hadriel | [3] video (post Delight's event)

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[3] video (post Delight's event)

(Newt's sitting cross-legged on the floor and has his phone set up to be set on him in a very steady image. He's got a sheet of paper with what looks like a map drawn on it next to another, slightly more different map. For anyone who bothers to look at the floor anyway. Newt, however, is not looking at the floor but at the camera itself.)

You know, I've been thinkin' bout the monsters here lately. Went explorin' out in the caves the other night and I kinda realized something. I know it's gonna sound bloody insane but hear me out.

I kind of feel for the monsters. I mean, think about it. They're being treated just as unfairly as all of us, aren't they? They were dragged outta their worlds too and thrown into this place. I know they're violent but they don't seem...that bad? Mostly they stick to the caves and yet we go on in there slaughtering them all of the time and not always for food. Maybe I'm wrong but...that doesn't feel right to me somehow. Throwing all these creatures into a small section of this place then just tearing them apart because the gods tell us they'll give us rewards for it.

And trust me, I'm no bloody saint there - I'm guilty of it too but now that I've taken a step back and really thought about it, I have no idea why I ever thought that was okay. They're not robots. They're living creatures. They feel pain too, don't they?

(Newt frowns, twisting at the ends of his sleeves.)

Half the time- no. More than half of the time they don't even do anything to us. So maybe we should stop killing them unless it's for food. I 'unno.

(He sighs, looking off to the side of his room. Maybe he doesn't understand the world enough to understand something like that. But then he looks as if he's remembered something and grabs the two pieces of paper and holds them up to the camera so that everyone can see. The maps are of the tunnels.

Except one is different.)

By the way, the tunnels change. Discovered that. I'm kind of disappointed. That's how our Maze was too so I can't say I'm all that shocked here. Our Maze would change every night and it turned out that if you aligned the patterns, they spelled out words. So if anyone cares about seeing why the tunnels change- there you go. Wish you luck.

(Annnnd that's about it actually. He flips the video off after that casual reveal.)

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Okay uh.

(His cheeks turn the slightest bit pink and he stares off screen for a moment. Actually, it looks like he's looking at someone else with the attentiveness on his face. Then after a moment, he nods just barely and looks back on camera and smiles feebly.)

The other day, I think I remembered my mom? Not...anything specific. Just her voice, her hair, and kind of just this nice feeling. I didn't really think 'bout it til just now but um. I think it's similar to the sort of things I feel towards you?

(His nose wrinkles up briefly and his eyes dart back off camera in the same direction he'd been looking in before and then they slide just as quickly back to the camera.)

Like. Motherly, I think.

(Which is a good thing, Peter had said. So he really hoped Maketh took it in a good way.

The idea of Maketh dying makes something unpleasant crunch in his chest and he almost looks physically pained for a moment. Newt was a surprisingly sensitive boy. Always had been. When the other Gladers had been dying off and Minho and Thomas kept pushing forward, it was Newt who mourned their lost lives, as nameless and unimportant as they had seemed to the other two boys. When it came to someone he cared about dearly? Well.)

I did die. I remember it pretty vividly. And I'd die again if I went back to my world within a year probably.

(He sighs faintly. Again, he could relate to Maketh.)

I'd endanger my friends too. (Because he knew enough what the word allies meant. And he didn't have allies- only friends.) But I'm a threat here too.

I want it to be good. That's why I don't mind the monsters, I don't think. If they're the worst of it then- okay. Fine. But if...If Hadriel...I wonder if there's a place for people like you and me.

Okay.

(Which does make him feel better for all of the things he had been wanting to tell Maketh.

At the mention of Peter's own mother, Newt sidles up closer to Peter and tucks himself in against his boyfriend, kissing Peter's temple.)

She misses you too, every day.

(He says it with absolute certainty. He doesn't need to know Lynda. The kind of woman she seemed on that mirror mixed with the kind of person that Peter is- of course she would miss him every day. Newt would miss him every day too.)

I guess so.

(And he still doesn't see the point of it. He didn't know that that was happening though and makes almost a comically disgusted face.)

Wait, what in the bloody hell...?

(Give him a second. A second....Because seriously what in the fuck are people doing? Gren, congratulations, you're slowly changing this kid's entire perspective of Hadriel.)

