Chapter ~7~ [Video]

[imhisaunt]

I'm sorry. 

[Delmar's phone is sitting in his lap as a thumb presses worriedly into the flesh of his lower lip. His eyes are angry red at the edges, cheeks still damp though at this moment he's not crying.] 

I'm so very sorry. I'm sorry that I...

[He keeps getting to this point. He's started that sentence again and again in his mind but when he tries to finish it there's a static of thousands of things he's sorry for. He's sorry for the son his parents never had in him. For denying them that version of their lives in which their eldest son was someone they could be proud of. He's sorry for the big brother he's denied his siblings because he couldn't not be himself. Because he couldn't want to not be himself. 

He's sorry that he's not sorry for who he loves. He's sorry he never tried hard enough to be sorry for it. He's sorry that he saw all those wishes that he would change. All those hopes that he would 'grow out of it' 'fix himself' 'stop being selfish' ...and tossed them away. 

He's sorry because shouldn't he have done those things? Shouldn't he have put his family first? His friends? 

He's sorry. Confused. Tired. And sorry he's not smart enough to finish this sentence] 

.....All of these are...for all of you. 

[He simply turns the phone to show a platter of row upon row of small cupcakes with 'sorry' written on them] 

They are here at the bakery....

[And he starts to open his mouth as though to say something else. But instead he just ends the feed] 

Comments

video

[roseofthetyrells]

[Margaery has been suffering from her own regrets, the people she had to step on to become queen, her single-minded determination to become queen in the first place, the fact that she didn't have a real childhood, but she quashes all of that down for now because Delmar is clearly in pain. she opens up a video feed and calls him back]

Delmar? Are you there?

[imhisaunt]

Yes. I am here.

[He's not looking directly at the screen, instead looking down at his hands that wring tiredly with one another ]

[roseofthetyrells]

Good. Would you like me to come over? Perhaps I can help?

[she's genuinely worried for him. the wretched so-called gods are making her friend suffer and she's upset on his behalf]

[imhisaunt]

[The offer makes Delmar sniffle harder, her kindness redoubling his feeling of guilt]

I w-wouldn't want to put you to the trouble. I don't deserve it.

[roseofthetyrells]

[her heart breaks for him. he looks like he's just lost all of his friends]

It's no trouble at all. And of course you deserve it.

[the view from the video changes as she gets up and walks out the door of her apartment, headed over to Delmar's]

video

[toiletseat_girl]

[George feels like shit. which is nothing new, she almost always feels like shit. but now it's even shittier than usual, thinking back to the way she behaved as a Reaper, the deaths she accidentally caused in her efforts to save a life. and guilt toward the way she treated her family, too. she turned off and ignored them for most of her life and now she's wishing she hadn't done that. but, jeez, Delmar seems like he's doing even worse than she is, so she opens a call to him]

Hey. Delmar. You okay?

[he's obviously not, but she doesn't know what else to say]

Re: video

[imhisaunt]

[He nods weakly before answer]

I'll...I'll be alright, George....

[A hard swallow]

I just...I'm very sorry.

video

[toiletseat_girl]

[her brows furrow slightly. Delmar is one of the nicest people she's ever met, if not the nicest. she doesn't get what he'd be sorry for]

But. Why sorry? I mean, you're a good person.

Re: video

[imhisaunt]

O-oh. That's...that's very nice of you to say. But I've hurt many people, Miss G-George.

video.

[puzzlingly]

「Oh no, he was wondering who else would have been affected by this and, well, here it is.」

Delmar?

[imhisaunt]

I'm sorry, Atem.

[puzzlingly]

「Aw, man.」

Whatever for?

[imhisaunt]

F-for...

[He flutters tearfully, waving his hands in the air in a vague gesture as he tries to figure out how to explain it]

For being disappointing...f-for...being a bad friend....for...for all of it.

action

[outofthefire]

[Laura has been working her shift at the bakery. she's noticed that Delmar seemed down, but she wasn't sure how to approach him about it. so she's stuck to her own work while mulling over what to say or do to help. cheering people up isn't exactly in her repertoire. but when she catches a glimpse of the Sorry cupcakes, she feels like she has to say something. despite being wracked with guilt over her own past and deeds]

What are you sorry for?

[imhisaunt]

[Delmar doesn't look at her directly, awkwardly moving one or two of the cupcakes a little so they look nicer in their arrangement]

A lot of things

[His answer is quiet, his voice tight]

[outofthefire]

[she goes over to him and the arrangement]

Like what? You can tell me. I can keep a secret.

[she thinks he sounds on the verge of tears and that makes her feel worse for him]

[imhisaunt]

[He exhales, sounding stuffy from his sniffling]

I've let everyone down i-in my life, Laura.

video

[am_i_a_monster]

[Abigail can't help wondering what he could have possibly done to the people here to feel sorry about. Or were they all simply substitutes for someone else he'd wronged? She decides to call him back.]

Hi. Sorry for what?

[imhisaunt]

For disappointing everyone.

[am_i_a_monster]

Why do you think we'd be disappointed?

[imhisaunt]

B-because I'm not what people w-wanted me to be.

video; private

[ghostlocked]

[Oh boy. Well, Harlan is not quite feeling up to a video chat right now, but it's Delmar. He switches it over to private, just in case. He looks tired.]

Hey. Quit it. Whatever you feel like you've got to be sorry for, it's just the event talking.

[imhisaunt]

But..but Harlan it's true. I...I disappointed my parents...my family... they were sad because of me.

[ghostlocked]

If that's true, it's not your fault. It's on them for not being able to look past shit that isn't their business. You didn't do anything wrong.

[But he sighs. They've had this conversation before, and he knows there's likely no shaking Delmar out of his funk just by repeating all of this. This fucking event, man.]

Look, this will pass, okay? You'll feel better in a few days.

[imhisaunt]

[Delmar rubs his hands anxiously over his jaw, lashes damp as he tries to blink back tears. Part of him knows. At his core he remembers everything he's learned with Harlan and Michael and all the others. That part of him keeps wrenching inside him, trying to push back against this feeling, but it seems to only be able to push back so much, the weight on his shoulders pushing back down with just as much force]

H-how do you know it will stop, Harley?

[That's the difficult part with the events that are emotions. There is no clear beginning and end to what was you and what was them]