✿ VIDEO ✿ PSA ✿

[glazedonutholes]

[ Have a pink space marine on your feed and yes that is a legit flower crown on his head and yes they are very much alive! ]

Hey guys! Private Donut here with a friendly PSA - that’s a Public Service Announcement for anyone not familiar with 26th century lingo.

Since we all found ourselves in a chilly situation these last few days, I figured I’d give a few Pro-Tips for surviving an ice planet on account that I’ve got experience with it. 

[ He clears his throat. ]

1. Traveling
If you find yourself without your trusty vehicle, don’t worry all you have to do is find the biggest, nastiest, meanest, land animal and beat the crap out of it and saddle it up!

2. Entertainment
As we all know, revolutionists like to hide out in deserted ice planets so get on your sturdy steed and find yourself a Rebel Base! It’s bound to have all sorts of reading material and if that’s not really your style they should have some working generators lying around you can hook up all your gadgets and electric blankets too.

3. Food 
Hibernate! Go ahead and eat all the food you have on hand in one go, then sleep until we’re back to sunny days! Now, if you’re not a bear or Grif, or if you just can’t hibernate, then I suggest you go back to your land animal, sharpen your trusty paring knife and slash that sucker open and BAM! Food for weeks!

4. The Cold: Survivor Edition
When your Ugg boots just aren’t enough. Remember that land animal you ripped apart like a Hollywood rendition of Jack the Ripper? Well, don’t forget that animals are people too which means they’re warm just like us. If you ever find yourself in a pickle just crawl inside its carcass and the hot blood will keep you cosy warm all night. And as an added bonus, you can always skin it and make a fur coat. We have no room for waste here, people. 

5. The Cold: Pacifist Edition
Now, for those of you who aren’t really into killing. I’ve got a Doc-approved idea just for you. It's simple really, all you have to do is find yourself  [ he pauses for dramatization ] a Cuddle Buddy!!!

[ He’s so excited he grabs some random person off camera and cuddles them as he says his good-bye. ]

This has been a Franklin Donut Production!

[ And the feed ends. ]


[ooc; Open to Action - Feel free to be the poor person he grabs off camera. I'll go with whatever background/storyline you have for ending up in his pink clutches. ]

Comments

[deviledlegs]

Of course, because she's a stunning, no-nonsense femme fatale! I could tell the moment I saw her! She could kill me in my sleep, and I'd enjoy every minute of it!

[glazedonutholes]

Well yeah, but she's also funny and sweet and super nice.

[ A pause. ]

Hey, can I ask you something?

[deviledlegs]

[These things are all very true! Miss Carolina is very lovely (even though they've only talked, like, twice; that's a committed relationship in Sanji speak). But hearing this guy say them is boiling the jealousy deep in his gut.

Well, he's the one who took the bait and replied to this disaster in the first place. He can stick it out long enough to answer a question. It's only fair.]

Shoot.

[glazedonutholes]

Why do you call her Miss Carolina? Her name's Carolina. Or Agent Carolina if she’s really mad.

[deviledlegs]

Because she's a miss, and a damn amazing one at that! [Obviously. How dare you insinuate otherwise!] It's rude to refer to a lady without a proper title! And I would never be rude to a lady.

[glazedonutholes]

But her title is Agent. You know like the cool spies from those classic movies. You remember the jingle.

Secret Agent WoMan~ Secret Agent WoMan~
~They've given you a number and taken away your name~

[ He sure is singing that tune, just be grateful he’s not doing the whole number. ]

Personally, I’ve always wanted to be a super secret agent like her.

[deviledlegs]

WHO WOULD DARE TAKE AWAY A LADY'S NAME?!

[This might not have gone as Donut hoped.]

[glazedonutholes]

The people she works for. Or used to work for, and she's not a lady, she's Carolina.

[deviledlegs]

[That stalls Sanji for a moment, throwing off his rage yet again. He reaches off screen for a cigarette.]

I've met another brilliant lady who said something similar, about how her line of work wasn't so convenient as to allow her her womanhood. Well. I'm not convenient enough to disregard it just because someone else did.

[glazedonutholes]

[ Annnd side-tracked. ]

Oh! Who did you meet?!

[deviledlegs]

[Successfully even! Sanji is always happy to talk about a lady!]

She was an assassin for the World Government. Prim and proper as anything, until she had to win a fight. Aaaah, I will never forget those legs....

[glazedonutholes]

An assassin! Oooh! Sounds scary! Who did she kill?!

[deviledlegs]

She tried to kill me!

[He's kinda proud of that, really.]

[glazedonutholes]

Oh! Did you kill her instead?!

[deviledlegs]

[Despite a shake of his head, Sanji's posture isn't at all defeated.]

I couldn't do it. I'd rather die than kick a woman.

[glazedonutholes]

Oh man. I totally blew up Tex after she tried to kill me! I showed her not to mess with Double-O-Donut!

[ Yeah, he totally killed a femme fatale, no remorse there either. ]

[deviledlegs]

You WHAT?!

[Sure, Sanji heard the part about Tex trying to kill him first. He heard it. He just doesn't care right now.]

[glazedonutholes]

Hell yeah! Got her good too!

And a 3-point touchdown on that grenade!

[deviledlegs]

[................./snap]

This thing you sent out. It's a survival guide, right?

[glazedonutholes]

Sure is!

[deviledlegs]

Good. [His brow twitches as his smile grows more menacing.] You're going to need it after I teach you a lesson about your shitty manners.