The hell kind of barbaric bullshit is that? Are people insane? That's...I mean, it's one thing to kill something okay- but to disfigure them too...

[peter tucks his face into newt's neck, taking a deep breath of the scent of his skin. it calms the burn in his eyes.]

I know she does. Someday I'll get to see her again.

[after a moment he lifts his face from newt's neck and kisses the tip of his nose.]

It's good that you have Maketh, though. You deserve some revenge mothering.

(A hand automatically goes to the back of Peter's head when Peter buries his face into his neck. He pulls his fingers through Peter's hair lightly. Newt had taken up the habit of combing Peter's hair almost nightly and it left the hair smoother, something easy for the fingers to slide through.)

You will.

(Newt sounds very certain about that. He completely ignores what that future might mean for him. He still didn't know if he'd just vanish after Hadriel or what.

All he did know was that he was very scared of a life without Peter. He didn't want to forget him ever again and he didn't know what he'd do having to go back home or slip into a nothingness. Things had changed a lot for Newt.

His thoughts are split away by Peter's kiss and he winds up grinning.)

Oh, god. You make it sound so horrific.

[Not for the first time, Maketh wishes they were having this conversation in person. It's hard to find the right words to convey what she's feeling - to try and push it into understandable shapes, things with labels and protocols. If it were a status report, then she'd have the words. But it's not. This is -- important, in ways that Maketh is only beginning to understand. Her face twists, burning red, and for a moment she's afraid that she might cry. And that would be wrong.]

I...oh.

[She never really thought about having kids on Lothal. There was never time, she'd never been good with children. They were small and strange and Maketh always had the nagging suspicion that she would break them if she meddled too much. And then there was Newt. Strange but kind - always so kind - and he made sense when so few people did in this place. Maketh worried about breaking him too - of course she did, the Empire had made her and look what the Empire did - but.

Part of her, quietly, wanted to stand next to him. Fluff up his hair a little. To step back and watch him learn how to walk in his skin. Make this place into something worth protecting. So maybe...

Maketh takes a shuddering breath, wiping at her eyes. She won't cry. She won't.] Thank you. Newt.

[She wants desperately to hug him right now. That would feel right in a way that she can't quite find the words to convey.

She nods more somberly at his words. Dying. It's not surprising, not really. His world is dangerous and cruel, though in a different way than hers. And surviving has made them both dangerous.] I used to think that...maybe this was some sort of mistake. That I should have just stayed dead. It wasn't doing anything -- useful. So it didn't -- I didn't hesitate. With the wendigos.

[It had been a mistake and not really her own life, so what would it matter if she ordered someone else to take it? Back then, Maketh had thought only of ensuring the survival of everyone else, and ensuring that she would not be the thing that ended it. So she'd died again. Woken up alone in Hope's temple to face the aftermath.]

But then I met you and Lilith and Henry, and...you matter. To me. And I started thinking maybe, maybe I could stay. Maybe that would be all right, to stay here.

Maybe. Even if we ever go home, she's very far away. And Lynda...Lynda always taught me that where I am is where I should be, y'know? And I'm here. With you.

[he kisses newt's neck before lifting his head.]

I do not make it sound horrific.

[he's grinning shamelessly though.]

I just think you could use a little mothering yourself sometimes. It's kinda nice.

(There was a lot that Newt admired about Maketh. Maybe she had done a lot of things in the past that she had regretted but so had he. Everyone was subjected to making awful choices every now and then in their life but Newt had meant it with every fiber of his being when he had said that it was the present that mattered, not the past. And the thing with Maketh was she seemed so capable, so incredibly mature and intelligent. She was something he had never once known in adults, with a real sense of order and logic, someone kind and good, good to him now, good to him since he has met her and that...It was the first time Newt had ever considered what it'd be like for him to grow into an adult and wanting to be like anything. Wanting to be like Maketh. If only a little bit.

He too wishes they were talking in person. Newt was a physically grounded person who was invasive in a way that wasn't just emotional but physical. He'd sit close to the people he liked, bumped knees, touched arms, and generally didn't seem to understand the problem in showing affection. He would have hugged the breath out of her.

Newt idly wonders if his own mother, his birth mother, would have been happy that he had found someone like this. He thinks that she would have.

