Video 3

[outofthefire]

[the video opens on Laura sitting on the edge of her bed, legs crossed at the knee. she's dressed and madeup in full eighties regalia, but her expression is more on the serious side than playful.

she's seen multiple posts about Caedra and has learned from their mistakes. so she's playing as nicely as she can]

Look, I get why people are so worried about Caedra going on a rampage and trying to kill a lot of people. It makes sense to be scared about that. But what if I had a way to keep her from being able to kill people in the first place?

[she holds up her right hand, a ring on her ring finger]

This ring keeps Caedra from being able to kill me. So I'm willing to let someone who knows about magic to study it and try to duplicate its magic so that other jewelry and trinkets can be enchanted with the same magic and passed out to everyone. That way, she wouldn't be able to kill anyone, even if she does decide to play nicely this time and not attack everyone.

I'm willing to turn the ring over to anyone who thinks they can figure out a way to use it to keep others safe. All I ask is that I get the ring back before she defrosts.

Comments

[Video][Private]

[outofthefire]

Kinda not surprised. The whole "get out of pain and guilt free by killing you" thing sounded really fishy.

[Video][Private]

[am_i_a_monster]

It made sense to me at the time. A life for a life. And the chance for a new start sounded really good.

[Video][Private]

[outofthefire]

But that's not what you got, was it?

[Video][Private]

[am_i_a_monster]

I like to think I did, that my sin's gone. I'm don't know. I don't feel any different and that sucks.

[Video][Private]

[outofthefire]

That's because there is no such thing as a "get out of guilt free" card. Forgiving yourself is something you have to do yourself.

[Video][Private]

[am_i_a_monster]

Every time I try, I have nightmares. I see ghosts of those girls coming to tell me that I should have died instead of them. I thought if I died too, it might mean something.

[Video][Private]

[outofthefire]

[she sighs] Death doesn't mean anything. It just means that you're dead. You really wanna make it up to those girls? Do all the living you can, for both of your sakes.

[Video][Private]

[am_i_a_monster]

You don't think they'd be mad?  That I'm here and they're not? They're always mad in my dreams.

[Video][Private]

[outofthefire]

That's because you still blame yourself for what happened. Chances are, your dad would've killed those girls anyway. Or somebody else.

[Video][Private]

[am_i_a_monster]

He would have killed me. It's why he killed them. They were substitutes for me.

[Video][Private]

[outofthefire]

You can't control your dad's crazy. You shouldn't have to.

[Video][Private]

[am_i_a_monster]

I could have let him kill me.

[Video][Private]

[outofthefire]

Sure, you could've. But that wouldn't guarantee he'd stop killing.

[Video][Private]

[am_i_a_monster]

I think it would have. It was what all the killings were about. His fantasy of what he wanted to do to me.

[Video][Private] (cw: oblique drug reference)

[outofthefire]

Here's the thing about fantasies: satisfying one is never enough. You've got to go on to even bigger fantasies to get the same high you had the last time.

[Video][Private]

[am_i_a_monster]

It's a good thing I was an only child.

[Video][Private]

[outofthefire]

Probably, yeah. No offense, but your dad sounds like a real creep.

[Video][Private]

[am_i_a_monster]

None taken. He was sick, but he was also a monster.

[Video][Private]

[outofthefire]

[there's a long pause in replies]

So was my dad, if it makes you feel any better.

[Video][Private]

[am_i_a_monster]

It weirdly does. I mean, it sucks that you had a bad dad too. But it's good to know I'm not alone. Makes me feel like less of a freak.

[Video][Private]

[outofthefire]

You're not a freak. And anyone who tries to tell you otherwise is an asshole who's not worth listening too.

Re: [Video][Private]

[am_i_a_monster]

[She looks down and drops her voice to a near whisper.]

What if I tell it to myself sometimes?

[Video][Private]

[outofthefire]

[she tries to gentle her voice as much as possible]

Then you should stop. I know you've--been through some shit. But there's more to you than just that.

[Video][Private]

[am_i_a_monster]

You've been through stuff too, right? What do you tell yourself on the bad days?

[Video][Private]

[outofthefire]

I--[she takes a deep breath]--I tell myself that I'm away from there and nothing about it can touch me.