voice

[am_i_a_monster]

[Abigail died in the deserted plot and has just been revived.]

Hello? Can anyone hear me? Is anyone out there? It's dark out. I can't see anyone. Please tell me I didn't go through all that just to be alone again.

[There's a moment of Abigail crying.]

I was dead. Am I still dead, is that what this is?

[Being alone feels like hell to her.]

Comments

[am_i_a_monster]

I'm not alone.  So many people answered my call.  I was alone before.   There were a couple of other people, but I was alone, you know?  That's why what happened wasn't so bad.  I went from being alone to not being alone.  So you can't be mad at him, he was helping me.  And you can't be sad about what happened. 

[She manages a little smile at the image of her two father figures sharing a meal.] 

I'm sorry we didn't get to have more meals together.   He wanted us to be a family.   The three of us together.  We would have been, if we weren't brought here.

No. If I was smart and strong, a lot of things might have been different.  [The things she feels guilty about.  She can't say them now.]   Dying was going to take those things away.   I don't know if it did.  [She pauses for a moment.]    Fishing would be good, yeah.  There must be lots of interesting fish out there. 

[She frowns.] 

Will, you've got to go back to the apartment!

[feelslikeimspilling]

What exactly did happen though, Abigail? I won't judge, you know I'll understand no matter how hard it might be... I just... I just want to know why?

[ She knows Will has his ways of finding out, ways that are painful and traumatic for him, things that leave him emotional and mentally scared- But if he has to, he'll use every ounce of his empathy on her to find out the real reason behind why she wanted to die.

Will smiled a little when she mentioned them being a family and the meals they could have had together. It had taken him some time, but Will was slowly coming around to what Hannibal was and understanding why he did what he did. There was still some raw feelings there too though, over what Hannibal did to Abigail, what he did to Will too! He still wore the scare on his stomach like a sad smile. ]

We'll have many more meals with him together as a family someday, Abigail. I know we will... He's been here before, we're still here, you never know what the door is going to pull in next... I remember being so distraught that I couldn't see you, didn't know how you were doing, where you were then you just showed up when I was at my lowest... He could return...

[ Will sounded as though he was trying to convince himself more than comfort her. As much as it caused inner turmoil... He actually missed Hannibal too. ]

No, no dying here means nothing! Life has no value here, Hope just brings us back. It's not punishment and there's no salvation, all we can do is live out best lives and learn to live with those here we'd normally fear or disagree with.

[ He's being a hypocrite, he knows but she's too precious to him, he can't stand to lose her. ]

I'm coming to you, end of. I'm not leaving you like this, not after... Not after what you've just been through.... Might take me a while though.

[am_i_a_monster]

It hurt to be alone.  I had nightmares.   Even when I was awake,  I couldn't stop thinking about it.

[She can almost see those girls, Nick Boyle, and more, as she talks to him.] 

All I could think about was the people that are gone because of me, how I'm a monster.  And I am a monster.  Leo showed me that once before.  It's like I told you on the plane.  Some people are stained now.  I'm stained. He showed me the stains, it was in me and it was red.

[She stops, not sure if it's even makes sense if Will's not seen the red glow.   He still has a pure soul in her mind.  Killing her father was done in her defense.] 

I didn't want to be stained anymore.  I used to tell myself that I could live with anything.  But I can't when I'm alone. 

[She nods.] 

Yeah, he could come back.   He can help me, help both of us figure out how to feel about all of it.  He understands these things.  And he'll give it all meaning.   I'm not a monster to him.

[She looks down.  It was all for nothing.] 

I didn't know Hope would be back.  The gods weren't around.  I thought death would mean something,bring balance, destroy evil.  Or that it would at least make it all go away. 

[Like her father tried to do.] 

Maybe what I went through had to happen.   Maybe I'm not supposed to be alive.  If my dad had just started with me, instead of those girls..

[She can't finish the sentence.  She's heard it enough in her dreams.  He should have killed her so he wouldn't have killed all those girls.  So she wouldn't have gone on to gut people and shove them through windows. So Beverly wouldn't have died because she found her hiding spot.] 

Just be careful, please.

[No more deaths because of her.]