

[He simply turns the phone to show a platter of row upon row of small cupcakes with 'sorry' written on them]

They are here at the bakery....

[And he starts to open his mouth as though to say something else. But instead he just ends the feed]

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[she goes over to him and the arrangement]

Like what? You can tell me. I can keep a secret.

[she thinks he sounds on the verge of tears and that makes her feel worse for him]

[He exhales, sounding stuffy from his sniffling]

I've let everyone down i-in my life, Laura.

[she wants to reach out and pat his back, but she's not sure how it would be taken]

Everyone? I have a hard time imagining you letting down anyone.

[Delmar folds his arms around himself as though trying to hold himself together]

Why d-do you say its hard to i-imagine?

[He manages only a brief glance at her before dropping his gaze back down to his feet]

Ev-even here I am a disappointment. I co-couldn't help any of my f-friends when the Null attacked, and I put Miss Julie in danger...and...and I couldn't stop Miss Margaery from being hurt.... all I do is be a bad friend.

[oh, jeez. this is making her upset. so she tentatively reaches out to touch his shoulder]

Because in the entire time I've known you, you've only been good and kind. That's. . . rare where I come from.

[when he does look at her, she tries to smile]

I couldn't help anyone, either. Some of us just aren't fighters. You don't have to be pulling a Rambo with an AK-47 in both hands to be a good friend to people.

[He shyly reaches up a hand to lay over hers on his shoulder, appreciative. Though he looks confused, reddened eyes blinking rapidly at her last statement]

Pulling a w-what?

[she squeezes his hand gently]

A Rambo. You know, the movies with Sylvester Stallone.

[Delmar shakes his head timidly]

I've never heard of those movies before.

Oh. Well, no big deal. They're dumb movies, anyway.

[what to do, what to do, oh! maybe a distraction]

What kinds of movies do you like?

Chapter ~7~ [Video]

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