☢ audio

[completelycrazy]

Hey, everybody. I'm Newt, if you're new here. Welcome aboard, I guess. I've been studying the monsters coming in through the Door every month. Hope sort of messed up my plans and all given that he eliminated, like, the entire monster population a few months back, but the bestiary's ready for it's public debut now. So, uh, here!

[He attaches a file.]

I nixed all the monsters that were in the caves and crap before I got here. Didn't see the point in including 'em since my research was, uh, limited. They're gone now, anyway. Some quote-unquote extinct monsters are still on the list, but only if I was able to really spend some time with them. I haven't gotten down to the coliseum to check out the new arrivals yet, but everything else that's currently in town is on the list.

[He's... pretty sure? It'd be tough to miss anything these days, what with the islands and all.]

Anyway, if anyone has biology experience—I'm talking, like, hands-on lab work, people—I do my research down at the lab. I'm also never gonna turn down a, uh, fresh or well-preserved monster specimen. Living is cool if it's something that's, y'know... Manageable. Can fit in a bedroom, or I guess a now-empty paddock outside that I used to keep the death worms in. Nothing too deadly, okay? Thanks.

Comments

[Audio]

[bespectacledsnake]

...a bedroom?

I still have to tag you back in our other thread this is audio

[demonsional]

Yes!

[It's a helpful and encouraging response! You're welcome!]

[completelycrazy]

[A BIG SCOFF.]

I can hear that look you're giving me in spirit. Calm down, dude. I have some free space in the monster room, and we have, like, a whole fourth bedroom that has since gone untouched.

[completelycrazy]

...Wh— Yes to what?

audio

[64th]

Those "mimic birds" [ yeah, you can hear the air quotes. ] are from Panem. We call them Jabberjays. They're mutts. The Capitol made them.

[bespectacledsnake]

Just wanted to clarify.

PRAISE

[completelycrazy]

Oh. Really?

[brb making some adjustments.]

I mean, in fairness, I don't see how I could've known that. What do you mean the Capitol made them? Like, genetic engineering?

[demonsional]

B...buh..!

[????]

The...friendcimens...

[????????]

[completelycrazy]

Yeah, sorry man, I'm kicking you out of your room to make way for whatever weird critter came into town this time. You're sleeping on the couch from here on out.

[completelycrazy]

Uh. I think you're thinking of "specimens". What about 'em?

[64th]

I don't know if anyone but me knows anything about them.

All the mutts are made in labs. I guess - genetic engineering is right. They were used as spies but people figured out out fairly quickly and the project was abandoned. They can remember whole conversations, and they're not very friendly.

[bespectacledsnake]

[There's a chuckle then]

I can lift you over the counter, Newton. You try and put me on the couch so a beastie can take my room, you will find yourself sharing a bed.

[It's a joke, but partly true]

[demonsional]

They are my angry violent friends!

[They really aren't, but he wants them to be so badly. :( Please, monsters.]

I dunno what all that you wrote but I, um, I feel a big hooray!

Audio

[itsnotaonesie]

I am so reading this later.

Hey so this month there's giant fleas? They're really cool, except that metal stuff gets all rusted if the fleas get too close to it. I don't know where you would want to keep something that ruins metal, but I can totally get you one if you want.

[completelycrazy]

Whoa. Neat.

[It's sincere. He's already brainstorming options for giant corrosive flea housing though, so he's also a little distracted.]

Hm... How giant are we talking? And how aggressive are they? I think I can pilfer enough wood from the ruins and stuff to make this work, maybe.

[completelycrazy]

[Holy shit.]

Wait wait wait, they were used as spies? Your government genetically engineered animals to use as spies? Oh my god, that's incredible.

[At least he has the decency to sound equal parts disgusted and excited? It could just be flat-out excitement.]

Not friendly I can handle. Are they dangerous beyond the spying capabilities?

[completelycrazy]

[...Alright, little dude. Newt's laughing.]

Yeah, you've been a big help with the salamanders. I'll read the bestiary to you sometime if you want, okay?

[demonsional]

[O:]

Yes! Yes! I would like and love that both very much! Please, I love to learn! Thank you!

[completelycrazy]

[WELP.]

Oh my god, it was a joke! You don't want to sleep with me, though. Like, for real. I'm a bed hog. I'll just kick you all night and steal the blankets.

[completelycrazy]

[Okay, actually, hold on.]

Do you not know how to read?

[demonsional]

I am trying to do it, but I am very bad at that thing.

[Super not smart.]

[completelycrazy]

Has anyone been teaching you?

[64th]

Uh - [ she's not sure she'd use the word incredible, but... ] something like that. They genetically engineer a lot of animals. Usually as some sort of weapon.

[ she has to think for a few moments before answering his question. ] They can be territorial, like any bird. When they were released into the wild in Panem they were mostly harmless. They bred with mockingbirds, and then they were mockingjays. Mockingjays aren't anything to worry about.

[bespectacledsnake]

[The sound of Semiyon leaning back in his chair]

I was also joking, Newton.

[Pause]

Mostly. I can lift you over the counter so that part was true.

[demonsional]

...yes!

[There have been offers and supposed lessons that I haven't threaded out in any official capacity so I'm chalking this up to:]

I think I am maybe not a good learner even though learning is a thing that makes me happy to do.