His own eyes were wet and unlike Maketh, he doesn't try to blink or scrub them away. He's got a face that looks used to crying and his tears remain where they are, making his eyes shine.

But then Maketh begins to talk about death in a way that Newt intimately understands down to the limp on his leg. His face is ashen and if he hadn't wished he was there before, he certainly did now.)

I...

(His voice is thick with emotion and he clears his throat a bit, sitting up straighter. He takes a steadying breath. The only person he's spoken about this with was Peter. No one else. Maketh though...She deserved that support.)

Back home, when I was in the Maze, I was a Runner. Because I was fast and smart and had no problem memorizing the Maze. But...it...It drove me a bit-

(His throat clicks and he stared off.)

But uh- uh there were vines all over the walls, you know, so one day I guess I just really couldn't stand it anymore. The maze and being trapped and the sound of the monsters and how I didn't know anything and I just. Couldn't. So I climbed up to the top and well- but I messed up. Landed funny and ruined my leg instead. I- Only...Only Peter knows that about me. I've been...struggling...with that feeling for such a long time. Wanting to not...exist.

(He looks uncomfortable, stressed, but he also doesn't look like he minded sharing this. And maybe it was a conversation better had in person but Newt doesn't really think it matters. It was a conversation that needed to happen now, that was relevant now.)

And here, I felt that way for a while too. I still do- sometimes. But it's really rare and brief and now I feel bad when I think like that. People like you, like Peter, have changed me a lot. You've given me a reason to want to be here. I think that- I think if you've found people, then you've found your purpose. I don't think there needs to be anything more than that. More than the people you meet, the people who change your life.

I think it's important that we've met. I know- I do understand what you mean. I do.

(And he'd told her that story because he understood it so thoroughly.)

And you're not alone. And really, you won't be so long as I'm here. And so long as Henry and Lilith are here too.

... Them? Right.

[ Others might say something poignant at this point, but Kate settles for: ] Shit, seriously? [ Because, really, she can't think of much worse than being stuck Underground, with weird creatures as freaked out as they are and a bunch of Beings who seem to enjoy keeping them in some weird version of an ant farm. ] I mean, at least this place is more spacious than the Undergrounds back home. [ But she hasn't been down in them regularly in years. ]

[It takes Maketh a bit to compose herself before she can even open the video to respond. There's something caught in her throat, painfully tight, and she's crying - she shouldn't be crying, it's unprofessional, against code, wrongwrongwrong, stop that. Sit up straight and put your eyes straight ahead, soldier.

She lies down instead, curled up on the bed she's claimed, and takes off her boots and jacket. It feels better like that, with the blankets wrapped around her. Almost like hugging someone close. That sort of --- peace, Maketh supposes.

Her eyes are red when she responds, but her tears are gone.]

I asked...I asked Henry to do it. Because I couldn't--manage it. And he did. I said it was for the best and he believed me. [Maketh closes her eyes.] I thought he'd hate me. For doing that to him, because what kind of person--

[No. Stop. She clears her throat.]

But he...he f-forgave me. And I -- I think I needed that. To remember how to be a person and not what I was. You and Henry and the others--you made me remember.

I uh... I wonder if anyone here came from somewhere or sometime when something screwed up wasn't going on.

[Because everyone here seems to have some awful story. Maybe that's what links them, and maybe that's how they end up here. Who knows.]

Okay, awesome. Are you sure it's made of copper?

[Because that's really interesting, if so. Chris may not be good with appliances or wiring beyond the very basics, but he does know computer parts and anything related to them. Copper is a very strange material to make a computer chip out of for specific reasons, and if that's what it really is it might tell them a lot more than just a burned piece of metal might otherwise seem to.

He's lost in thought on this topic enough that there's a brief delay before he registers that next part of what Newt said.]

Wait, they just like... Gave him telepathy?

[That's... Definitely a little beyond even everything else. But different worlds, different rules, which kind of fits with what Newt says next. Chris knows all the people Newt mentions, at least distantly, and many others as well whose worlds are all so incredibly different from each others' in different ways. With so much variation and yet still often common themes, Newt is right; there's no reason Hadriel should be the only world that works as it does.]

