✿ VIDEO ✿ PSA ✿

[glazedonutholes]

[ Have a pink space marine on your feed and yes that is a legit flower crown on his head and yes they are very much alive! ]

Hey guys! Private Donut here with a friendly PSA - that’s a Public Service Announcement for anyone not familiar with 26th century lingo.

Since we all found ourselves in a chilly situation these last few days, I figured I’d give a few Pro-Tips for surviving an ice planet on account that I’ve got experience with it. 

[ He clears his throat. ]

1. Traveling
If you find yourself without your trusty vehicle, don’t worry all you have to do is find the biggest, nastiest, meanest, land animal and beat the crap out of it and saddle it up!

2. Entertainment
As we all know, revolutionists like to hide out in deserted ice planets so get on your sturdy steed and find yourself a Rebel Base! It’s bound to have all sorts of reading material and if that’s not really your style they should have some working generators lying around you can hook up all your gadgets and electric blankets too.

3. Food 
Hibernate! Go ahead and eat all the food you have on hand in one go, then sleep until we’re back to sunny days! Now, if you’re not a bear or Grif, or if you just can’t hibernate, then I suggest you go back to your land animal, sharpen your trusty paring knife and slash that sucker open and BAM! Food for weeks!

4. The Cold: Survivor Edition
When your Ugg boots just aren’t enough. Remember that land animal you ripped apart like a Hollywood rendition of Jack the Ripper? Well, don’t forget that animals are people too which means they’re warm just like us. If you ever find yourself in a pickle just crawl inside its carcass and the hot blood will keep you cosy warm all night. And as an added bonus, you can always skin it and make a fur coat. We have no room for waste here, people. 

5. The Cold: Pacifist Edition
Now, for those of you who aren’t really into killing. I’ve got a Doc-approved idea just for you. It's simple really, all you have to do is find yourself  [ he pauses for dramatization ] a Cuddle Buddy!!!

[ He’s so excited he grabs some random person off camera and cuddles them as he says his good-bye. ]

This has been a Franklin Donut Production!

[ And the feed ends. ]


[ooc; Open to Action - Feel free to be the poor person he grabs off camera. I'll go with whatever background/storyline you have for ending up in his pink clutches. ]

Comments

audio.

[garbagemarvel]

... Is this sarcasm?

1/2

[glazedonutholes]

Sarcasm? Umm. I'm not really sure what you mean....

2/2

[glazedonutholes]

But, if my 26th century lingo confused you.

It's supposed to be a survivor guide!

voice

[uptightness]

Are you trying to get people killed?

[glazedonutholes]

Killed? Don't be silly.

This a survival guide. I know it's a little complicated but if you re-read it I'm sure you'll get it.

video;

[deviledlegs]

If anyone tries to sneak from my stores because of this shitty guide, I will personally boil you alive and flay your corpse!

[glazedonutholes]

Heeeeey. I know you.

Oh! You have a way of starting a fire?! Awesome! I knew you were a survivor, Mister!

Voice

[utulien_aure]

If this is a joke, it is in remarkably ill-taste.

[glazedonutholes]

I don't know what you mean Mister, but your welcome to add-on your own tips. I don't mind!

video;

[hasitsthorns]

Oh, man. Hibernation. Why didn't I think of that?

Awesome raptor pro-tips, dude.

[ Is she being serious? Not? It is a mystery, truly. ]

[glazedonutholes]

Don't count yourself out. Sometimes, you just need someone to remind to jog your memory.

Thanks! I'm glad it was useful.

[ He smiles, not at all catching anything wrong with that response. ]

video

[so_dark_a_road]

Hey, I wanna know where this Rebel Base is! I'm all out of cheap porn paperbacks.

[ Snerk snerk ]

[glazedonutholes]

That's the fun part. You have to look for it.

Oh, I'm sure they'll have everything you're looking for.

video

[evocation]

This is so gross. Are we pre-assigning cuddle buddies?

[glazedonutholes]

[ A gasp as he covers his mouth, then starts hopping around in excitement as if he just discovered America's Next Top Model. ]

That's such a great idea!

[Video]

[requiemshark]

[ Ephemera looks vaguely confused. But also like he spent the past few minutes laughing his ass off. It's a balancing act. ]

You do you, Donut. You should probably know not everybody likes cuddling, though.

[ He feels this should be said before it ends with somebody getting maimed. ]

[glazedonutholes]

[ A gasp of utter shock. How dare you, Good-Sir! I say, I say, HOW DARE YOU! ]

But how do they go to sleep?!

audio

[fogsong]

[ Wait, hold on. Is this for real? Is this a meme? Is she missing something or was a he brought in from a padded cell? ]

All right, I'd watch your standup special. [ Because there's no way he's serious and this was actually pretty fucking funny. Then again, she's been in such a chipper mood since the move. Also, if anyone uses these tips they deserve to die. c: Yikes, Sharon. ]

[glazedonutholes]

[ It's just Donut. ]

Actual, that's Carolina's specialty. You should come out and see her when she gets the nerves to get in front of an audience. I'll BaseBook you the time and date.

audio

[lovernotafighter]

[PSAs always were a Red Team deal. Tucker blinked, debated watching it again, and wisely figured once was enough.]

You know, body heat is the best heat. It's even better when you don't stop at cuddling.

[glazedonutholes]

Oh, don't I know it. Personally, I like bedroom games just as much as I like cuddling.

action!

[roseofthetyrells]

[Margaery is being grabbed and cuddled. so that's happening. she's not trying to extract herself from his grip just yet because he actually is warm and she's absolutely freezing, but her queenly dignity won't allow this for long]

I can't imagine what it would take to "beat the crap" out of one of the local beasts, but I'm guessing that it's more than I can muster.

!!!

[glazedonutholes]

[ That has him pulling back just enough not to huggle her, but he sure isn't letting go of her arm just yet. ]

Don't worry! I'll help you beat 'em off!

[Video]

[shithefuckup]

Cuddle buddy?

Cuddle Buddy??

Are you fucking serious? How the hell would that help?!

[Except when he says it, he stutters every other few words or so. There might be some occasional teeth chattering too...]

[glazedonutholes]

[ He hears the chattering teeth. ]

Well, body heat first of all. There’s no faster way to get warm than to share your body heat with someone.

Video

[knifecollecting]

Are you really telling people to go attack things without Hope here?

[glazedonutholes]

What does Hope have anything to do with it?

[ A frown. ]

You really shouldn't rely on gods or anyone else for that matter as your green light to do something.

im so sorry im late on this omg, also video!

[pocketspa]

[This is. Absolutely delightful. There's nothing about this that isn't absolutely delightful. He opens his feed on a slow clap, looking more pleased than any one elf has the right to be.]

This. Is. Just wonderful. What ice planet have you ever been on, fam? You really seem like you have your stuff together.

[glazedonutholes]

Aww. I'm glad you think so! I'm working on my movie director career for when I'm done with this job.

Welll, the last ice planet we ended up we crashed landed on. Yeah, it sure was dicey for a bit there, but we managed to survive and take down the Meta with a good stab. You wouldn't believe how much snow there was and we had to find a guy in white armor among all that white stuff on top of it! Talk about eye-shadow blending technique.

[ It's called camouflage Donut... ]