( Which could just make it harder for Glacius, she doesn't know. She's already intimately familiar with how bright his influence is within Carlisle, how much it's already doing to keep him alive.
She doesn't say any of this though, because it's all just extra worry and impending deadlines. And because Glacius asks about her before she has a chance to try and explain.
Kate draws in a shaky breath. )
I... told you my brother was killed, aye?
( There's a pause that isn't long enough for Glacius to give an answer either way. )
I- They'd been fighting. Trying to stop The Agency and what we'd been doing. Fighting our colleagues. Their friends. I was too tired to care. Thought they were stupid for trying. Marc didn't.
( None of this would be coming out if it wasn't Glacius she was telling. Answers would have ranged from It's nothing, I'm fine, to a taciturn response that doesn't really explain what happened that night. )
It kept going. I left to find them. Realised I couldn't leave him - ( Or any of them ) - to fight alone. But I waited too long. They were exhausted. No one reacted quick enough when they cut his throat.
( She has to stop to swallow back a lump there. )
Faith was there. She heals more than any Superhuman out there. But she was just as tired. Couldn't let her do it - she'd have died and he might have anyway. Blamed herself for not trying anyway.
( All of which is to say that; )
Point is, I always thought the only thing worse than death were living without people you love. Everything happening to Carlisle making me think I'm wrong about that.
( And making her, perversely, glad Marc's dead. It sits unnaturally, painfully in her stomach to realise that. )
[Glacius listens to the story that he's heard bits and pieces of before gradually get put together, his expression gentle, but clearly affected.] And that is why you could not stand to wait in this regard. Not again, not after what happened the last time you risked inaction. [It explains a lot about her impulses, gives the alien the context he new he must be missing... and stands fit to break his hearts. Loss affects everyone in different ways; he's seen it in himself, when he had to kill Emily or when Kate was torn from this place... he's seen it in his partner, and now in his best friend, and he will likely see it many more times before his life reaches its end.]
I think... that there is a case to be made for both. And one of the worst things about one is that it will always engender the other—every death means that someone must live without one that they care about. We cannot always avoid it, but in this instance we have been given the chance to try. This attempt might have been misguided, but... I cannot blame you for it... and I am glad as ever that I have someone that wants to change things as badly as I do.
( She's quiet through all of it, barely moving, shoulders slumped over and head bowed. Just explaining that was exhausting, the weight of earlier arguments over the network only adding to how tired she feels.
They have to do something, somehow. But how do you even stand a chance to fight against something like that, which isn't physical at all? Which - until she started learning about Carlisle's condition - she didn't even think was real in the first place?
She huffs out a noise that almost sounds like a half-defeated laugh. )
Be easier if we could just fight it.
( She knows how to stop creatures, people who are attacking, even if she doesn't enjoy doing it. If it was a Null, or even the creatures from Sharon's hellscape of a world, it'd be easier. )
We are. [Glacius echoes the vocalization with a little empty chuckle of his own, knowing that's not what she meant.] Or perhaps you wish to get into fisticuffs with this problem? Ah, I wish it too. If it were something that could be physically defended from, I like to think that I would have defeated it soundly by now.
[The alien pauses, then extends a hand palm-up towards Kate; it's a little showing of support, one that gives her the option to reciprocate if she so desires, given that he knows they can both be adverse to physical contact. Glacius does not mind it so much if it's with someone he likes and trusts, but it's important that he always gives her a choice.] But no mistake, we will win. I refuse to believe otherwise.
( Fisticuffs. Her lips quirk upwards, though the overall effect is more bitter and resigned than anything else.
It would be so much easier. But when has anything in her life taken the easy path? )
We have to.
( It's the same logic she applies to dealing with The Null. They have to win, and they have to make it the only acceptable outcome if they want to keep fighting. )
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> action | TIME FOR MORE PAIN
She doesn't say any of this though, because it's all just extra worry and impending deadlines. And because Glacius asks about her before she has a chance to try and explain.
Kate draws in a shaky breath. )
I... told you my brother was killed, aye?
( There's a pause that isn't long enough for Glacius to give an answer either way. )
I- They'd been fighting. Trying to stop The Agency and what we'd been doing. Fighting our colleagues. Their friends. I was too tired to care. Thought they were stupid for trying. Marc didn't.
( None of this would be coming out if it wasn't Glacius she was telling. Answers would have ranged from It's nothing, I'm fine, to a taciturn response that doesn't really explain what happened that night. )
It kept going. I left to find them. Realised I couldn't leave him - ( Or any of them ) - to fight alone. But I waited too long. They were exhausted. No one reacted quick enough when they cut his throat.
( She has to stop to swallow back a lump there. )
Faith was there. She heals more than any Superhuman out there. But she was just as tired. Couldn't let her do it - she'd have died and he might have anyway. Blamed herself for not trying anyway.
( All of which is to say that; )
Point is, I always thought the only thing worse than death were living without people you love. Everything happening to Carlisle making me think I'm wrong about that.
( And making her, perversely, glad Marc's dead. It sits unnaturally, painfully in her stomach to realise that. )
;n; this poor sweet girl!
I think... that there is a case to be made for both. And one of the worst things about one is that it will always engender the other—every death means that someone must live without one that they care about. We cannot always avoid it, but in this instance we have been given the chance to try. This attempt might have been misguided, but... I cannot blame you for it... and I am glad as ever that I have someone that wants to change things as badly as I do.
sobs hello i exist i think??
They have to do something, somehow. But how do you even stand a chance to fight against something like that, which isn't physical at all? Which - until she started learning about Carlisle's condition - she didn't even think was real in the first place?
She huffs out a noise that almost sounds like a half-defeated laugh. )
Be easier if we could just fight it.
( She knows how to stop creatures, people who are attacking, even if she doesn't enjoy doing it. If it was a Null, or even the creatures from Sharon's hellscape of a world, it'd be easier. )
no subject
[The alien pauses, then extends a hand palm-up towards Kate; it's a little showing of support, one that gives her the option to reciprocate if she so desires, given that he knows they can both be adverse to physical contact. Glacius does not mind it so much if it's with someone he likes and trusts, but it's important that he always gives her a choice.] But no mistake, we will win. I refuse to believe otherwise.
no subject
It would be so much easier. But when has anything in her life taken the easy path? )
We have to.
( It's the same logic she applies to dealing with The Null. They have to win, and they have to make it the only acceptable outcome if they want to keep fighting. )