Yeah. Yeah, you're right, I mean... It'd be really strange, actually, to think this is the only place where this goes on. And uh... We already know that this Door thing connects to all the different worlds we all come from, so maybe it connects to another place like Hadriel too.

[Which is interesting, though he's not sure if--provided it's even true--it would be helpful.

Newt's mention of Thom reminds Chris of something else though, and it's a slight change in topic but--]

Oh uh, do you know Thom pretty well? Maketh told me I should ask him about something, but I've only talked to him once so I just...

[He'd feel kind of like a jerk.]

Pretty sure desecratin' a fuckin' corpse only matters if it's a person, and I don't think anybody's looking at those monsters and calling 'em people.

[Sometimes, people don't really give a shit even if they are people. Gren's had some experience with that.]

[But if no one thinks of them as people, there's not much difference between taking a monster head and taking a rack of antlers from a deer, or making taxidermy. It's only wrong if they aren't just animals.]

It's for Rage, anyway. That bitch'd want some kind of violent shit for her favors.

[ Newt's video goes up just as Pell was preparing to abandon the apartment he'd been in and bring his small box of 'belongings' over to the house. He thinks about it on the walk over, about the creatures being torn from their worlds as well and the hunting party he took part in, and how exactly they should treat the monsters. He's one who really only kills for food or when it's necessary to protect himself, but it's hard to say how other people here think. Especially the people who are exploring the tunnels looking for a way out -- does that count as defense, when you go into the monsters' territory? Hmm.

He's still deep in thought when he knocks on the door of 1402, shifting the box to his hip. ]

[ Gansey does not feel good today. Exhaustion still clings to him, despite the fact that he's been sleeping for the better part of the last day. For the first time since he's been here, he doesn't want to think about the caves, or monsters in the caves, or anything that he has to actually do about any of this.

But then Newt says that last part, and in spite of himself, his interest is captured.

So here is a Gansey that looks like he's been awake for 48 hours straight, despite actually sleeping for most of that time. ]

What do you mean, they changed? Are you absolutely sure you weren't lost? It's easy enough to do that in the tunnels.

[ All he can think of is Cabeswater, and how it had changed according to their perceptions. And how the caves had changed, how the main cave used to be a lake, and then became...

Something else entirely. ]

Well, that's... [ Actually quite depressing. ] Not fun at all. I'm fairly sure — and don't quote me on this — but I think killing children is frowned upon where I'm from. Is that not the case for you?

Do people there drink tea out of puppy skulls and use kittens as footrests, too? Did the experimenters say muahahaha a lot? They sound like muahahaha fans.

(Hey, he'll take it. He's had worse.)

Was there a lot of underground things in your world?

(Because that's a curious sort of thing to him.)

Um. I don't really know, actually. I think it was a similar enough case but the organization in charge of it all had the most money and the best technology in a dying world so...

(What was one to do with a situation like that?

It takes Newt a second to realize that the later bit is a joke and he winds up laughing despite himself.)

I wouldn't actually be that surprised if they did. How awful. I love dogs, too.

But people aren't the only people alive. They aren't the only ones who are just trying to see through to the next day.

(Newt is so unhappy with that ideology. He's not usually bitter towards humans as a whole but right then, he was definitely disappointed in them.

Newt's never even heard of such things such as taxidermy. The poor kid would probably have a hernia if he did.)

It does make sense for her though it hardly excuses it. We aren't them and we shouldn't let them make us do such things. So what if we have no ammunition? It's not like there isn't plenty of weapons around here we can use for self-defense.

(Newt opens the door within minutes of the knock happening. The kid seems like the sort of person who is always expecting company and upon seeing Pell, the worry in his brow smooths out and his mouth stretches into a wide smile.)

Pell, hey!

(It's authentic excitement of a friend seeing a friend and yeah, despite their limited interactions, he already does see Pell as a friend. It was as easy as that when it came to Newt. He pulls the door the rest of the way open and lets Pell in, shutting it just behind him the moment the other's inside.)

Do you need help there? I got spare hands if you do.

(Newt has had far worse nights spent in his home world than Hadriel. Worse days, too. His hangover couldn't come close to touching any of that and so Newt was relatively bright-eyed and pleasant looking upon sight.

Gansey, on the other hand, was not. Newt politely decides not to say anything about that at all. It's not as if he has to ask, after all. He had been partying too.

What Gansey does get is a rather flat look from Newt.)

No offense mate but this kinda thing was something I specialized in for the three years of my life that I do remember. If there's anything I'm certain of at all, it's that I'm capable of maneuvering maze-like structures. I don't get lost in the tunnels either.

(Not when he had a werewolf who guided him by scent and sight alone. Between his brain and that? Being lost wasn't an option.)

[ Evil organization, dying world, it all sounds so dismal and bleak that Hawke nearly wants to end the conversation right there before he has to listen to anything else saddening. And then the word 'dog' gets mentioned, and suddenly his interest is piqued again. ]

You like dogs, do you? Me, too — a bad dog's still better than half the rabble you see out on the streets. I've got mine here with me. Smartest dog in the world! [ According to him, anyway. ] Slobberiest, too.

Maybe. Maybe not though. Might not generate enough emotions to drag in people from calm settings.

(It actually did make sense, now that Newt thought about it. Chris had a pretty valid point.)

Yeah, pretty positive. I mean, it's burnt to a near crisp but I recognize it to be copper.

(He could always be wrong. He had limited knowledge but something in his gut told him that he was right about this one. Newt wished that maybe he had confided in Chris sooner about this but then again, they hadn't always been quite as close.

Newt nods. Telepathy.)

Him, her, and another kid. Still have no bloody idea why really.

(He was pretty sure there was another girl too but she had died long before him or his friends had ever met her. It didn't matter now anyway.)

I could only imagine. I think that kind of thing is like, what, alternate universe theory or multi-universe theory?

(It probably wouldn't be helpful. For Newt though it provided a small sense of hope. The kid didn't have anything after this if Hadriel just stopped being.

The change of topic doesn't seem to bother Newt. Instead, he just nods.)

Yeah, I live with him actually. We're fairly close. Maketh's great too. What were you gonna ask him, if you don't mind me asking?

(Yeeeah that's probably for the best, Hawke. His world only really gets worse and better yet, he was the nominated punching bag of Shitty Things in his friend group so dog conversation is a-go.

He too brightens up significantly because hello, dogs.)

I love dogs. Do you? (He was dating a werewolf which he personally felt like counted as having a dog. Not that he's about to mention that but hey. He gets his canine scratches in there during full moons.) What's his name? What does he look like?

(Tell him everything.)

Yeah, maybe. I mean, the gods claim they don't pull people in on purpose, but even if they're telling the truth that doesn't mean the Door itself doesn't have something to do with emotions the way they do.

[He nods, gaze distant again, but just because he's thinking about the whole thing. He'll wait until he sees the actual chip before he does anything, but he's already wondering what sort of computer circuitry is in the timers and controls of the appliances here, if any. He also wonders about the phones, but there aren't any spares of those to take apart like there might be stoves or microwaves or something.]

Okay, awesome. If like, it's the same sort of computer chip as I'm used to, copper would be really weird because of the way it's charged and interacts with the other metals used in computer stuff. But that could uh, tell us a lot.

[But that'll have to wait for now.]

That's um... Really weird. The person your friend could talk to, was she like, outside of your group?

[He nods.]

Right, yeah. I mean, it's a little more complicated than that and has to do with like, branching paths and new universes being created every time any tiny choice is made. Like, if you choose to go left on a path, there's another world where you choose to go right. But on a really huge scale.

[This isn't his field of study, but it's something he finds absolutely fascinating.

And okay, good, he can talk to Newt about his opinion on this.]

Okay, awesome. Yeah, no problem; I uh... W-When the whole wendigo thing happened at home, I really messed up my knee while I was uh... Fighting with one. A-And then I screwed it up worse when I got here. So Maketh's been nagging me to do something about it and suggested I talk to Thom, but um, i-it seems like a jerky thing to do to ask something I barely know to use their magic or whatever unless it's like, really easy for them.

[So he's hoping Newt can tell him if it is or not; Chris doesn't know how any of this magic stuff works.]

I don't think you can opt out of life. And life is violent and bloody and full of death.

Even more so here.

Edited 2016-04-05 03:32 (UTC)

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[3] video (post Delight's event)

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